Some Things Never Change [SHAWN MENDES]

June 2, 2019

I woke up the same way I had for the last eleven days, with Ceci nestled against me. We'd agreed to take things slowly, but our need to spend as much time together as possible led us to allowing sleepovers, albeit sexless ones.

She had school, so each day she would go to the U of T campus, returning to my condo when her classes were done. When she had work to do, she'd sit at my dining room table while I did something quiet to keep from distracting her.

Every moment of her free time was spent with me as we tested out our new relationship. It was different, but in the best possible way.

Before this change, we had our friendship which had been solid since we were children. I always clicked with her in a way I never had with any other friends. I could let my guard down and be myself without fearing judgment or ridicule. Of course she sometimes called me out on my bullshit, but it was always deserved.

We also had our sexual relationship, which I'd managed to compartmentalize from our friendship. On a stormy afternoon while we watched the lightning flash over the Toronto skyline, Ceci explained that she'd had trouble separating the two things. She said she couldn't help but develop romantic feelings for me when we were sharing intimacy. Somehow I was able to have those feelings when we were together, but ignore them when we were apart. We had a long talk about how that was a pretty toxic way to deal with my emotions.

It was an adjustment to live with someone who was no longer just my friend. I'd been so used to only showing her physical attention when we were in a hooking-up phase of our relationship, so being able to hold her and kiss her at any point was a revelation. I took full advantage and frequently grabbed her and covered her in kisses or picked her up so that I could hold her tight. I wanted to touch her all the time.

It wasn't just physical affection that felt different. That first day, after we'd decided we were going to see if this could work, she'd stayed for dinner. We'd made Kraft dinner, and afterwards we were cleaning up. I looked over at her as she rinsed off the bowls before putting them in the dishwasher and realized I could see myself doing this with her for the rest of my life. That's how comfortable it felt.

Ceci stirred in my arms so I knew she was waking up. "Good morning," I said softly as I peppered the back of her shoulder with kisses.

"Mmmmmm. Every morning is good when I wake up like this," she replied with her sexy just-woken-up voice. "I get the best sleep here."

"You're welcome to stay in my condo while I'm gone. I kinda like the idea of you keeping my bed warm for me."

She rolled over so that we were facing each other. "It's you that helps me sleep, and I wish you hadn't reminded me that you are leaving today."

"This is just a quick trip to L.A. If you didn't have school I'd bring you with me."

"That wouldn't really fit with our plan to keep things on the down-low for a month. We'd be photographed together at the airport and all hell would break loose."

"Sometimes I hate being famous," I grumbled.

"Have you thought any more about how you'll tell Brian? I mean...if we decide we're doing this past our test drive."

"No. I think the only option is to be honest and to apologize if it hurts him. I'm still not sure if we need to come clean about our long-standing sexual relationship."

"Shawn, I think that if we take this step, we need to proceed with truthfulness, and I don't just mean with our friends and families. You and I need to always be honest and open with each other," she said. "As friends, we could tell each other anything. That's how it should be if we're a couple."