A love and hate kinda story between Sammie and Jimin . A roller coaster ride kind of love story that makes the 8 member group hold on to each other whatever happens!
it's my first ever story that i would be making so please bear with me. Everything...
I look at him and he looks so down and sad. His eyes holds so much emotion. I wanted to run to him and hug him an give him comfort. " Gwenchana??" I ask him softly he just looked at me and give me a half smile.
He slowly walk towards the edge of the wooden deck and sit a few inches a way from me. We are both facing the view of the city lights. I heard him let out a deep breathe. " Mianhe Sammie~ah!!" he whispered and with just those words made my heart feel heavy. My tears are again about to fall from my eyes but I look up to stop them from falling.
" I don't know why you are saying sorry I am not mad. Things happen for a reason. We will work together as a team we will always support you no matter what. I am proud of you because you are owning the responsibility for your actions. You are a good man!" I told him honestly but my voice is shaking a bit because I am trying my best to control my emotions. I don't want him to see me cry.
"Thank you for understanding. Thank you for not hating me. Even though the only thing I gave you is pain and hurt you never got tired of supporting me!" He said his voice is shaking as well so bad I know he is also trying to contain his emotions. I can see his hands shaking on his lap so I hold his hands to steady it. He look at me and my heart broke when I can see the pain his eyes.
"I would never ever hate you. I may get mad at times but that is just temporary. We have gone through a lot all these years these is just an obstacle that we need to walk through all together. I would never hate you so please don't think that way!"I told him I can see his tears falling one by one and it hurts to see him like this.
He then stand up and walk in front me. He kneel in front me of me and put his forehead on my lap while holding my hands. Then he cried and cried he sounded like a wounded animal the cry of pain and regret. I can't stand seeing him like this my own tears are now falling like waterfalls from my eyes.
"I am sorry for hurting you! I am sorry for not noticing your feelings early. I am sorry If I could not be the man that you deserve most specially now. I am so so sorry Sammie. I really am sorry I can't say or show how much sorry I am!" I was shock with what Jimin said. So he knew, all along he knew I have feelings for him.
I don't know why I felt little finding out that he knew. "You knew??" I ask him my voice quivering. He just nodded. I bite my lips so I can control my sobs. It hurts to know that he knows that I have feelings for him but he didn't know anything or say anything. It just clear that he doesn't like me the way I do.
I took a deep breath and let it out. I am so overwhelmed by emotions my chest felt really really heavy.
S: " Yes I have love you for years now! I thought at first it was just a mere crush but it grew overtime. I have tried a dozen times to erase and forget my feelings for you but it kept on coming back. I tried so many times believe me I tried my best but it just really really hard!"
J: "I am so sorry......"
S: "Let me finish first.... When you started dating Tzuyu unnie I got hurt but I thought that could be a good reason for me to move on. But no my heart is as stubborn as a bull it still kept loving you. That time in Hawaii when you hugged me that made me really really happy I thought finally you might have feelings for me, but you said that you were just missing your girlfriend and I was a convenient replacement at that moment. Once again I got hurt that day when you were looking for me that night I was at the beach crying and then I thought about forgetting my feelings for you once again but no it didn't happen...."
J: " You don't und-........"
S: "Shhhhhhh let me finish first. Let me just let this all out this is the only time that I am gonna say this. The time that you came back from Hawaii and you weren't talking to me and it turned out it's just because of our bracelet. I thought how can you be so mad like that if I was just a simple friend so I continued loving you again and loving you more. And then a few days ago you kissed my at the hotel and said I'm sorry. I didn't dare ask you again what that is for because I am so scared to get hurt again. Because you might say that you kissed me because you were missing your girlfriend! I decided to let it go act normal because I am so tired of getting hurt. Now I found out that you will be a dad. You will be a father soon. That hurt me more than anything else. Because I couldn't compete with your own child. I would never do that. Yes I am in so much pain right now. But I don't hate you. Believe me I don't!"
J: " I am so sorry!"
Ups! Tento obrázek porušuje naše pokyny k obsahu. Před publikováním ho, prosím, buď odstraň, nebo nahraď jiným.
S: " No don't say that. None of this is your fault. Stop crying already, it breaks my heart to see you like this! I am in pain because I have feelings for you! You never ask me to like you. You never force me to like you so how is it your fault?!"
J: " I should have been more sensitive. I didn't mean to hurt you. If I were to decide I would never never hurt you!"
S: "I know Oppa. I know that your would never intentionally hurt me. But I wan't to ask a favor if it's possible!"
J: "Anything! I'll do anything just tell me!"
S: "Can you forget that I had feelings for you? I don't want you to feel guilty. I want you to be happy. You will be a dad soon and you will have your own family. Treasure them and love them always. And tell your kid how awesome an Aunt I could be!"
J: "I don't deserve you! You deserve so much more. You deserve someone who can love you and see how amazing you are as a person. I will forever love you. Thank you for loving me as much as you do!"
We both hug and cried. I felt really really good letting all my emotions out. Having him know my feelings lessened the heaviness I feel in my heart. I hope that he also feel better now. I know that he felt burdened knowing my feelings because he knows he is hurting me. So this talk is really something that we both needed to free ourselves and start to heal.
Ups! Tento obrázek porušuje naše pokyny k obsahu. Před publikováním ho, prosím, buď odstraň, nebo nahraď jiným.
We both wipe our tears and sit back at the wooden deck. I let out a deep breath. "Wooahhh that was heavy!!" I said and we both laugh.
"So what's your plan? Any wedding plans?" I ask him casually. "We haven't talk about that yet I need to talk to her and her parents first." He answered and he just nodded.
"I can't believe I am gonna be a dad this early. It still is not sinking in!" He said we are now both looking at the city lights below us.
"I am pretty sure your kid will be lucky because you would be a great a dad!" i told him and we both smile at each other.
And that night we enjoyed the city view with a light heart. Maybe now that I was able to get the chance to say everything I can easily move on. I am hoping I could.
