A Hope to Lose (Friend Series #2)

Chapter 37

It's really true when they say that a man's journey starts from the womb and ends to its tomb.

Looking at his tomb made me think of him and realize one thing. Nothing is sure in this world. It was just the person you're with that makes you feel that there is but the truth, nothing is. Walang sigurado.

I was planning ahead for our future. I was meticulously planning our future together so we wouldn't take the wrong path. The accident we had hit me hard. Even how coherent my plan is, there are chances that it may not go well. While I was busy building our future and hoping against hope that we could live our life according to my plan, I abandoned our present.

I was looking ahead finding errors but I never did look down below my feet. Mas marami pa palang pako sa paanan ko kaysa sa harapan ko. I realized how important now is more than anything else.

Hindi kasama sa plano ang maaksidente kami pero nangyari. Wala sa plano at hindi man lang sumagi sa isip ko ang posibilidad na maaaring isa sa amin ang mamatay sa kasalukuyan. Pero pupuwede pala.

I feel a soft caress on my back.

"Let's go, Hope." I bit my lower lip and nodded but I couldn't move my feet.

Hindi ko man lang siya nasamahan nang matagal sa huling mga araw niya rito.  I was deeply sleeping in my hospital bed. Ngayon lang ako nagising sa araw ng kanyang libing.

I covered my mouth trying to stifle my sobs.

"Hey it's gonna be alright." Mama consoled me.

Hindi ako magiging okay hangga't hindi ko siya nakikita. Tumingin ako sa madilim na kalangitan at ngumiti nang pilit.

Kailan ko kaya siya makikita ulit?

Harvey and I met this accident. He pushed me out of his car then I was hit into something. That might be the reason why I was unconscious for days. The accident was a blur to me. Ang hindi ko lang makakalimutan ay kung paano nakita ng dalawang mata ko ang pagsalpok ng sasakyan niya sa truck.

"Saan ka pupunta?" Papa asked when he saw me leaving our house.

This is my home for years but it feels like it isn't my home anymore. Ilang linggo na akong nakatira rito at gusto ko nang umuwi sa penthouse namin.

I turned my head and smiled bitterly at Papa.

"Uuwi na ako Pa." paalam ko.

"Nandito ka na sa bahay." he sarcastically said.

"Sa penthouse Pa." I corrected him.

"Sino ang uuwian mo roon?"

"Nick!"

"Pa!"

Mama and Kuya called Papa in unison. Tiningnan ko si Kuya na pababa ng hagdan at narinig ang namumuong pagtatalo namin ni Papa.

My brother looked at me with pity. I saw how his jaw clench when he looked at my sling and crutch. I was still not used to this thing. I couldn't wait to walk straight and move my left hand freely.

"Ihahatid na kita." Kai insisted. I smiled and mouthed thank you to my brother.

"Nikolai!" bulyaw ni Papa kay Kuya. B

umuntong-hininga si Kuya at pagod na tiningnan si Papa.

"Pa, hayaan niyo na muna si Sofia. Kapag hindi natin siya pinayagan, mas lalo lang 'yang mapapahamak sa kagagawa ng paraan para makatakas dito."

My brother was right there. Kung hindi nila ako papayagang umuwi ngayon, I would consider sneaking out later while they're asleep.

Habang nasa loob kami ng sasakyan ni Kai ay walang nagsalita sa aming dalawa. Madaldal si Kuya pero ngayon ay mukhang nawala na. O baka alam niya na kahit anong pag kausap niya sa'kin ay hindi ko siya masasagot nang maayos sa estado ko ngayon. Kung gaano ako ka-miserable tingnan ay ganoon din siya.

"I'm fine Kuya." sabi ko nang maihatid niya ako sa tapat ng pinto ng penthouse at tanungin ulit ako kung kaya ko bang mag-isa rito.

"Don't think of committing suicide." biro nito na ikinasimangot ko.

I may look suicidal right now but I won't do that. I don't have the courage to do that. Besides I still have a reason to live after all the bad things that had happened to us. I still have him.

Kai reminded me to call them if I need anything. Hindi ko alam kung ang balak ba niya talaga ay ihatid ako o kasama na rin ang samahan ako rito dahil mukhang masama pa ang loob nang ipagtabuyan ko siya.

The moment I shut my door, I spaced out. I was always spacing out after the accident. I don't know if it's because of the accident or what. Naalog siguro ang utak ko at malapit na akong mabaliw. O kailangan ko lang talaga siyang makausap para bumalik na ako sa normal.

Hindi ko alam kung ilang oras na akong nakaupo sa couch kaya napatalon ako nang makarinig ng ingay sa aking cellphone makalipas ang mahabang sandali na puro katahimikan. Kaagad kong sinagot ang tawag nang makitang si Rain ito.

