c • r • u • s • h // ryland storms

• b a e f o r t h e n i g h t •

3rd September 2021

"Wake up baby, it's ten am." said Noah kissing my shoulder. Did he just call me baby?

"Did you just call me baby?" I said.

"Yes, what is wrong with that?" he asked.

"Noah I don't know what you're thinking but we are not dating." I said. "We are just friends."

  "But we had sex last night." he said.

  I smiled. "Friends with benefits, then."

"So you gave Ryland 9th chance but you're afraid of giving me one." he said. "Lana I swear the God I won't break your heart." He seemed really sad. Jaden was right when he said you'll destroy him.

  I hold Noah's hands. "Noah you know what happened with Kio, Bryce and Ryland. Specially Ryland broke my heart too much and now I'm afraid of loving someone again. Please give me a bit of time."

  "Okay." he said. "You'll see, I will change your mind. I will show you how much I love you, then you'll want to date me."

I smiled. "But till then, just friends with benefits."

————

  "So lately you're doing everything I told you not to do." said Jaden when I told him what happened between me and Noah. I told him about my new life too. "New life is good, Noah is not." he said. "You don't love him, what is the difference between dating Bryce and Noah?"

  "Well, I was hating Bryce, he was forcing me to kiss him, have sex with him, staying with him... But I don't hate Noah, actually I love him as a friend." I said. "Anyways Jaden, as I told you,last night was the last night of my past life. I have a new life, let me live it."

"Hope I won't see you sad again." he kissed my forehead.

"I promise you won't." I smiled. "Now I'll go to my home. I need to take a shower and I need my clothes."

"Last night, when you went to sleep we kept talking. Amelie will move in, Charli and Dixie are not a part of hype house and they will
move in too. So Nessa and Mads." said Jaden.

"Jaden we don't have enough room since my room became Riley's." I said.

"Yeah that's why we talked with guys and we will buy a new mansion. Near yours, as big as yours." said Jaden. "So today when you go to your home just get ready, we will be there in two or three hours with Damelio's, Amelie, Riley, Nessa and Mads, we will look for houses." he said, I hugged him. "I'm so happy about it."

I went to my home, took a shower, get dressed and eat my breakfast. Then Riley called me to let me know that they are coming. We went to look for houses and we bought one.

   14th September 2021

   In the forthcoming days my days were same as the others. Wake up, fake smile to everyone, run from Bryce and Kio, hang out with others, go to clubs, get high, do drugs, take alcohol, fuck with Noah, sleep, wake up, do the same shits...

  But this life never take my pain away from me. I can easily say, ten days living like this took 10 years from my life...

  When Avani stabbed me, I thought that was the worst pain I ever had but there are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.

I don't want any more of this try, try again stuff. I just want out. I've had it. I am so tired. I am twenty and I am already exhausted. The sun stopped shining for me is all. The whole story is: I am sad. I am sad all the time and the sadness is so heavy that I can't get away from it. Not ever. The truth is some people are just not meant to be in this world. It's just too much for them. You know what they say, this world is a hell for sensitive hearts. I can't take it anymore.