Some Things Never Change [SHAWN MENDES]

November 12, 2022

I woke up from a night of fitful sleep and reached out for Ceci. She wasn't next to me, so I got up and went downstairs to look for her. All I found was an empty condo. There was, however, a note on the counter written in the unmistakeable all caps handwriting of an architect.

S-
I NEEDED TO GET AWAY.
HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND.
I'LL BE BACK TOMORROW.
-C

Today was supposed to be our wedding day, so yeah I understood. Still, I wish she hadn't just taken off while I was sleeping. It was too much of a reminder of how strained things were between us right now. I told myself a hundred times a day that it was better than being broken up, which had been a definite possibility at first.

"I've gotta go," I said to my mum before hanging up. "Ceci...How long have you been standing there?"

"Long enough to learn that you don't want to get married in three weeks," she said as she gulped back tears.

I jumped up and ran over to her but she stepped away from me. "I do want to marry you!" I insisted.

"That's not what you just said. You told whomever you were talking to that you proposed to me out of guilt!"

"I know it sounds like I was saying that was the only reason, but it wasn't! I also proposed because I love you and want to be with you for the rest of our lives. You know I feel that way!"

"I know you love me, but I now know that you're having second thoughts about the wedding," she said sadly.

I knew that what she'd overheard was damning, but I needed to try to explain how I felt.

"I was venting to my mum. Haven't you ever felt overwhelmed and then made something out to be worse than it is?"

"Even if that's true, you were exaggerating a feeling that does exist! You've never once told me that you felt rushed!"

I sighed. "I know. I was putting your happiness first and I didn't want to hurt you."

"We need...we need to call it off," she asserted.

"Can we talk about this, baby? I don't want us to make a snap decision."

She shook her head as she started to cry harder. "There's nothing to talk about. I can't marry you knowing that you've got reservations."

"We don't have to call it off completely. Can't we just postpone? What if we get married next year?" I suggested.

"Will you really feel differently then? It seems foolish to push the date back when there a very good chance your feelings won't change!"

"Then let's not pick a date right now," I said. "We're young so there's plenty of time. Let's just see how things go."

Ceci wrapped her arms around herself causing the neckline of her shirt to shift so that her scar became visible, reminding me of why I'd proposed in the first place. My stomach clenched and I felt slightly sick.

"You hurt me, Shawn. I guess it's for the best that I found out before it was too late, but that doesn't make it feel any better."

I stepped towards her again and this time she let me get close. "Ceci this has nothing to do with my love for you. It just happened too fast."

"It's a betrayal, though. One of many."

I couldn't blame her for keeping score. She was right that I'd fucked up more times than was acceptable. She had every reason to walk out the door.