Some Things Never Change [SHAWN MENDES]

May 3, 2021

I crawled into my hotel bed, exhausted after a fantastic show at the Olympiastadion in Berlin. I'd sung my heart out to over seventy thousand screaming fans and was feeling incredible. The Oceania leg of the tour had been tough since I'd spent the whole time focused on Ceci's news about the baby. Since then, I'd adjusted to the fact that I was going to be a dad and was feeling upbeat about the future.

A knock at my door surprised me. Typically no one on my team bothered me after a performance because they knew I needed my rest or that I had company for the night. I hoped to god it wasn't a fan who had somehow figured out my room number.

I looked through the peephole and saw Andrew standing there with his phone to his ear.

"What's up, man?" I asked as I opened the door.

He stepped inside and spoke into the phone. "Here he is, Karen. I'll stay with him, don't worry."

"What's going on?" I asked as I stared at his outreached hand.

"Your mom called me because there's been an accident. She didn't want to call you and have you get the news alone," he said, his voice grave.

An accident? I felt the blood rush out of my body, and it took me a moment to realize he was still holding the phone out for me to take.

I grabbed it. "Mum?"

"Shawn, honey...I hate to have to tell you this," she said and I knew from the sobs that she was crying.

I felt my legs start to go weak with fear, so I slowly lowered myself down until I was sitting cross legged on the floor.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Ceci was driving home from work and someone swerved into her lane and hit her head on."

Oh god. I could feel the sandwich I'd eaten after the show churning in my stomach.

"Tell me she's okay," I pleaded.

"She's going to be fine. I'm here at the hospital with your dad, Lisa, and Eric and we've all seen her."

I breathed a sigh of relief. "Should I come home?"

"Yes, I think you should." She paused. "She...she lost the baby and needs you."

The phone slipped onto the floor. Andrew sat down across from me and picked it up before putting a comforting hand on my shoulder.

"I need a flight to Toronto," I whispered.

"I'm on it," he replied.

I took his phone from him again. "Tell Ceci I'll be there as soon as I can."

The next eighteen hours were a blur. Andrew got us on the earliest possible flight, but I still had to endure the rest of the night. He offered to stay with me, but I insisted that I needed to be alone. I didn't want to break down in front of him. After our travel plans were secured, he left and I fell apart. Never in my life had I felt such intense grief. It was like I'd lost a part of myself, which I guess I had. I cried into my pillow until I had no tears left, then I got up and washed my face. I sent my mother several texts telling her when I'd arrive and then I texted Ceci.

I'll be there soon

I'm so sorry

She never responded, but that didn't surprise me. What was there to say?

My mum called to give me a few more details. When we'd first spoken, Ceci still had the baby inside her, but soon after they'd induced labor. She'd had to deliver our baby. I couldn't imagine how horrible that must have been for her.