Some Things Never Change [SHAWN MENDES]

May 22, 2019

Drunk drunk drunk.

That's what I was. The guys had taken me out after I'd told them that Fiona had ended things. I couldn't tell them that Ceci had done the same, so as far as they knew, all the sadness I was exhibiting was connected to my gorgeous Irish love and not my best friend.

"Fuck women," I said as I slammed my pint glass on the table. "Fuck 'em all!"

"That would be one way to get over her," Matt said with a nod of his head. "And given who you are, I bet a fair percent of all women would be up for it."

"You really haven't been with that many chicks since you and Fiona started up, right? Maybe it's time for the era of player-Mendes," Ian suggested.

That wasn't what I wanted. Fucking a random woman was always a little awkward and strange. I liked the comfort level that came with being with someone repeatedly, which probably explained the pattern Ceci had lectured me about.

"Naw," I said. "I think the opposite is true. I wanna girlfriend. I want someone who loves me, not someone who only likes me because I'm famous."

"And you wanted Fiona to be that person," Brian said, stating the obvious.

"She doesn't love me. Or maybe she just loves him more. I dunno."

"For what it's worth...I don't think he deserved the Oscar for that artsy movie last year. He's overrated," Ian said.

"I'll drink to that!" I cheered, raising my glass.

When the bar closed, my friends put me in an Uber that was supposed to take me back to my condo. As we passed a small park, I tapped the driver on the shoulder.

"Lemme out here, please."

"I'm not going to recalculate your ride," he said as he pulled over

"That's ok. Keep the full amount plus this," I said as I handed him a wad of cash before exiting the car.

The place was deserted, which wasn't surprising since it was the middle of the night and it was drizzling rain. I saw a sign that said "Clarence Square" and wondered who Clarence was. Maybe there'd be a "Shawn Square" in Toronto one day.

I stumbled around until I found a wrought iron bench. Collapsing on it, I took out my phone and opened Instagram. I searched for Fiona first and saw several pics of her and Vince out in London, looking like a happy couple. She gazed at him like he was her whole world and I thought to myself that she was the one who deserved an award for acting, not him.

Then I went to Ceci's account. She hadn't posted in awhile, but I scrolled through her photos, taking in her beauty and radiant personality.

Of the two of them, it hurt more to look at my best friend. She'd told me a dozen times before that we weren't fooling around any more and that never stuck, so I knew there was always a chance that it would happen again. I wasn't sure that I wanted to do that any more...at least not like we'd done in the past.

I scrolled to a photo of her from high school. It was one of my favorites. She was sitting under a tree surrounded by fall leaves with a smile so big that the photo may have caught her just before she started laughing. Lisa had taken a whole bunch of posed photos for Ceci's senior portraits but this more candid one had been the best. Jesus. I loved the girl in that image.

What if...I wondered. What if Ceci and I were really together? What would it be like for my best friend to be more than that? What if she were my girlfriend?

"Fix You" started to play in my head, which wasn't that surprising considering I'd included it in my setlist this tour.

I went to my messages and pressed on Ceci's name. Our last exchange had been before our fight the other day and we hadn't had any contact since. I started typing, sending each line as a separate text.