SSA Roberts (a criminal minds fic)

not okay

I woke up today knowing what I had. That meeting with the 56 SA's in charge. It would've been no problem if I didn't wake up with a call from Pen

"We've got a case"

"I have a meeting today"

"Looks like no travelling for you"

"Could I join them tomorrow"

"I'll see what hotch says bye"

"Bye"

I guess this is what my dad was saying "You'll miss many cases travelling wise but you need to be there for your team at the same time" It was gonna be heard not travelling with the teamall the time. I mean I felt better to be on the scene than through a screen.

Considering that my last trip into the field almost got me killed, I feel like I need to have a good one to remember.

I was almost ready to walk out the door when I got a text from hotch.

I can't let you back in the field just yet

What why?

Technically your 2 weeks isn't up.

But hotch it finished yesterday

Just stay behind Madeline.

Okay what the hell? Hotch is never like this. I wasn't gonna continue to fight with him.

When I got to my office I was mad to say the least. I just wanted to be back in the field. It wasn't gonna be a big problem either, I could literally come the next day or as soon as the meeting finished.

Where are you?

Reid texted me.

I have a directors meeting but I was gonna try to come after but hotch says I just need to stay behind so

Weird. I'm sorry. It's probably for the better

The better?? I get that the team may not need me but that doesn't mean that it's not my job to be there too. What better could losing a team member be anyways? I'm so mad.

When I got to my meeting the room was filled with 56 people, Id say 13 women and 43 men, wonderful.

"Hi everyone I'm director Madeline Alexandria Roberts, please just call me Madeline. Now we're gonna go straight into questions. Lets start with you and then we'll go down the row" as I pointed to the man at the end

"How are you gonna be focused on being director and focus on being a profiler?"

"Multitasking" My answers were short and sweet. If I could get info from garcia on where the team was going I could get out of here and catch a flight.

"Pay raises for any department?" "If it's in the budget I'd definitely look into it"

"Is the white collar crimes unit going to get more agents?"

"Not many NATS are interested in going into that so, new agents probably not"

This was so boring. If the rest of my days as director were like this, I'd die 3 months in. A whole 4 hours later we finished. I ran out of the conference room and into Garcia's office.

"Tell me where the team is going and can you book me a flight"

"I can't"

"Why"

"Hotch told me I couldn't"

I told myself I wouldn't abuse my power "and I am your director asking you to tell me where the BAU went" but I think I just did.

"Madeline you don't need to work this one"

"Why"

"Because you just can't"

"Why Garcia"

"MADDY." she collected herself "It's a trafficking ring. Believed to be in connection to the last one"

My face went stone. It felt like I was back with the gun barrel.

"Tell the team I'll be in my office if they need me just call"

Garcia definitely felt bad for ever saying anything "Okay"

When I got to my office I locked my door and turned off the buzz in feature. I sat on the ground whilst my anxiety overwhelmed me. How were they gonna do this? What agent was gonna be sent in? Why didn't this come through me? Then I realized the only way it could've gone straight to hotch and not through me.

The CIA Director sent it.

I remember he gave me a business card, I stood up from the floor and went to my phone.

"This is Jim Kal-"

"Where the hell did you send my team"

"That's classified"

"Not when I'm in charge. Now if you wanna take this to the DOJ be my guest or you can just tell me what the hell you sent my team into. Make your choice Jim"

"They're in Tampa Florida" He admitted "It's one of the biggest rings we've seen"

"And how exactly do you intend on infiltrating that?"

"Undercover Agents"

"Who" I demanded

"They're CIA not yours" he continued on "Her name is Mia Rios. One of our best agents. I can assure you she won't end up with a gun to her head"

"Fuck you" I said as I hung up

He was making fun of my trauma how lovely of him. God I wanted to cry. I went to Garcia's office to let her know I was running home.

She saw my eyes about to burst "Are you okay" Wrong question garcia

I dropped a tear "I- I'm gonna home for a sec and I'll be back if the team needs anything let me know"

She blew me a kiss "Bye sugar"

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As soon as I sat on my couch I got a call from Spencer

"Madeline, Garcia told me"

"Reid it's happening. It's affecting my job and i don't know what to do. Please help me"

"Just let it out. Hang up and go to your bed and let it out"

"Okay"

"I love you"

"I love you too"

I did what he told me. I cried and I cried. I screamed the emotional pain of it all out. It hurt. Oh it hurt so bad. I couldn't save everyone. That's what hurt the most. I knew if I could I would never feel this. How bad would this affect me?

God I hoped this was it.

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As much as I just wanted to stay home and cry I had to go back to work. Thats when sunglasses would be my best friend.

Many small glances but nothing major.

When I buzzed into my office, a woman in a a pink dress.

"Garcia I love you"

"How are you"

"I'm not okay" I broke in her arms

"I brought my laptop so I'm gonna be here with you during this whole thing okay?"

I nodded and returned to her arms. I definitely could not work this and I'm glad hotch didn't let me.

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2 days later

I still wasn't allowed to work even 2 days later. I was worried but garcia kept saying "they are okay"

I wondered how that agent was doing. I looked into her, she was pretty and her record of cases was impressive.

I haven't spoken to Reid in 2 days. He claimed he was just super busy. I believed him. Reid didn't seem like the person to cheat. So I wasn't worried. 

a/n

sorry for that ending yall 

i love you 

blm: https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/