Orizon Stars

Chapter 32

"Bella, you need to take a break," Chloe stated as she sits on the bed. Beside her Lea stands eyes focus on her brother. "Take a break of what Chloe? Will you do the same if it was Logan?" I asked and lace my fingers with Parker. Warm.

"Bella.." She started with a pleading voice but I cut her off. "I'm not leaving his side, not anytime soon. Is that clear Chloe?" Every time when his family came to visit they keep on asking me to take a break and I'm tired of explaining to them.

"She is telling for your goodness." Lea joined us. Her heavyhearted eyes are the same color as Parker. She is beautiful with her beach wave blonde hair. "I know..." I looked at the man who my heart belongs to, " But the only one that can make me feel good is here. There's nowhere else on earth I'd rather be. Here lies my heart. " I smiled sadly and Chloe hugged me. I pat her reassuringly, "We will be fine".

********

Sixteen days have been passed with me sitting by his side, refusing to leave him alone. Days become heavier. I find myself crying a lot, breaking down a lot. Seeing Parker like this is not easy. I often hold his hands and look straight at him afraid if I blink he will vanish into the thin air. I often snuggled closer to him, hide my face under is neck inhaling his scent afraid if I didn't, I'll forget how he smells. I often listen to his heartbeat afraid it could be my last time listening to his. I often kiss him, afraid if I didn't I'll forget how he tastes.

And I'm afraid, scared, frightened of how things had turned up.

My fingers clutched tightly to the chain that guards the humans against the ocean. I'm at Harborwalk with Parker not by my side. Last time when we were here, I told him I'm a carrier, expecting he would leave. But he didn't.

The sun slowly sinks into the ocean, so does my tears. I miss him. Yes, he is here with me but he is not. Something is bothering me so bad. I just can't accept that Parker is in a coma.

What would have happened if Parker had died that day? How would I have live with knowing that he is dead?

I can't do that. Not again. I fall on my knees and hide my crying face in my hands. This time Parker is not here to hold me. He is not here to kiss away the pain. He is not here to fix me. He is in bed sleeping peacefully. He is alive but not here.

But what if he is not alive? What if he had left the way my brother does? Can I accept it?

I sobbed, failing to control both my tears and fears. Fear of losing one. I exactly knew what I'm up to and that very thought shatters the broken me again and again.

Why Parker you came into my life? Why I've to be this complicated?

The sun is nowhere to see. Guess it was drowned by the ocean. Just like how this love is drowning me.

******

I take a look at Parker's face before clicking the submit option of my mail. My resignation mail. I closed the laptop, set it aside, and watch him, fingers latching to his. Thirty days. One month. According to the doctor, Parker is showing good improvement and within a few weeks he will wake up. So I need to be faster.

"You know what Parker," Something that I usually do. Talking to him. I know he is listening. " All these years, no one has ever come after me when I walked away from them. No one. They let me go. Just like that." Tears started to swells. "The hope that someone will hold me tight and never let me go was shattered. I started to believe I'm not someone who deserved that." I touch his cheeks. "But you break my beliefs." His beard was rough under my soft palm. He looks so manly with the beard. I have told him many times but the problem is he is in a coma.

" When you came after me, that night when I told you I'm a carrier, when you hold me tightly to you, finally I can breathe." I wipe the tears with my free hand. " I remember I hold you tightly, don't want to let you go because finally, someone came after me." My eyes never leave him.

"I kissed you that night and pushed you away. But you didn't let me go. Then, you showed up in my hometown, making me realize I deserve some love. So I kissed you and pushed you away again." I bite my trembling lips. My heavy hearts only gains its pounds.

"You came back. Every fucking time you came back for me. And I was so selfish that I let myself fall for you and gave you hope when I know I will leave you. Because I'm just a coward." I cried. "Why Parker why? Why you fall in love with this coward girl?" I hit his shoulder lightly. "Why you stop me from running away from you Parker? Why every-time I pushed you away, you only pulled me closer?"

I buried my face on his chest. This is so hard but I have to. Listening to his fastening heartbeat, fully knowing that he is listening to me, I said my decision.

"But this time you can't stop me, Parker." Tears fall down, pooling his chest. "You can't able to pull me closer." I snuggled closer to him. His heartbeat speeding. I closed my eyes tightly, hurting both of us with my decision. "I'm leaving Parker. I'm going far away from you." I hugged him tightly, hoping his long arms will be wrapped around me, stopping me from going far away.

"I'm sorry Parker. My fears have taken a toll on me. I have to leave before you leave me. I'm too scared that what would I do if one day I lose you like my brother." I squeezed myself beside him. 

"I'm sorry, Parker. We are not horizon stars but orizon stars. We believe that we do exist but we just don't." I hide my face under his neck and hold him tightly one last time.

"One last night, Parker."