"Hope!"

Bigla akong ginapangan ng kaba sa sigaw ni Rain.

"Nasaan ka?"

"I-in our penthouse. Why?"

"Nagkamalay na ang gago!"

Napadaing ako habang nahihirapang abutin ang cellphone na naihulog ko sa sahig. Sa huli ay napasigaw ako sa sakit ng mawalan ako ng balanse.

"Hello? Hope? Ang sabi ko gising na ang fiancé mo."

"Papunta na ako." I grunted and ended her call.

Kahit nahihirapan sa kalagayan ko ay sinikap kong makababa ng tower at makapara ng taxi. Paika-ika akong naglakad sa corridor ng ospital hanggang makarating sa tapat ng pinto ng silid ni Harvey.

Soon as I opened Harvey's room I saw his friends. They're all here. Maging si Ace at Aesthrielle ay nandito. Kaagad akong inalalayan ni Raven at Alric papunta sa kama ni Harvey. Bumuntong-hininga ako nang makitang tulog pa rin siya.

"You're all alone?" Kuya Ace asked. Nilingon ko siya na nakaupo sa sofa katabi ang asawa. Aesthrielle is sleeping deeply in his arms.

"Nasa penthouse ako." I explained.

"And Kai let you?" mariin niyang tanong at mabilis na minanipula ang cellphone.

"I thought he's awake already?" tanong ko at napunta ang tingin kay Rain na dikit na dikit kay Kuya Ace. Kinamot niya ang ulo at alanganin akong nginitian.

"Na-excite yata ako. Akala ko nagkamalay na." she said then forced a laugh. "Pero nakita ko siyang kumurap!" kaagad niyang bawi.

Kuya Ace snorted. "You're probably hallucinating Raniyah."

"Totoo mahal! Nakita kong nag-blink ang isang mata niya!"

I sighed when they started arguing again.

"Hindi ka naniniwala sa'kin?" Rain asked sharply.

Kuya Ace sighed and nodded. "Alright. I believed you."

I semi-smiled and turned to Harvey. I held his right hand and rested it on my cheek. I closed my eyes to feel him more.

"Babe, I miss you so much." I whispered.

"B-babe."

I opened my eyes when I heard that voice again after a long while! My eyes widen when I saw him blink his eyes.

"Oh god." I leaned over and hugged him. I planted kisses on his forehead while whispering I love yous to him.

Ang mga kaibigan niya ay lumapit na rin sa kama at kaagad na pinalibutan siya.

"Shit!" Rain cursed and went beside me. "Ikaw lang pala ang hinihintay, Hope.".

"Mabuti naman at gising ka na. Ako dapat ang papatay sa'yo gago ka." Alric said that made us all laugh.

I was so happy to see him regain his consciousness after the accident! It feels years!

"Sof." he called me but he's looking at Raven.

"I'm right here." I said.

"Bakit nakapatay ang ilaw?"

Kumunot ang noo ko sa sinabi niya. Nagkatinginan kaming lahat. We're all sharing the same look. Confused.

Tumawa si Step. "Gasgas na 'yang pakulo mo, Jo. 'Wag kami."

"Pasalamat ka't nakaratay ka r'yan kundi kanina pa kita binatukan na gago ka." Rain smirked.

"Wew. Kinabahan ako roon ah? Akala ko bulag ka na." Alric added.

We all laughed but Harvey remained serious.

"Buksan niyo kaya ang ilaw? Wala akong makita." seryoso nitong sabi na ikinatigil namin sa pagtawa.

"Sof, hindi kita makita."

I swallowed hard and looked at his friends.

"Jo." Eve called.

"The light was on." Step whispered. A tear fell from her eyes. She covered her mouth as she stepped back. She quickly left the room.

Harvey laughed and shook his head. "Kayo yata ang nanggagago rito. Patay ang ilaw, Step."

"Buksan mo, Raven." utos nito kay Raven pero nakatingin siya kay Alric.

"Oh my god." Umiling-iling si Eve at mabilis na lumabas ng silid nang may mapagtanto.

Rain neared Ace and cried.

"I'll call a doctor." paalam ni France at mabilis na lumabas.

"Sof."

Harvey held my hand tighter. I hummed trying to conceal my sobs.

"Umiiyak ka?" he asked and cupped my cheeks. He wiped my tears smiling.

This man who has the most beautiful eyes every time he looks at me doesn't deserve this. Kung tama ang hinala ko ay sana panaginip na lang ang lahat ng ito.

