Some Things Never Change [SHAWN MENDES]

December 3, 2021

After our romantic weekend in New York, photos surfaced of me and Ceci, including some where we were holding hands. My fans overreacted, as they'd been known to do, which wasn't a big deal. The trashy online news sites revisited the baby news, which definitely hurt, but it was easy enough to avoid reading those articles. My mum, however, had a lot to say and I couldn't just exit out of the conversation by closing a browser.

"You aren't answering my question," she said over the phone. "Are you and Ceci dating?"

I sighed and repeated my response from the last three times she'd asked. "I don't know. You think I'm saying that to keep the truth from you, but that is the truth. Things were left very up in the air after last weekend."

"Is this another one of those times where you're best friends but you're also fooling around?"

I was in bed at my hotel in Washington D.C. and was supposed to be taking a morning nap since I was performing tonight. That obviously wasn't happening, so I got up and made myself a cup of black coffee as I responded.

"Look...whatever I tell you stays between us. I know Lisa is your best friend, but I don't really want her and Eric to know about all this until Ceci chooses to tell them."

"Eric is mad already," my mother said. "He claims you promised him you'd just be friends with her."

I took my coffee over to the sofa and opened my curtains so that I could look out at the city.

"I never made a promise, but I'm not surprised he's pissed. He's hated me ever since we announced we were having a baby together."

"He doesn't hate you. It's more that he feels betrayed. You were the son he never had and finding out that you and his daughter had been having a secret sexual relationship hurt him. If I'm being honest, it hurt all of us. You've always been so open with your dad and I, and then it turns out you were hiding something big!"

"I'm sorry. There was no easy way to share what Ceci and I were doing," I told her.

"I think you mean what you are doing. Clearly it's still happening."

"No, it's different now. Or at least I'm hoping it will be. The point of the New York trip was to try having a real relationship."

"Shawn, you can't play around with Ceci's heart," she said gravely.

"I'm not. I love her."

She was quiet for a moment. "If you truly love her and she loves you the same way, then of course I hope it works out. I want you both to have happiness."

That was the question. Did Ceci love me like I loved her?

After my mom and I got off the phone, I took a coffee nap. It's crazy that coffee is good as a stimulant, but that right after drinking it, it is possible to have the best sleep ever. When I awoke, I had lunch in my room before taking a shower. Then I met my team in the lobby and we loaded into several SUVs that took us to the Capital One arena for the sound check and rehearsal. Gone were the days of Q&As and meet and greets, and I missed that interaction with my fans. Hopefully I'd be able to do them the next tour.

I had five more concerts and then I'd be home for a month. For all of December, I was singing the Dean Martin classic, "Let it Snow! Let it Snow! Let it Snow!" as the first song in my encore. The crowd loved it at my last show and sang along enthusiastically.

The D.C. audience was amazing, though I'd noticed that fewer masks were being worn on the floor. I hoped it was because more people were vaccinated and not because everyone was getting lazy again. I finished the holiday song, which was perfect since the capital city was supposed to get a blizzard tomorrow night. We were leaving in the morning, so it wouldn't impact us.