Regarding Love

The Truth.

Jared's POV: January 20, 2015

"Jared, the microwave isn't working!" Alice says loudly from the kitchen.

I pull myself from the couch and grab the remote. I frown when the TV doesn't turn on. I stand up and flip the light switch and nothing.

"The power must be out." I say as I make my way to the kitchen where Alice is standing. She looks like a little kid that's scared.

"No power? We're gonna freeze to death Jare." She says as she wraps her arms around herself.

"We're not gonna freeze Alice. We have plenty of covers." I say with a smile.

"I guess so."

"Come sit down. I'll grab some blankets and we can just talk." I say and she looks up. She smiles a little and nods.

I turn to the hallway and grab a big quilt from the closet. It'll be big enough that we have room. We won't be up against each other. Not that I wouldn't want to be. I just can't yet. I can't take advantage of her.

"Do you remember when you dared me to kiss you?" She says with a laugh from the couch.

"Are you talking about when we were like 7?" I ask as I sit down.

"Well to be technical, you were 8 and I was 7." She says with a smirk. I spread the blanket out so we're both covered up.

"Okay smartass I remember." I say as I roll my eyes.

"The only reason you didn't get to is because dad called me inside." She says with a smile.

"It was probably for the best. We were kids Alice." I say with a chuckle. This girl is gonna be the death of me.

"I know. I was just thinking and remembered that."

"Do you remember when you spent the night at my house and had that nightmare?" I ask as I remember that night. It was my birthday and I had just turned 10. She was suppose to sleep on the couch but she woke up crying and came to me.

"That was really bad." She says and shakes her head.

"You're telling me. You fell asleep in my bed and I stayed up just making sure you were okay." I tell her. She probably didn't know that. I was terrified that she would wake up and be scared again.

"You've always watched over me haven't you?" She asks and I catch her eyes. They're blue today. I haven't seen her blue eyes in a while. They've been gray since she found out about her sister and Leo.

"I don't like when you're hurt or scared. That nightmare scared me back then. I was afraid that you were hurt. I'd swore to always make sure I never saw those sad tears." I say softly. I fought off the monsters for her. Middle school bullies and high school guys with only one thing on their mind. Anyone that could hurt her.

"It worked for the most part. Whenever your around, it's easy to light the dark and chase the monsters away." She replies and looks away from me.

"I'm sorry." I say and my eyebrows scrunch together. I think about all the times that Leo has hurt her that I didn't know about.

"What for?" She asks confused.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when you needed me. If I hadn't gave up then maybe he never would've hurt you." I say and grit my teeth.

"That's not your fault Jared." She says and scoots over to hug me. I wrap my arms around her small waist and hold her tight.

"If I wouldn't have scared myself then he would have never wiggled himself in." I say angrily.

"Jared look at me. Look me in the eye." She says and pulls away. She grabs my face with both hands and holds my gaze. "I'm okay. He's gone now. He can't hurt me anymore." She says softly.

He shouldn't have had the chance to hurt you. I should've been here.

Alice searches my eyes and her face changes from worried to realization.

"You blame yourself. It makes sense now." She says and lets my face go. I guess in a way I do.

"After prom, I got scared Alice. I stopped being there for you. I thought everything was screwed up between us." I say as Alice situates herself so her back is against the arm of the couch and I'm situated between her butt and feet.

"Jared, stop blaming yourself. I don't blame you for anything." She says and grabs my hand. I watch her play with my hand and fingers. She traces all the lines and I stop breathing as she brings my hand to her mouth and kisses all my fingers.

"I remember the summer before high school. You were gone to your uncles to work on his farm. I didn't get to see you until we met at school. First day of high school. You came back changed. You were taller, stronger, tanner, but regardless of it all you were still my best friend. You still walked me to all my classes and ignored all the puddles of drool." She says and intertwines our fingers.

"I couldn't drop you for anyone Alice. No one could ever compare to you." I say and squeeze her hand. She grew up over that summer. She grew into her features and slimed up. She went from my pretty best friend to my beautiful best friend in 8 weeks. I was threatening guys before I even got back home. They were messaging me for her number.

"You drove me to school every day and I waited for you after school every day. Every game I was there. Every test we stayed up all night and helped each other study. You didn't date anyone and I didn't give anyone a chance. You took me to the dances and your eyes never left mine all those days and nights." She whispers and lays our hands on her chest.

She's always been observant. She could always read people better than anyone I've met. She's kind and open to anything. She's never rude unless she needs to be. She's always been the better half of me. She's the good people want to be.

"As smart as we were, we were pretty dumb. As much as I watched you, I never noticed you watching me like I watched you. You never made any moves on me. All those nights I spent with you. We went on dates Jared. We didn't date other people. Why didn't you say anything?" She asks and looks up to me.

"I didn't want things to be awkward." I reply. It was true. I didn't want to lose her.

"Jared, we've slept in the same bed since you were 10. We spend the night with each other. We do things best friends shouldn't do. Things being awkward shouldn't have crossed your mind."

"I know. Were not typical though Alice. We've never been ordinary."

"Then why didn't you just kiss me when you had the chance? I don't understand." She whispers.

Why didn't I? Why didn't I just kiss her? Why don't I kiss her now? Why didn't I grab her when i could? Because I'm afraid to hurt her. Being with Alice, is like being with a better version of myself. I'm afraid to take things further. Especially now. Leo hurt her in ways I don't understand because I've never let myself hurt her. Except I did hurt her. I blocked her from every high school experience that she would have learned from. I don't regret it though. I protected her and I'll spend the rest of my life protecting her however I can.

"Alice, I never went any further because I didn't want to hurt you. I know now that I would've saved you from being hurt. But I'm not gonna make a move on you until this Leo thing blows over. When it's all over with, then I'll pursue you." I say and use my other hand to pull her closer to me.

"Always the knight in shining armor." She whispers and snuggles against me.

"Just yours." I say softly before kissing her head.