Regarding Love

I Need Help.

January 15, 2015

I pull the box from the top of the closet down. It's a small black box with a latch that needs a key. The key I keep hidden away, taped under a drawer. I unlock the box and sniffle. This was suppose to be for my wedding. Now I can hardly pay my bills.

I count out $600. My check wasn't enough since I found out late that my rent went up. My check is for gas and food since it's only $300. I still have 2 weeks to get by on. I frown at the $400 left in the box. I'm never gonna be out of the woods.

I lock the box and put it up again. I grab my cell phone and call Mr. Thomas.

"Hello." He says.

"I have this months rent. Do you want me to walk it over to your building?" I ask gloomy.

"Sure. That'll be fine. I'm home." He says.

I hang up and grab my umbrella since its been raining since yesterday. I slide my mud boots on and a jacket before sliding the money into an envelope and then putting the envelope in my pocket. I grab my keys and walk outside. I lock the door and walk down the stairs before opening the umbrella.

When it's not raining the walk is somewhat short. Now that it's raining, I'm freezing and the walk home is gonna be long enough to last forever.

The wind blows and my umbrella flies out of my hands. Perfect. Just freaking peachy. I don't even bother chasing it down. I let the cold rain hit me and it suddenly doesn't bother me as much. It's just been one of these days.

I finally make it to the door and under shelter. I knock and wait for Mr. Thomas to answer. He opens the door slowly.

"Goodness Alice. Are you okay?" He asks worried.

"I'm fine. It's just a little water." I say dryly before reaching in my pocket for the envelope. I hand it to him. Mr. Thomas looks sad but I can't imagine why. I mean you did up my rent drastically.

"Thank you Alice. Now go home and warm up." He says with a small smile that doesn't reach his eyes.

He shuts the door and I feel cold and alone. I turn and start the walk back to my apartment. Of course it starts raining harder.

"This is perfect." I mumble to myself. I guess I might as well check my mail since I'm here.

I pull my keys out of my pocket and open my box. I grab all the mail and close my box before locking it back. I pick up a small jog and finally make it to my stairs. I hurry up and into my apartment as quickly as I can.

I lay the mail on the table before running to my room to pull my drenched clothes off. I throw them I the bathroom before pulling a big shirt and some sweats on. I pull some dry socks on and then my fuzzy house shoes. I hate bill day.

I walk to the table and grab the mail. More bills. I lay everything aside that's not bills. I have car insurance and cell phone to add to my money issues. Well I need my care regardless. I can manage without my phone I suppose.

I head back to my room and grab my phone from the bed. I call mom so I can tell her. She'll insist on paying my phone bill. I've never let her before and this time won't be any different.

"Hey baby." She answers.

"Hey momma. What are you doing?" I ask casually.

"Sitting here with your father." She says.

"Oh that sounds nice. So I'm not gonna have a cell phone for however long it takes me to save up some money." I tell her.

"Oh dear. We can pay it sweetheart. It's no big deal."

"No mom. You know how I am. I'll be okay."

"Oh hold on. Your father wants to talk to you." She says quickly and I suppose she hands the phone to my dad.

"I don't know what you need us to pay for but we're gonna do it." He says sternly.

"Dad it's just my cell phone. I don't need it. Plus I'm not sure when I'll be able to pay you back." I complain.

"Alice, you think you have to do it all alone. You think you have to take on the whole world all by yourself. Now you listen to me. I'm old and I've been there. You're the most independent of all my kids. You've never asked us for money. Everyone needs help baby. You can't do this alone. I'm gonna make some calls and you can do me a favor when I figure it out. Until then, im gonna pay your phone bill and there will be no complaints. Am I clear?" My dad says. I couldn't help the tears, that have been begging to leave my eyes all day. My daddy has always been the one to stand by me.

"There's no use in arguing with you. Thank you daddy." I say softly as I wipe my tears away.

"You're welcome baby girl. I'll let you know what you can do soon. I love you. Here's your mother." He says and hands the phone to mom.

"Well I'm glad your father talked some sense into you." She says with a laugh.

"He's good at that isn't he?" I ask with a smile.

"He always has been good with words. How are you and Leo sweetheart? I know you've hit a bump in the road recently." She says. I guess I outta come clean.

"We kinda broke up momma." I say slowly.

"Oh no. Why?"

"He's done some things I'm not proud of. I can't forgive him."

"Sure you can. I'm sure it's not that bad." She defends him easily. If she could see the fading bruises, she'd disagree.

"No I can't. He's hurt me mom." I reply.

"I think you're just giving up too easily." She says smartly.

"I know mom. I'm sorry. It's just not what I want anymore." I frown and lay my head in my open hand.

"Why did you change your mind?"

"Mom because things weren't right between us anymore. It hasn't been right in a long time." I sigh heavily.

I hear noises in the background and roll my eyes. They must be arguing.

"Look sweetheart. I'll call you nVk shortly. I love you." Mom says. She's clearly frustrated.

"I love you too mom." I say and hang up.

I hate when they argue. I've always felt like its my fault. That's one reason why I left. I can't stand to hear the yelling and banging.

Ironic enough, I stumbled into a relationship where that's mostly all we did. Maybe it's for the best that things end now. Maybe I'll be okay again. But dad was right. I can't fight the world alone. I do need help.