"Ano bang nangyayari? Bakit kayo umiiyak?" he asked laughing.

"'Tsaka bakit ba ayaw niyong makita ko kayo? Alric, alam kong gago ka pero buksan mo ang ilaw. Hindi ko makita ang fiancé ko."

"Jo, I want you to listen." malumanay at dahan-dahan kong sabi. Kinakabahan at natatakot sa magiging reaksyon niya.

"Bukas ang ilaw Jo." Alric said.

Harvey scoffed and shook his head. "Wala akong makita˗"

"Head injury." Raven suddenly said. Harvey creased his forehead and we all looked at Raven.

"It's possible that you're suffering from head injury that's why you're having a problem with your vision." he explained.

"Ano?" he laughed like what Raven's saying was absurd. Moments later he began to push me.

"Jo˗" I tried to hold him when he started to freak out. Hahawakan ko na sana siya ulit nang itulak niya ako. Kaagad akong tinulungan ni Alric makatayo habang si Kuya Ace at Raven ang pumipigil sa kanyang magwala.

Hindi nagtagal ay dumating ang doctor at mga nars kasama si France. I was crying while the doctor was sedating him.

"Anong nangyayari France? Bakit wala siyang makita?" tanong ko sa kaibigan nang makalabas kami at hinayaan ang mga eksperto na sumuri kay Harvey.

"There's a possibility that he's suffering either a trauma to the brain or eye, Hope. These trauma lead to a vision impairment˗"

"No." I shook my head.

"His skull must have hit hard into an object like the steering wheel, windshield or the airbag during the collision."

"Will it be permanent?" I looked up to France, my eyes are hopeful.

France weakly smiled at me. "The doctor has to run tests to know that. I cannot guarantee you that it will only be a temporary loss of vision but hoping it will be."

Umupo ako sa nakahilerang seat sa gilid ng corridor at umiyak. Kaagad akong niyakap ni Rain nang mahigpit na katulad ko ay umiiyak na rin.

"Ang gagong 'yon. Paborito yata ang paiyakin tayo."

Bakit pakiramdam ko ay wala nang hangganan ang lahat ng ito? Wala pang isang minuto akong masaya dahil gising na siya, ngayon ay heto na naman.

"Traumatic Brain Injury?" si Step sa doctor. Habang ipinapaliwanag niya sa amin ang kalagayan ni Harvey ay wala ako sa sarili.


"Yes. Most people who get into a car accident experience a vision disorder. Posible rin na eye trauma ang cause kung bakit hindi makakita ang pasyente."

"Makakakita pa ba siya Doc?"

"It depends on the type of injury. If it's a serious injury like retinal detachment or optic nerve damage, it could lead to a permanent blindness."

I heard gasps and curses from his friends. I remained silent.

"If the patient is having difficulties in changing their focus from near to distant objects, experiencing a double vision, feeling nauseous when they avert their gaze and being sensitive to the light."

I was blankly staring at the doctor as he speaks.

"These sight issues can due to a less severe injury. This injury often heals. It restores vision in a period of time. But in his case, wala siyang makita na kahit ano sa ngayon. So, let's expect for the worse."

Harvey has undergone test after test. I was with him all the time. The results showed that it was really a traumatic brain injury. We were recommended to have his surgery and therapy abroad. Sumang-ayon na lang ako sa lahat ng sinabi ng doktor. Basta makakita lang siya ulit, I'll take whatever it is.

"Natatakot ako." I croaked as I stared at him. Mahimbing na siyang natutulog ngayon pagkatapos ng mga test na isinagawa sa kanya. Mabuti na lang at hindi na siya nagwala katulad kanina.

"Hindi ko alam kung paano sasabihin sa kanya." wika ko at nilingon ang mga kaibigan niya.

"Kami na ang bahalang mag-sabi sa kanya Hope." presenta ni Alric.

Eve nodded. "Alric's right and I think you need to rest, Sof. Hindi alam ni Jo na ganyan ang kalagayan mo." she said referring to my crutch and sling.

I shook my head and sniffed. "Walang-wala 'to sa pinagdadaanan niya ngayon."

How frustrating it is to see nothing but darkness. He was used to seeing colors pero ngayon ay purong kadiliman ang nakikita niya.

"Don't beat yourself with his situation. It was his fault after all." Raven said. His other friends called him but he only shrugged his shoulders.

Inihatid ako ni Raven at Eve sa penthouse at sinamahan para makapagpahinga pero hindi rin ako nakapagpahinga. Kinaumagahan ay maaga akong nagising para bumalik sa ospital nang tumawag si Rain.

"Hope, sorry. I know you should be resting right now pero si Jo kasi..." she cried.

