19 - Chapter Nineteen - Emerson Bennett's Point Of View.

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Finding myself stressed out over the current events that had unfolded in my now "normal" life I needed to seek someone I could talk to. After looking online for days, I found someone who I was sure could help me. They weren't a Therapist like a wanted but I really didn't have many options. Jackson had done a background check and deemed the Psychiatrist a decent option. I hadn't even lived with Maddox for an entire two weeks and he had yelled at me over something I didn't do and something I couldn't control and all I wanted to do was punch him. I couldn't understand why he felt the need to fight with me, more so the day right after my shot. I didn't bother telling Maddox about the appointment with the Doctor. The last thing I needed was him freaking out about that. Getting dressed in my normal clothing after a decent breakfast I left Maddox's private section. Jackson had his own little space around the corner from Maddox's office. I didn't bother saying anything to Maddox because I could hear the mood he was in as he yelled about something that didn't concern me in the slightest. We passed Cade on our way out and he looks just as tired as I did, Mom had said things were ok for the most part. It was just strange having someone living with you after being apart so long. I could understand that.

Jackson and I got into a more normal-looking SUV. We talked the whole way to the appointment about Mafia things in general and then about his daughter. I had a chance to meet Rosie the first weekend I had officially lived with Maddox. She was just such an adorable carbon copy of Jackson. He adored her with every breath he had. I found it funny.

When we got to the office, I found it really hard to get out of the vehicle. Jackson looked at me concerned.

"If you can't do this right now it can always be re----"
"I need to do this now."
"Ok. I will be here."

Jackson turned off the car and pulled out his phone as I got out of the car. Going inside the building it was really easy to find my way around. Thank goodness for that. The lady at the desk took my name and information giving me a package to fill out. After I filled out all the information I could I gave it back and waited for the lady to call my name and show me to the room I was going to be in. The room had two chairs and a couch. It looked almost like a living room. It was really strange.

"Please sit, Dr.Martin will be here to see you in a few moments."
"Thank you."

Sitting down it didn't take long for Dr. Martin to come into the room. He was a very thin male with glasses and a strange air about him. He smiled and introduced himself to me before shaking my hand. We spoke about all kinds of things from my father to the murder of the bullies who hurt me.

"What about a relationship? Do you have an active relationship?"
"I do, but its complicated with the job that my boyfriend does."
"Tell me about him?"
"He is an ass, but he is gentle, kind and very protective of his family."
"Tell me how that makes you feel?"
"I feel all kinds of things, Sometimes it makes me angry and other times it makes me feel blessed to have someone like that."
"How long have you been together?"
"Not very long, a few months. Two I believe."
"And you are living together?"
"His job put me in danger and it was safest for me to live with him."

Dr took notes about what I said. I felt like I was exposing Maddox.

"Emerson, I have to ask, Are you involved in any of the illegal activities in the city and the surrounding area?"
"No."
"Emerson is your boyfriend involved in the illegal activities in the area."
"Yes."
"This is the danger you are talking about, yes?"
"Sort of."
"You understand that legally should you say anything that relates to harming yourself or others I have to alert the police."
"Yes. I do."
"I, however, will not be alerting the police."

I looked at the Dr. very confused by his words. He took his glasses of pinching his nose the look of dissatisfaction on his face.

"Emerson, I am also on the Mafia payroll. What you say is safe with me."
"I understand."
"Don't think because im paid by them that I won't treat you like any other patient. I will help you to the best of my abilities and if I find I can't be beneficial in the treatment for any reason, I will make sure you are left in capable hands of another."
"Ok."

We talked about a bunch more things, Like my father, my attack, my transition and my boyfriend. We had a really good talk about everything, I felt drained but on a better playing field.

"Same time in two weeks? or do monthly appointments work better?"
"Let's go for two weeks, at least for now."
"Of course, these are your sessions, you pick what you need."

After getting my next appointment I left the office and back out to the car, Jackson was deep in texting someone that I managed to slip into the passenger seat without him noticing.

"Next time you help me find a Therapist or Psychiatrist, find someone who's not having their pockets lined by Maddox."

Jackson looked startled and gave me a confused look before setting his phone down.

"I really didn't know that Dr. Martin was on our payroll. Im not in charge of that shit. The Forth underboss is, that's his whole section, mine is weapons and dealings of that nature, but it will be nice to give the dude the whole story with having to worry about him calling the cops on you."
"Yeah."
"You feeling at all better?"
"I have another session in two weeks and I'm drained, That's probably the stress of everything, You know because im not used to this kind of lifestyle."
"You just need to find something else to put above the rest of the shit going on, for me, it's giving my family a better life, It's why I do what I do."
"Really?"
"Yeah, My family gets a good section of the money I bring with Maddox
"That's kind of you."
"We take care of those closest to us."
"I got that."

Out of everyone I was meeting Jackson seemed to be the closet thing to a normal guy I could notice. Maddox was just that, Maddox. His shit wasn't my normal, it was starting to be though, and that scared me.

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