Some Things Never Change [SHAWN MENDES]

June 15, 2020

After a month in Toronto together, I spent the beginning of 2020 in Los Angeles with Fiona as our relationship grew increasingly more serious. She wanted me to move there permanently, which was tempting. I loved Southern California, but more importantly, I loved that we were taking things to that level. It felt good to be so solid with Fi, and even though I'd never really wanted to get married, I started telling my friends and family that she might be the one to change my mind. For Christmas, I'd given her a band of amethyst gems as a promise ring that she wore on her left hand.

Unfortunately, things became problematic for us when covid-19 struck North America. I'd been home in Toronto enjoying time with my family, and Fiona was supposed to join me when she was done with the movie she was filming in Arizona. Mid-March, all hell broke loose. Canada closed their border, which meant Fiona could no longer come see me. At the end of the month, things looked even bleaker in terms of the outbreak.

"You need to catch a flight to L.A. while you still can," she insisted.

"I'm nervous about flying right now. They are saying confined spaces are high risk."

"Then get in your Tesla and drive here! God knows how long this thing is going to last and we should be together!"

"Fi, I'm not driving across the United States during a pandemic. That's as bad as flying! Hotels, restaurants, and rest stops would be dangerous, if they are even open."

"So what are we going to do? Just live in different countries? I'm supposed to lock myself up alone in this house? I'll go mad as a box o' frogs!"

"What's that even mean?" I asked. Fiona tended to use more Irish slang when was drunk or angry.

She let out an exasperated sigh. "It means I'll go crazy, Shawn. These are dark times and people need to be together. If your bloody country won't let me in, then you need to come to me!"

"Let me think about it," I told her. "I don't like the idea of us being apart, either."

That evening I had dinner with my family. I explained my dilemma to them and asked for their advice.

"I understand why you would want to be together," my mum said. "What worries me is that if the numbers keep rising, you might not be able to get home. Canada could place restrictions on citizens returning from countries that are significantly worse off."

"I think it's more likely that airlines could shut down. What if, god forbid, something happens to one of us and you can't get here? Or what if something happens to you and we can't get to California? These are things you need to consider," my dad said.

"You're saying that if I go there, I could be stuck," I concluded.

"Possibly. We don't know enough about this virus to do anything other than speculate," he explained.

When I called Fiona the next morning, she was in a horrible mood.

"I couldn't find toilet paper or disinfectant wipes on any online stores! Shawn! This is madness!" she screeched.

"My mum got a whole case of toilet paper. I can send you some."

"Why wouldn't you just bring them with you? Aren't you coming?"

"I am...just not right now. I think it's safer for me to wait awhile," I said as I braced myself for her response.

"You don't love me."

"That's not true and you know it."

"If you loved me, you'd be here! It wouldn't even be a question! You'd live with me and make sure that I had the things I needed. I'm not good on my own!" she said dramatically.