Regarding Love

Happy New Year!

January 1,2015 6PM

Since it decided to rain, we had the 'cookout' inside. We made all kinds of food and everyone brought something.

I even decided to wear a dress. It was a long sleeved blue dress. It would have matched my eyes if they weren't dull and grey today. I put on black flats and black jewelry. I straightened my hair and put on natural makeup. I looked pretty in a clean way.

There was a lot of people. All our family that we were close with, dad's coworkers, mom's friends, my siblings even brought people. Leo wasn't there, but his parents were. That should surprise me.

"You okay?" Mom asks as she rubs my shoulder. I've been hiding my ring finger from her so I don't have to explain anything to her. I could always lie to her but that wouldn't be right.

"Yeah. I'm fine." I say with a fake smile.

"You sure? You're not acting right sweetie." She says.

"I'm fine mom. It's New Years. I'm just a bit jittery."

"Well we still have lots to talk about sweetheart. I've got to tend to company."

"I know. I'll be fine. I'll go talk with everyone in a minute."

I watch her get up and walk away. I'm suppose to be happy and celebrating but I can't get my mind off everything. The fact that there isn't a ring on my finger anymore makes me nervous.

"So remember when we use to be close when we were little? You have that look on your face." Jared says as he sits beside me.

"What look?" I ask with a faint smile.

"You're thinking too much about something." He says before he hands me a drink.

"Something like that." I say as I grab the drink from him. I remember last night. He knows there's something wrong.

"Ahh. I understand now." He says.

"No you don't Jared. You just think you do." I say before taking a gulp of the drink, which turns out to be beer.

"You've always been the smart one, very observant. I'm not as smart but I know you. Even if I haven't seen you in years. I know you."

"Jared how much have you had to drink?" I ask as I set my cup on the table.

"A few cups of water." He says tilting his cup to me. The liquid is clear. I don't think he'd lie to me.

"I trust you I suppose." I say as I push his drink back.

He grabs my hand and I mentally curse myself. I let him feel my finger and I know he's asking about the ring without saying anything.

"It's a long story Jare." I say and pull my hand back.

"Then let's dance. I'm guessing you don't wanna talk about it." He says and stands up.

"I don't dance Jared, you know that." I complain.

"That was years ago! Plus, you were on dancer one back in high school. You could dance then. You have to dance now." He says with a grin and I almost want to give in.

"I'm surprised you remember. Regardless, I don't dance anymore." I say shocked.

"Please. Come on just dance with me. It's a slow song it'll be easy. I won't bite." He pouts.

"Don't do that face Jared. Leo wouldn't like it." I say as my smile falters.

"Well Leo left you alone Alice. He's not even here. You deserve a good start of the year." He says. I know it makes sense and I should just dance with the guy. The thought of Leo won't leave my brain though.

"I'm really sorry Jared but I can't." I say finally.

"Yeah I understand. It was stupid of me to think.. I mean to ask." He says and walks off.

I didn't mean to hurt his feelings. I keep getting myself in messes. I keep digging deeper and the hole is already over my head.

"Hey babygirl." Dad says. I look up and see him standing there in front of me. I guess I've been sitting alone for a while.

"Hey dad." I mutter and smile.

"You're gonna get up and dance with me." He says sternly.

"Dad I don't dance. I just turned Jared down too."

"It wasn't a question." He says and pulls me up.

A song starts playing as dad leads me to the room where the dancing is going on. I look to the stage and see Jared playing his guitar and it looks like he's bout to sing.

"The guys pretty good, which is why I asked him to play us a song." Dad tells me as we start dancing.

Jared starts singing and I listen to the words as I think back to my younger years. Things weren't always good but my dad always tried. He always made sure we had food and power.

I place my face in his shirt and the tears come before I know it. Daddy stops dancing and rubs my back.

"I don't know what to do daddy. I'm lost." I whimper.

"I know baby." He whispers.

"Do you remember when I was little and we went to the daddy daughter dance? When I had to stand on your shoes to dance with you?" I say with a smile.

"I couldn't forget it darling." He says softly.

"Am I too heavy to stand on your feet daddy?" I ask like a little kid. I don't mean it literally and dad knows that.

"You'll always be my little girl Alice. You'll never be too heavy to stand on my feet." He says and kisses my head.

"I love you dad. Happy New Years." I whisper before kissing his cheek.

"Happy New Years baby." He says and smiles.