Some Things Never Change [SHAWN MENDES]

September 4, 2021

I looked out at the sea of faces in the Rogers Centre. The current covid-19 policy was that everyone on the floor had to wear masks, and for the most part, people had complied. In the stands, there was a buffer seat between each individual or group of seats purchased at the same time. Masks weren't required for these ticket holders though some still wore them.

"Toronto!" I screamed. "You've been incredible tonight!"

The crowd went wild.

"I'm gonna throw it back to my last tour for this next song. It's special to one of the most important people in my life and that's why I'm singing it tonight."

Everyone in the audience got hyped up by the idea that this was meaningful to me and that caused an electric feeling to fill the entire stadium. I'd made a decision the week before to play this song for Ceci even though it wasn't on the setlist for this tour, and when I'd told my band, they were happy to comply.

I sat down at the piano and started to play as I sang.

"When you try your best but you don't succeed...
When you get what you want but not what you need...
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep...
Stuck in reverse."

Before I even got to the next lyrics, I felt them. I knew they'd be hard to sing, but as they came out of my mouth, I felt my whole body shudder with pain and despair.

"When the tears come streaming down your face...
"Cause you lose something you can't replace..."

I abruptly stopped playing and singing. For a what felt like forever, I just stared at my fingers that were frozen on the piano keys.

Ceci and I had lost something that we couldn't replace, and in front of thousands of people, my grief was coming to the surface. I started to cry right there on stage as most of the audience went silent.

"Shawn? Are you okay?" I heard in my ear piece.

From where I was sitting, I couldn't see Ceci. She was with our parents and Aaliyah, as well as my closet friends, in a special section to the left of the stage.

I needed to see her, though.

Standing up, I ran towards the stairs on the side of the stage. I kept going until I reached her. My heart broke when I saw that she was crying. Aaliyah had her arms wrapped around her protectively, but she let go as I approached.

I pulled Ceci against me and held on to her as we both sobbed.

"I'm so sorry," I said into her ear. "It's your song and I wanted to play it."

"It hits differently now, but I still love it," she said through her tears. "You should finish the song."

I let go of her and was suddenly profoundly aware of the reaction to what had just happened. I'd stopped my show and my fans didn't seem to know what to make of this. Some were cheering, some were crying, and others were quiet.

I ran back on stage, took my seat at the piano, and leaned towards the microphone. "Sorry about that. What you just witnessed was a very human moment. Sometimes I get caught up in my feelings just like all of you do and I need to hold on to someone. One thing I've learned over the years is that you should always cling tightly to the people you love."

As my fingers played the melody on the piano, I continued singing "Fix You" which then segued into "In My Blood." When that song was done, I left the stage but returned for two encores, one from my first album and one from my latest.

The concert concluded and I ran off stage feeling both elated and emotionally drained. A buffet of food and drinks was set up in one of the larger rooms backstage to celebrate the kick-off of the North American tour, though it wouldn't resume for awhile since it had been scheduled around my now-unneeded paternity leave. Everyone on my team assumed the long gap between dates was due to problems with booking the venues.