Some Things Never Change [SHAWN MENDES]

September 24, 2021

On our baby's due date, I showed up at Ceci's door at nine in the morning with coffee, sprinkled donuts, and a bouquet of flowers. I knocked multiple times and got no response, which had me a little worried. She finally swung the door open, sporting rumpled pajamas and a mess of adorably tousled hair.

"I know I look scary," she said with a yawn. "I had to take a sedative last night, and I slept through my alarm."

"Sedative?" I questioned as I set everything on the counter.

"These flowers are gorgeous, thank you," she said while searching for a vase in her cupboard. "My doctor gave me a non-addictive sleep aid for when things are bad. I wanted to avoid the dream, so I took one."

"Did you have it?"

"No. I had a blissful dreamless night of sleep. I haven't had it since we released the statement. Isn't that weird?"

"Hey, if some good came out of all this, then I'm happy about it," I told her.

Things had been overwhelming since we'd told the world about the baby, which was done through a brief truthful statement. The tabloids had no content, other than what I'd said, so they focused on pulling up pics of me and Ceci from social media. Old photos were hardly breaking news or scandalous, but I hated any kind of attention like this, especially since she was sucked into it. Trevor Pullman hadn't been heard from since it's release and had hopefully crawled back into whatever hole he came from.

Obviously the statement opened up a ton of questions. My fans wanted to know if Ceci and I were a couple, which was something I refused to address. Our past and present were not the public's business, and I wasn't going to expose Ceci to further scrutiny. A lot of people reacted to what I'd shared with caring concern. Many left kind words in the comments or in DMs, and those who knew me personally sent comforting texts. I appreciated this, but it dredged up a lot of pain.

Within our inner circles of friends, family, and work associates, we'd mostly been given unconditional support. I'd made calls before the statement went out, and those I hadn't had a chance to tell over the phone, I texted. Many were shocked and saddened, but they understood why we'd kept it quiet. Ceci had similar experiences, though her circles were quite a bit smaller.

I couldn't deny that it felt good to no longer carry the weight of our secret, though I was still struggling with one friend's reaction.

"Hey, what's new?" Brian said when he answered the phone.

"Extortion," I said flatly.

"What does that mean?" he laughed.

"I'm being threatened by an asshole who has some information on me, but I'm not going to pay him off. I'm opting to come forward with the story myself, which is why I'm calling. I want you to hear this from me before seeing my statement."

"Jesus Christ...do I need to sit down for this? You didn't kill someone and hide the body, did you?" He was trying to use humor to diffuse the tension, as he often did.

"No, but you're not going to like what I have to say," I told him while my stomach turned with anxiety. "You asked me a while back if something was going on between me and Ceci and I told you no. That was a lie."

I could hear him breathing, but he didn't say anything. I decided to plow forward.

"We've had a sexual relationship for awhile, and I went to her place on New Year's Eve. She got pregnant."

"You're fucking kidding me, right? This is some sick joke or something, isn't it? Are Matt and Ian listening to this for laughs?"

"It's not a joke. Ceci was pregnant, but she lost the baby when she was in the car accident in May. That's why I rushed home and canceled my tour dates."