Some Things Never Change [SHAWN MENDES]

September 14, 2019

I sat in my car outside Ceci's college townhouse, trying to work up the nerve to go up to the door and knock. Her car was parked next to mine, so I was pretty sure she was home. A week ago, I'd been hurt that she hadn't attended my Toronto concert, and that pain was what motivated me to have a face to face conversation with her so that maybe we could try to work our problems out.

Losing my best friend had been devastating. All the other times she'd ended things, it hadn't impacted our friendship for long. Even when we'd gone for periods of not speaking to each other, I knew she still cared about me. How many times had she told me that I'd always be her best friend? That had changed. She'd spat that she hated me with a bitterness I'd never felt from anyone in my life. I deserved it, of course, and that made it even harder to swallow.

What hurt even more was that I knew in my heart there'd been potential to have something really special with her. In those eleven days, I'd imagined a whole future with Ceci, and I'd let that slip through my fingers like grains of sand. Why? Because I'd been deceptive and had let my infatuation with Fiona Slattery make me question my true feelings.

Within minutes of Ceci walking out the door, I'd started texting her apologies, begging her to let me back into her life, even if only as a friend. Every message was left on read. I tried over and over to explain my side of things, though there was no excuse for what had happened. Maybe I wasn't to blame for being so high that I fucked Fiona, but it was my fault she was on the set at all. I should have demanded a different actress instead of trying to work with her. I was filled with regret and wished there was a way to do things over again. There are no redos in life, though.

My phone vibrated several times in a row inside the cup holder I kept it when I was in the car. I picked it up and read the messages.

I see you

You need to leave

I quickly texted back.

Im here because I need to talk to you

Please

I waited for her to respond, drumming my fingers anxiously on the dashboard. To my surprise, her door opened and she walked down to where I was parked. I opened the car door and jumped out.

"Can we talk?" I asked as I jammed my hands in my pockets.

She shook her head. "I just blocked you, so stop texting me. I'm only out here because I need you to hear what I'm saying. You are no longer a part of my life. I'm asking you to leave me alone. If you care about me at all, you'll respect that."

"Ceci...please," I begged.

"I saw the fucking video, Shawn. I saw how you looked at her. Maybe you were high, but I think your true feelings came out. You've been in love with her forever. You only tried to form a relationship with me to get over her, which was sick and cruel considering our friendship. You led me to believe that you loved me!"

"I meant every word I said to you," I told her.

"If that's true, then the fact that you loved me and still hurt me is even worse!"

She then turned and ran back up to her townhouse.

A few hours later I was on a flight to Los Angeles, and that evening I was at an industry party sipping a whiskey. I saw Fiona from across the room, which was not that surprising considering how often I'd run into her over the summer.

"Hello, handsome," Fiona said when she found me backstage after my first of two performances at the Staples Center in early July.

She was the last person I wanted to see since my twisted entanglement with her was what had caused Ceci to cut me out of her life.