I took one last look at my house. My dream home in Boston since I was young. The same home where my first kiss with Parker happened. I relieve back the memories that still fresh in my mind and stand at my door, hoping this is some sort of bad dream. I'm leaving everything that I love for the sake of love. With a sigh, I step back and close the door slowly. All my things are packed and already shipped. Left was my two luggage which is already in the taxi. The world seems meaningless as I descend the steps. The only thing that makes sense was our times on these stairs. On these steps, he confessed his love. On these steps, he kissed me last. Most of our conversations happened on these stairs. I touch the railings of steps and think of how his eyes shine whenever he sent me back home.
"And I promise that not only your home that I'm going to be inside...Bella.."
Tears flow steadily and I bite my lips, accepting the pain. Anyone can say I'm being coward, selfish, and many more things, which the only things I deserve now and forever. With one last look at the home, I hop into the waiting taxi.
**********************
I placed his brown jacket on the table beside his bed, then the watch I bought for him when he was out of town. When I was buying the watch, it never crosses my mind that this is how things will end up. The watch was placed inside a beautifully craven wooden box. Parker lies still. My lips tremble as I see him. I check his brown jacket's left pocket to make sure the letter I had written for him is safely there. My first and last letter to him.
Tears blur my view. Closing my eyes, I hold his warm hand and sits on the bed. His black locks fallen recklessly on his forehead. He needs a haircut. I adjust his disheveled hair and let my finger feels his soft hair. The bandage was removed.
My grip on his left hand tightens, but not his. His long lashes, sharp nose, chapped lips. The tiny freckles he made of. The stubble he made of. Tears fall on our laced fingers. "I'm leaving, Parker." My voice trembles. "When you wake up, I'll be not here Parker. I'm going somewhere not far away."
Please don't let me go. Please wake up...
"No matter where I'm, I'll be there silently speaking of our love." My heart aches. "Just don't be too sad, Parker. Don't collapse, please. Don't break down. Your tears hurt me, Parker." Holding his face, I kissed him on the lips. Tears dampen our lips. My lips linger on his for few seconds, savoring the feeling, before I pull back a little. My eyes were on his closed one.
"Because... I love you, Parker."
It's only the sound of me crying. I've finally uttered the three words he longs to hear. Now I know how does it feel to not hearing back I love you too. Even the pain makes my whole body aches, I can feel his heartbeat thumping loud under my chest silently telling me, he is listening and dying to stop me from running away.
My forehead met his as I cried softly. "This is what you want to hear right?" I place a kiss on his nose."I love you, Parker. More than anything." I kissed him again. "I'm sorry for doing this, Parker." I hugged him one last time and inhale his scent, one last time. If I stay any longer, I'll never leave him I know.
Wiping the tears off my face and his face, I took a step back away from Parker and the bed. I take another few steps back, away from him. My body was shaking uncontrollably, weeping of my decision to leave him.
"Damn I love you Bella"
Only that memory of him on my rooftop it takes for me to run back and hugs him tightly. "I love you..." I kissed his lips, "I love you.." Then his eyes, "I love you..." Then his cheeks. I keep on muttering the three words as I kissed him everywhere.
I can't do this. It's too much. Fate is such a joke in my life. I wish my heart stop right here, rather than me leaving him alone. For the sake of love, I have to go. So with no heart, I detached myself away from him.
"I love you, Parker. You who were like a dream is the one I love."
With saying that, I turn my back on him and walk fast. Tears fall heavily. With every step, my heartfelt empty and just looks at love from distance. The time I started to walk away from him just flowed away meaninglessly. My heart aches for me to run back into Parker's hands. But my demons were stronger that my legs didn't stop until it reaches the parking area, where my taxi waits.
"The doctor's coat suits you, Bella."
That very first time he surprised me at the parking area, runs in my mind.
"Why you're staring at me...".
"Because I like to."
The wind craves our memories deeply.
"Love doesn't find reasons, Bella."
A moment passes by for another moment. Even the precious memories hurt and ache, deep love, can last forever. It's just my love will live silently. Glancing back at the building where my love is, one last time, I hopped into the taxi.
"Don't hate me, Parker"
-THE END-
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I close my laptop, put it beside me, and stretched a little. Finally, I've finish writing my story. My love story. I look at Parker's smiling picture on my bedside table and a small sad smile crept on my lips. Today marks two years since I left him and settled in Houston. And also today I finished writing our unrequited love story. Two years passed and I've never met Parker. Only my parents knew where I'm and there are with me here in Houston. So there's no way to Parker know where I'm. Just as how I planned. The thought that he is living his life out there is enough for me to live this life.
"I love you, Parker." I switched off the bedside lamp
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Romantik" I don't know how to kiss.." I whispered and avoided his intense stares. "This is my first time.." With a groan Parker cupped my face, his forehead meets mine. His eyes were shut but mine were not. I indulge with the delicate aftershave scent and...
