Just The Two Of Us <Sweet Pea FF>

88. Better off

"Where have you been?"
Of course I'm late for dinner, drawing all the attention to me as I enter the dining hall. Just like sweet pea a couple minutes later.

"Oh, I think I know exactly where she's been" Veronica pulls her lips into an evil smile.
"Shut up" I laugh while poking my food. I'm not really hungry and I can feel sweet pea staring at me from across the room.

"Are you and sweet pea back together? Finally!" Kevin claps excitedly and forces me to think about what happened just a few minutes ago.

I liked lying next to him. I loved it. It felt like nothing ever broke. I remember sitting on the plane, thinking I would get over sweet pea and all I needed was time.
In songs they often sing about how things fade away. Memories, feelings, yourself. But nothing ever really fades away, in fact it is painfully present, burnt into your brain, heart, soul. Nothing ever fades away.

The truth is I hurt myself when I ripped us apart and he hurt me when he said he didn't want to start things again.

Lying in that bed, next to him, I felt myself falling for him. Of course my feelings for him never really went away but I actually felt myself falling in love and I know I can't do that. I promised myself no relationships so how can I get attached to him if all he wants to be is friends? Even if it's friends with benefits, I can't risk anything more happening. That's why left as soon as I realised, that I liked lying in his arms.

"No. No, no. It's just... fun"
"Don't lie. You hope those booty calls turn into a booty relationship" Betty leans closer to me, her elbows on the table.

"No! And please don't say that"
"I think this is the start of something. But I believe Luciana isn't too happy about that" Cheryl moves her fork to her lips, which are painted red even when we just sit inside all day and do nothing.

I shrug my shoulders "Haters gonna hate, shake it off"
"Taylor Swift, always right" Kevin points at me with a smile.
"Kevin gets me" I laugh, hoping the conversation ends here. But it doesn't.

"Is this really good though? Only fun, that's not healthy. You'll only get attached and with your past..." veronica tilts her head empathetically with a sad expression "I think you should end it"
"I'm not going to kill myself"
"No, I mean... ugh, why do I bother you'll do whatever you want" she roles her eyes and the table starts laughing.

After that we all went to our rooms, got ready for bed and went to sleep.

It's the next day and the blizzard is still saving me from having to learn how to ski.
So once again we gather in the community room.

"What do you think Jug is doing right now?" Tony asks. The group decided to start playing cards although I'm not sure which game exactly it is.
"Probably having trouble with the other stoneis" Betty chuckles at the idea. I can see she misses her boyfriend.

"Or writing on his book" Archie adds and puts down a card "Rummy!"
"I thought we play spades"
"I thought Shithead"
"Oh jesus" Tony sighs and throws her cards on the table.
I role my eyes and fall back on the couch.

Looking to the left I see sweet pea sitting with his friends, wearing a black hoodie and grey sweatpants. It doesn't take long for him to turn and look into my eyes. With a smile and a look into the doors direction I signal him to slip away.

"You know what? I think I'll go to the toilet because... I'm on my period"
"Thanks for clearing that up" archie shuffles the cards again.
"You're such a bad actor" Tony smirks
"No, I am a great actor" I say while pushing myself off the ground and jumping across the room.

"Have fun!"
I turn my head and glare at my laughing friends.

I meet sweet pea in the hall. I grab his hand and he opens the next best door.  Flipping the switch turns the light on and reveals piles and stacks of bedsheets and covers.
He starts kissing me and I want to take a step back because it's really cramped in here. But I'm unable to move because there is simply no room to move.