c • r • u • s • h // ryland storms

• j a d e n 's p o v •

  18th September 2021

"Are you sure about it?" asked Mads. "Maybe it's just for a song?" We were in Lana's house, talking about the note I found in Lana's diary.

"Mads there was a few songs and a suicide letter. They seemed pretty serious to me and I don't know what to do. Should I talk with her directly?" I asked to Mads.

  "Jay, look at her, she seems happy! After all this times she is really happy, just look at her." Mads put her hand to my chin and turned my face to Lana. She was in the pool with Noah, Amelie and Blake.
She was wrapping her legs around Noah's torso, Noah was grabbing her hips and they were talking, laughing. They were both seeming really happy. Then Blake and Amelie went near them in a sneaky way and Amelie pulled Lana into water while Blake was pulling Noah into water. I couldn't help smiling watching them. Mads puts her hands on mines. "It's so sweet, your pure love to Lana."

"It might be hard to believe but really, I see her as a sister, not a friend. She means me more than a friend." I said.

"Yeah, I know, I totally understand that. It's obvious you care her more than her own sister does." said Mads. "Shall we talk with her?"

"Mads what am I supposed to say? Hey Lana, i found your diary and I read it, please don't suicide."

"You're right. So what we will do?" asked Mads.

"Wish I know the answer baby." I kissed her forehead.

  "Hey my parents, why don't you come into pool?" yelled Amelie to us.

"Come." said Mads holding my hand and we jumped into pool. When we swam to the end of pool, I saw Noah and Lana kissing, very deeply and disgusting.

Lana is so good at this fucking her own life thing.

"Get yourself a room." yelled Amelie.

"And they keep saying they are just friends." said Blake.

They didn't break the kiss, Lana showed Blake her middle finger.

It's so weird to watch her knowing she wrote her own suicide note. I'm mad at her, how she can think ending her own life? And why she never mentioned me that? She can fake near everyone but I wanted her to be trust with me. If she didn't talk with me about that, that means she doesn't see me close enough. I thought maybe she wants to talk with Addison but Addison doesn't want to talk. It's my dilemma. I can do anything to save Lana but can't do anything at the same time.

   I just hold my breath and dive into water, sat on the ground of pool. I put my hands to my head, I wanted to scream, I wanted to fill my lounges with water. It's the worst thing seeing someone you love is fading away. Wish I could be able do something.

  Then Lana came to me and she hold my hand, she dragged me to the out of water. "Fuck you Jaden, you scared to hell out of me." she hugged me. "Who can't know how I scared when I didn't see you. I thought, I thought..."

  "Nothing happened." I said and hugged her. "I'm okay."

  "You didn't came to the surface for 3 fucking minutes. What you were doing down there?" she yelled.

"Lana calm down, I'm here, I'm okay. I understand that losing someone you love is scary, it's awful. I know it makes you feel so helpless but I'm alive. Don't worry, I don't think going anywhere, I love my life." I said hoping she'd understand. "Anyways, I'll get a drink to myself, does anyone want too?" I asked to others but no one wanted anything. I went to kitchen, then Mads came after me. "Jaden I have an idea." she said.

  "I'm listening." I wanted her to tell what she's thinking.

    "I'll tell but promise you won't get mad at me." she said. What the hell she'll say?

  "Mads baby, just say it." I put my hands to her cheeks.

  "There are four people Lana care too much, two of them are you and me. Third one is Addison but she didn't want to see Lana. Fourth one is..." K interrupted her. "No."

  "Jaden it might work." she said.

"Forget this idea. I won't let that motherfucker to break my sisters heart again cause if he break her heart again, I swear the God, this time I couldn't be able to keep myself calm, I'll break his neck."  I said. "My answer is no. I won't go to Ryland and beg him for give Lana fake happiness and more sadness."

———-

   Mads and I were sitting in the balcony of Sway House. It's good that I can see Lana's home from the balcony of my room.

   Her houses marble coat was shining with sunlights.

   "Lana's house is so perfect." said Mads. "It's just like a marble castle shining at the golden hour and Lana is the queen who lives in there." She sighed. "Hope I never be able to have this house."

  I hold her hand. "I hope too..."