Player 3.0 ♛ Colby Brock

Chapter 29 ♛ Full Moon

[trigger warnings: suicidal thoughts and attempt]

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline:
1-800-273-8255

Atmosphere's P.O.V:

I had run out of tears, out of love, out of hope, and out of sanity. I was lost, confused, and utterly heartbroken at the moment. And I can't tell if I'm truly like this, or if my mind is making me think that I am.

My legs dangled off the rooftop's ledge of my boyfriend's apartment building. I blankly stared at my legs as they slightly swayed back-and-forth, because of the small breeze. My hands also gripped the metal framework for dear life. I wasn't ending my life at this moment, I was simply trying to find what's left of it.

My blood shot eyes wandered up to the full moon. It was shining beautifully down onto the quiet city. The moon and I were the only ones up at this very hour. While everyone else was peacefully sleeping, we were trying to stay awake, we were trying to fight for our lives all by ourselves

"I know I haven't talked to you in a while." I whispered as I continued to stare at its beauty, "But as you can tell, I'm more broken than ever."

My eyes fluttered down for a split second at the traffic lights. They were flickering from each of their three famous colors every thirty seconds, even when no one was there. They were still doing their job, even when they had no one to do it for.

"There's a part of me that wants to see a tomorrow, and there is a part of me that doesn't."  I explained, "But at this very moment, I'm leaning more on the idea of not being here anymore."

"Everyone seems happier when they aren't around me, or maybe that's what my mind wants me to think..." I trailed off as my eyes wandered back up to the moon, "But why do I feel like such a burden?"

"I mean look at all my friends. They are extremely talented in their own ways, and I'm so proud of them for finding their purpose in life, but I can't help but feel like I'm falling behind them. I haven't even found my purpose. For fuck sakes, I don't even think I have one."

My hands slowly let go of my support system as I continued to pour my feelings out into Earth. And I don't know if anyone is listening to me right now, but the idea that something out there might be, brought me comfort.

"I think the question I should be asking you is, does my life even matter? To anyone or anything." I asked my voice cracking as I did, "Because if not, then I don't want to be here anymore."

I was stupidly waiting for a response back, like I used to do when I was little. The simplest of movements I always took as a sign, but for some odd reason this time, nothing moved. The wind had died down, the traffic lights didn't change from yellow to red or even green. Everything was still. Even the stars in the sky stopped twinkling.

"I guess that's my sign." I breathed before standing up on the ledge.

With an emotionless expression, I looked down the ten story building. One single step forward I could easily end everyone's suffering, most importantly my suffering. But maybe killing myself off the place some of my friends and boyfriend live in isn't the smartest idea. It's quite selfish to be honest. Maybe going the way my mother did will be better, because they will never have to recover or even bury my body.

I turned around, letting my back face the city now. I raised my arms halfway up and let my eyes flutter shut. The breeze had picked up again and was hitting my body at a different rate. Instead of pushing me backwards and falling to my death, it's pushing me towards my future.

"Please don't let me regret this." I whispered.

My eyes are still shut as I let my body lean slightly and let Earth decide my faith. But I was expecting to fall onto the hard ground not into someone's strong arms.

"What the fuck are you doing, Atmosphere?!" My emerald eyes fluttered open to those ocean ones.

I tilted my head slightly, "Just wanted to get closer to the moon." I whispered.

He stared at me in disbelief, "You were about to fucking jump! How could you even do that to us?! To yourself!?" He yelled with hot tears pouring down his face.

"I fell forward not backwards, Colby."

"But you were debating to go the opposite way, weren't you?!" He questioned me with pure anger, but I kept quiet and chose not to tell him the truth, "Answer me!" His sharp scream echoed throughout the city.

My body froze in place from the fear that was settling inside my bones. I've never seen Colby be this upset or angry before, and this whole new side of him was honestly terrifying me.

"But I didn't." I choked, "And it shouldn't matter..."

He cut me off, "It does fucking matter, Atmosphere! How the fuck do you think you could just leave us like that?! Leave us alone?! I never get to talk or be with you again!" He screamed, "How do you think we would feel?!"

"The same way I felt these past couple of months." My voice cracked, causing his face to soften, "Like I didn't matter."

**** Author's Note ****

Hey buddies!

I do apologize for how short yet heavy this chapter was. But it was needed for this series.

Times are difficult at this very moment, and I want you to know that I stand for all you, we all stand for all you. Please be vocal, and not silent. Stand with your brothers and sisters. And use your privilege to protect and help the ones who aren't fortunate enough to have that, because of the ugly foundation this country was built on.

And if you do have a problem with me standing up for what is right and talking about it on here, then feel free to get the fuck off my page.

#BlackLivesMatter

Take care,
ash

P.S. if you want to help and support the BLM Movement, please search the links down below, since Wattpad won't let me add any of the links.

blacklivesmatters.carrd.co

And

blacklivesmatter.com

Stay safe as well.