Regarding Love

What's Wrong with me?

December 24, 2014 9AM

"Alice, it's time to get up." I hear Leo say.

"Hush. I'm tired." I say as I roll over and arms wrap around me.

I've been letting Leo stay over. We haven't had sex but I like sleeping with him. It's peaceful sometimes. He's a rough sleeper. Always tossing and turning.

"We've got to get ready to go to your parents house for Christmas baby." He whispers in my ear and it sends shivers down my spine.

He kisses me softly and I smile.

"I have morning breath Leo." I tell him.

"I can deal with that." He whispers and kisses me again. My eyes open and I'm fully awake as he kisses me. I close my eyes and try to grab some of his hair. He pulls away and kisses my hands.

"Not now. Get up now." He says and rolls out of bed.

He's been doing things like that lately with everything. We don't make out anymore and he doesn't touch me like he use to. When we kiss, he stops before things get too heated. I don't know how to feel about it. It makes me want to do things that I shouldn't. I just wish he would stop so I wouldn't feel so confused and conflicted. I'm waiting till marriage. I have too.

I roll out of bed and stretch before making my way to the bathroom to shower. I start the water so it'll heat up while I undress. I check under the counter for a rag and I sigh. There's not one.

I slide my bathrobe on but frown when I realize I can't tie it together because the strip is gone. I check the closet for a towel and hit my head when I see there's not one in there. I open the door and peak out and see my basket of clean clothes I haven't folded yet.

I sneak out making sure to cover everything up. Before I can make it to the basket the door opens and Leo walks in butt naked.

"Oh my god." I mutter slowly and he looks up at me and cover his eyes.

"I'm not looking." He says.

"Please cover your um manhood up." I say as I look away. I hear movement but I ignore it as best as I can.

"Okay I have a towel on." He says and I face him again. God my face has to be blood red. I can literally feel heat.

"Will you please hand me a towel?" I ask nervously.

He digs in the basket and pulls a towel out. He walks over and wraps it around me. His eyes never leave mine. I take the towel from his hands and secure it around me tightly.

"Um, uh, thanks." I stutter and my blush spreads.

"It's not an issue. I would never take advantage of you." He says softly and grabs my face with his hands. I'm never gonna survive all this if he keeps this up. My body is literally on fire.

He places his lips on mine and I stand shocked afraid to move. I'm afraid my body will act irrationally if I even let go of my towel.

"Kiss me baby." He whispers. His lips graze mine ever so slightly and I shiver. Not from the cold though. I've never wanted anything like this before.

I kiss him back and he pulls me closer to his body. He catches my bottom lip between his teeth and a deep sigh leaves my mouth. His hands move to mine and he softly releases my grip. He puts my arms around his neck and kisses me so hard my toes curl.

His mouth leaves mine and I breathe deep before he latches onto my neck.

"Leo." I say breathy.

My nails pierce into his skin and he groans onto my neck. It vibrates my skin and I tug his hair gently.

He suddenly lets me go and pulls away.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Oh god what have I done." Leo says and his eyes get big.

I stare at him and try to cool my body down. It's not helping much that his face is flushed and I'm afraid to look lower than his chest.

"It's okay Leo." I say as I cross my arms over my chest in an attempt to hide my interest in our past activities.

"Please don't be mad. I couldn't help it. I just wanted a kiss and then I couldn't help it. Oh god. I'm not staying here anymore." He says and rubs his face hard.

"Leo I'm not mad. I wanted it just as bad but I respect that you stopped when I couldn't." I say with a small smile.

"It was hard to stop baby but I knew it's not what you wanted. It doesn't mean I'm any less sorry for doing it." He says and his eyes meet mine.

"Leo it's okay baby. I like having you here actually. Except for when I forget to fold clothes." I say with a small laugh.

"I like being here with you. It gets me excited to be married. Not because I'll be able to do that. But because I get to spend the rest of my life with you like this. Well not this exactly but still." He says with a smile that reaches his eyes. A genuine smile. I haven't seen one in ages from him.

"I love you Leo. I've got to shower now though." I say as I lean down to grab a rag and look up to come face to face with Leo's towel.

"Dammit. I swear this isn't my day." Leo says before jumping back and hitting the door frame.

"I'm gonna go now." I say quick and Rush to the shower.

Oh god. What's wrong with me? I'm the one who has that rule not Leo and he's the one sticking to it. Any day I could've fought him off with my words and yelled at him but I couldn't today when I needed to.