My Light In The Dark (kamishin)

Lingerie

TRIGGER WARNING
Shinso

There's no easy way to put it. I'm in a depressive episode. I've been hiding it, but I'm almost at a breaking point. Denki noticed and told me that I could always talk to him. I merely nodded and continued eating. The worst part is I can't ignore him. We share a dorm now. I can tell he's worried, the others too. My dad has pulled me aside multiple times in the last 3 days, asking if I'm okay. I always reply with a small yes or nod and continue on. I've also started self harming again, my boots off now to. But I just fell back. I snap back to the conversation that was happening at lunch, oh yeah. I also haven't been eating much.

"Toshi, are you sure you're okay?" I growl, I'm sick of people not actually caring and only asking to be nice.

"I don't know how many times I have to tell you. I'm fucking fine." That venom in my voice got everyone's attention, all looking over at us stopping their own conversations. "Fuck this." I slam the table, standing up and walking away. Back to the dorm my dad and papa use when it's a busy week. I go straight to my room in the dorm, laying on my bed and sighing loudly. I feel tears bubble up in my eyes for the 100th time this week. I need a fucking escape, music and writing aren't working. Only fucking hurting myself does. My phone blows up all at once. I look through all the notifications.

"What's wrong sleepy?"

"You all good bro?"

"You need to get high?"

"Shinso! What's wrong?" Among 1000 other questions. Again I'm sick of people acting like they care. But the one that stuck out like a sore thumb was one from Denki.

"I promised to help you, you have to let me." I feel the tears coming out now, only noticed because of the one that landed square on my screen. I sigh, for what seems like the 500th time this week, wiping my nose and eyes. Fuck it, let's do this.

"Denki, I'm falling right back to where I used to be." I hit send and wait, for anything.

"So let me help, instead of getting mad and running off let me help. I promised, and I don't go back on promises." I nod, to no one in particular. I knew this is how he would respond, I just fucking knew.

"I know, I'm just so used to being alone during it. And I'm just so fucking scared."

"Why tosh?"

"I'm afraid I'll drift so far away I'll take the easy way out again." Right after I send the text, my phone buzzes and 'Incoming Call- Denks." Flashes on my screen. I hit answer, I just need him.

"How much times do I need to tell you, you didnt take the easy way out, you felt guilty cause I was a fucking slut in heat. I couldn't keep my dick in my pants and my insane crush on you made me call you." I shake my head, wiping the tears that came back. 

"I know Denks, I just don't wanna feel like this. Literally nothing bad has happened but my brain is fucking turning on itself again." He sighs, thinking for a moment.

"I'll be right back guys. See you next period." There a long moment of silence. "You just need to fuck me." I choke, not expecting the answer. "You need to take it out, without hurting yourself. Fucking hurt me."

"Denki, you know I would. But the things I wanna do to myself include permanent damage. I'm not putting that on you. I would love to cuddle though." I hear a small noise of disappointment come through the end of the line.

"Come back to our dorm, I'll set up a cheesy horror movie. Maybe put something cute on dunno yet. Come cuddle your omega." I nod, again to no one in particular.