On my way to stardom

11. Vicious comments

The first debut trailer gets uploaded today. Within 5 minutes of the debut, Bighit's twitter account is already bombarded with retweets and comments but I'm too afraid to look through them.

'Shannon! Have you seen this? You look so cool in the trailer!' Jimin Sunbae shows me the video on his phone.

Taehyung Sunbae contacted me last night to ask me to join them for lunch today. Since they're just going to eat at Bighit, I said yes.

I made a big mistake, though.

Even though I already lost 3 kg I am still on a diet so I am only allowed to eat a sweet potato for lunch, while the Sunbaes are having a feast. I sure hope inhaling the delicious smell of fried chicken and jajangmyeon doesn't have calories.

Not gonna lie, I feel kinda awkward seeing myself in a video. But I am interested to see how it turned out.

The makeup I had that day accentuates the shape of my nose and eyes. Other than that, the whole video is really just me standing there, trying to look badass as the backing track of 'Ticket' plays in the background.

'Oh, there's also another series called "Shannon behind-the-scenes!' Taehyung Sunbae says.

Jimin Sunbae clicks on the other clip that is about 2 minutes long. In the video, I was greeting the staff when I got into the MV set. Then it cuts to me getting my makeup done and another shot of me listening to director nim's briefing.

'Jungkookie-ah, what do you think of the videos?' Jimin Sunbae asks.

'Oh, it's good.'

Jungkook Sunbae hasn't talked as much as he did that day in the dance room. Jimin Sunbae keeps telling me he's not like that when he's only with the members so he just needs more time to warm up to me.

I don't really care, to be honest, but I am still very thankful for his lessons because now I'm getting the hang of the choreography.

And he did say my hair looked good.

Ok, it's not time to dwell on stupid compliments.

Soobin enters the room with his phone, looking really enthusiastic. 'Shannon-ah! Did you see... Oh! Annyeonghaseyo, Jimin, Taehyung and Jungkook hyung.' He turns his attention back at me and says, 'I take it you already saw the trailers with the Sunbaes?'

I nod. Soobin and I exchanged numbers when we found out that we're actually born in the same year. Although he insists that I call him Sunbaenim but I find his reactions hilarious whenever I call him by his name, so that's what I've been doing. Haha.

'Yes, Soobin-ah, have you retweeted it?' I ask.

His eyes narrow and lips pout at me calling him Soobin instead of Sunbaenim. I will forever find his reaction funny. 'Of course I have. Look what I've signed off as.'

Jimin and Taehyung Sunbaenim both laugh behind us. 'Ahaha, he said "your most respected Soobin Sunbaenim".'

Oh my god, this guy is just comedic gold. As we are laughing goofily, I secretly glance at Jungkook Sunbae but he seems to be focusing on whatever's going on his phone.

'Oh wait, the comments are all so nice!' Jimin Sunbae points out.

'Let me see...'

She's so pretty!!
Wow, her figure is everything.
Even the backing track is so freaking good, the song must be bomb.
Damn she's so going to be the newest monster rookie

Awww, that is so nice of the netizens. I'm feeling more encouraged the more I scroll down the comment section.

Hang on, this isn't all of the comments.

Her face looks plastic
I bet she got her nose done
She better not date any of my BTS and TXT boys or I'll kill her
Is she a foreigner? She doesn't look Korean to me at all...

Jungkook Sunbae snatches the phone away from my hands and hands it back to Jimin Sunbae. 'That's enough, you should go back to practice.'

I know I'm starting to cry because this is just how I am. I'm just sitting in my seat as if Jungkook Sunbae's statement did not register at all.

He grabs my arm and hauls me up from my seat. Picking up the rubbish from my lunch and throws it into the bin. His strong grasp still on my arm, he says,' I'll walk you back to the studio.'

As soon as I enter the dance studio, I turn on 'Ticket' and start dancing. But he turns it off.

'What do you want?' I ask him, the annoyance clear in my voice.

'You're not thinking straight now. Your dance looks bad. You're off beat. Your expressions do not match the lyrics of the song,' he says.

'Ok ok, I get it. I'm the shittiest idol, is this what you mean?' I shout back.

His eyes are widened at my raised voice. His hands are on each side of his waist and he takes a deep breath to hold himself back from shouting at me.

'Shannon, this is not what I meant. What I'm saying is that, you are being affected by the bad comments, I also saw them.'

The tears that were threatening to roll out finally are let loose. I tuck my legs in front of my body and hide my face in my knees. Jungkook Sunbae doesn't need to see the weak side of me.

A hand is rested on the back of my head and surprisingly, it feels so comforting.

I finally look up and Jungkook Sunbae's concerning face is right in front of me.

'Listen, if you're gonna become a public figure, you're bound to be hated. But remember, there will always be more people who love you than those who don't, and only those who do matter. I know it's easier said than done, but you must not be affected by those vicious comments, and if you ever do, talk to somebody. Talk to family, to Jimin hyung, V hyung, Soobin, or even me. Just know that there's always people who care about you around, you're not alone.'

'Jungkookie is right,' Namjoon Sunbaenim comes in, followed by Soobin, Jimin and Taehyung Sunbae.

They sit around me and I think they're trying to blind me with their radiant smiles. These goofballs.

'Shannon-ah, don't be sad! The biggest stars on Earth are literally fans of you,' Soobin motions the BTS members around me. 'And you've got a bomb-ass song as your debut title track, you're gonna have an all-kill on the music shows!'

'I think Shannon gets your point now,' Namjoon Sunbae giggles. 'Why don't you perform your debut stage so we can give you some advice?'

'Yeah! I'm so excited to see it as well, Jungkookie keeps telling us how good your performance is at home!' Taehyung Sunbae says.

Jungkook Sunbae looks surprised by what Taehyung Sunbae says, 'hyung, she's the only female trainee Bang P.D. selected, of course she's good.'

They are right. Even back at high school, there were girls who I've never spoken to pick on me, and I still managed to stand up and ignore them. There are literally teams of people who help me pick outfits, do makeup, write down my schedule. I've even got friends that are willing to sit around me and watch me cry. Why would I even care about the comments of someone who I haven't, or will never meet?

I wipe my tears away and stand up, stretching a bit before performing the intense choreography. Soobin, Taehyung and Jimin Sunbaenims have all started clapping goofily now.

Jungkook Sunbae gives me the slightest smile before I say, 'ok. I'm ready. Music cue!'