Missing Kunoichi (Book 2 of MK Series)

Letters

When I awoke, in traditional Kakashi fashion, I was alone in bed. And yet, there was a note on the nightstand and I stared at it for at least ten minutes before a shaky hand was outstretched to pick it up. I stared down at the writing and it blurred in and out of focus, I was crying. I hadn't read a single word but I was terrified of what he had written.

Kitten,

I thought I'd keep with tradition and slip away while you slept soundly. I could see the smirk on his face as he wrote those words. You were in a peaceful slumber and I didn't want to wake you. In all honesty, I have a mission with Sakura and Kiba today, I'll be back tonight.

I left some things on the kitchen island, take what you want, or leave it all, it's up to you. I hope to see you again before you leave, but if you wish for last night to be our goodbye, I understand.

I'm going to ask you, again, to come back to me. To come home and... there was a scratch mark where he marked out a word, then again, and again. I could hear his sigh in my head as he couldn't seem to get his thoughts on the paper. I'm lost. I smiled lightly. I don't know how to say what I want without scaring you. So, I guess I'll just say it.

My heart thundered and hands became slick with sweat. My stomach churned and I tried to take a deep breath but found a constricting feeling in my chest.

I love you. Deeply. Purely. Wholeheartedly. You're my world. My sun and moon, the stars, and the seas. The storms that water the earth are the same storms that offer me solace. You're everything to me, kitten, and I'm tired of watching you go.

I will let you go this time, again, but I will not let you go easily. My heart skipped a beat. You will call me at least once a week and you will either visit with the boys or come get me to visit Suna, once a month. The boys... I smiled at his words.

I'm not saying that I will wait for you, I can't make that promise without knowing what you want. But, I will be here, you forever on my mind and in my heart. You ensnared me, without you even knowing it.

Shisui was still alive and you were returning from a mission when I spotted you laughing at something he had said. It was so pure and innocent and I wanted you to look at me like that. It was wrong of me, and I felt ashamed and filthy at the thoughts I had of you.

The night of the massacre I was burning with anger, when I realized Shisui's death hadn't reached you yet, you were away on a mission when he disappeared. Then Itachi's betrayal... I wanted to protect you from it all. That was the night I realized it was more than this sexual need that filled me when I looked at you. As I held your body close to mine and carried you to the hospital, I let myself indulge in the warmth of your body and I admitted I was beginning to fall for you.

I threw myself into work, alcohol, and sex after that, hoping to wipe you from my mind. His admission stung, but I understood his words. You were taboo, off-limits, and out of reach. Almost a full seven years my junior and a student of mine, I shouldn't want you, but I definitely shouldn't love you.

Then, you knocked on my door. That night is etched into my memory. The uncertain look you held the second I opened the door, to the defiant gaze you threw as you began to walk away. The terrified expression when I pinned you to the door and then the desire that rolled off of you as I held you there.

Your touch set my skin ablaze and my heart racing as you traced my scar. I was thankful you pulled away, unsure I could hold myself back if you had pulled my mask down. And every time you slip the fabric from my face, I will never hesitate to kiss you again. And every time you touch me, my skin is still on fire and my heart still races.

I'm sure you're smiling at my ridiculous letter, my mind, and words jumping all over the place, but this is what it's like to be in my mind when you're around. As you lay behind me in my bed I can't help but be selfish and dream of a way to keep you there forever.

Just like I won't promise you I'll wait, I won't promise you I won't keep trying to win your heart again. Somewhere inside of you is the flame that burns for me, and I'll find it, and I'll set it burning once again.

If anyone in this life deserves love and happiness, it's you, kitten, and I'll give my own life to make sure you have it. Though, that seems counterproductive. I shook my head slightly at his words. You may think I'm crazy, after three years I still feel this deep love for you, but you forget... I loved you all those years you were gone before.

I love you, kitten. Never forget that. I hope I can make you see yourself the way I see you. A wise woman once said 'we all have demons, we just have to remember we don't have to fight them alone'. Maybe you should heed your own advice. His smirk flashed in my mind again and I couldn't help but chuckle even though the tears slid down my cheeks.

And kitten, come back to me.

- Dog

Another small smile with the shake of my head at the way he signed his letter. I wasn't quite sure what to make of the letter, he poured his heart and soul into and I had given him nothing but one night of semi-transparency. I didn't deserve his love at all, but he'd never hear it if I told him that, again. I finally stood from his bed and dressed as I found my clothes placed on his dresser.

When I entered the kitchen I was stunned. My heartbeat rapidly in my chest as I approached the island that was littered with belongings. Sketches. Pictures. Letters. A familiar bracelet and crests. Clothes as well.

He kept every sketch I ever gave him, and even some he must've collected from my apartment after I left in a huff. Pictures I didn't even know he had taken or had someone else take, many from my later years of traveling alone, only Jirayia could've taken. Letters he had written to me over the years that he had nowhere to send. Letters I had sent to Jirayia updating him were mixed in. The bracelet. The crest.

Kakashi had left a bag beside the island and I placed the clothes in it for Raiu he had made. I placed the letters into the bag and then picked one picture from the stack of me and Kakashi, it was from the lantern festival and I'm sure a certain Sage had taken it. Lastly, I scooped up the bracelet and crest before I zipped the bag.

I stood there, my mind working quickly as to what I wanted to do. With a firm plan in mind, I turned on my heel and headed for Kakashi's desk and pulled out pen and paper. While I knew I wanted to leave him a note, I had no idea what to write on it. I'm sure I stood there a good twenty minutes before the pen finally met the paper.

My letter was simple, one sentence, one quote actually, and if he did remember that night, then he'd remember the words too.

You're a confusing man, Kakashi Hatake.

I exited his apartment with a new sense of life filling me. I decided I would make the rounds today, telling everyone who would care I was taking a mission in Suna, but I'd be visiting as often as I could- once a month according to my keeper. A confusing man indeed... but I still loved him all the same.