"Nagwawala na naman, hinahanap ka."

"Papunta na ako."

Nasa labas pa lang ako ng room niya ay naririnig ko na ang sigaw niya. Kahit nahihirapan ay binuksan ko ang room niya at paika-ikang naglakad palapit sa kanyang hospital bed. Bumungad sa akin ang umiiyak na si Rain at Step. Alric and France are trying to calm him down.

"Babe." I hushed. Umupo ako sa gilid ng kama at niyakap siya. "It's okay. I'm right here."

He nuzzled his face into my neck.

"Hope's here." I whispered.

Tiningnan ko ang mga kaibigan niya na ngayon ay malungkot na nakatingin sa amin. I know we're such a pathetic sight and I despised it. I despised how they look at us like we're so hopeless. I just couldn't stand seeing their eyes with pity. But what can I do? Maybe we really deserved to be pitied.

Hindi nagtagal ay umalis na rin sila. Some of them have works and some of them have classes to attend. I understand them. They have lives to live other than this. Their lives don't revolve around Harvey. Unlike me, my life revolves around him.

I was peeling a green apple for him when Harvey called me. My heart hurt when he couldn't look straight at me right now. Hindi iyon dahil may ginawa siyang kasalanan sa'kin kaya iniiwasan niya ang tingin ko. Hindi rin dahil takot siya na baka masinghalan ko. Iyon ay dahil hindi na niya ako makita at mahanap.

Sana ay may ginawa na lang siyang kasalanan kaya hindi na niya ako matingnan ng diretso ngayon. Sana ay natatakot lang siya na tingnan ako ng diretso sa mata dahil may ginawa na naman siya na ikagagalit ko. Sana ay ganoon na lang, hindi 'yong ganito.

He's the man who makes me feel the most beautiful woman because of his expressive stares on me. The only man I allowed to look at me through my soul. Pero ngayon ay hindi na niya magawa.

The only thing his eyes could do right now is to give me a blank and expressionless stare. At ang sakit-sakit tingnan na ang taong akala ko ay hindi maubusan na bigyan ako ng nakakalokong tingin, ngayon ay wala na.

"Hmm?"

"Makikita pa naman kita ulit 'di ba?" tanong niya. I could feel his fear and worry when he asked me that.

I wiped my tears and forced a laugh.

"Of course, silly." I said and neared him.

"Hindi ka na naman nakikinig sa sinabi ng doktor. We'll go abroad to get us treated. After our surgery, we'll take our therapy together..." I trailed off. "At kapag nakakita na tayong dalawa..." I intertwined our fingers together.

I looked into his eyes and smiled.

"Sisiguraduhin ko na ikaw ang una kong makikita at ako ang una mong makikita." I uttered and kissed his eyes, my favorite pair of eyes.

"Natatakot ako." He gasped and a tear fell from his eye.

Kinagat ko ang ibabang labi upang pigilan ang kumakawalang hikbi.

Mas natatakot ako.

Gusto ko ring sabihin sa kanya na natatakot din ako. Sa aming dalawa, nasanay ako na siya ang malakas. Nasasaktan ako ng sobra-sobra ang makita siyang ganito kahina.

"This is nothing compared to the adventures we did together." I laughed but tears are kept on flowing from my eyes.

"We almost met heaven..." Ang tinutukoy ay ang aksidente. "And hopefully we are still here living together."

"This is going to be a bumpy ride Jo. You've been my driver for years but for now, I'll be your driver." sabi ko at suminghap nang makitang nakatingin lang siya sa harap at tahimik na umiiyak. I tilted his head and directed it to me. I gently caressed his jaw.

"Kahit naka-seatbelt na tayong dalawa, huwag na huwag mong bibitawan ang kamay ko." I said and kissed his hand again.

He closed his eyes and I smiled.

"I'll be your eyes." I uttered and kissed his right eye.

"Your guide." I kissed his left eye.

"I'll be your hope." I said and kissed his lips.
"Huwag mo nang ulit gagawin ang ginawa mo." sabi ko at hinawakan nang mahigpit ang kamay niya. 

He had a choice to save himself but he chose to save my life over his. Habang inaalala ko ang natitirang segundo upang iligtas niya ako, kung paano niya kinalas ang seatbelt ko at walang pag-aatubiling itinulak ako, mas lalo ko lang minahal ang lalaking ito. Hindi ako nagkamali na nandito ako ngayon sa tabi niya.

"Hindi ko 'yon pinagsisihan." aniya na mabilis kong hindi sinang-ayunan.

"What you did is the most selfless act I've known. You're cool and sexy doing that. You know, my sexy hero." I smiled that made him smile.

He shook his head with a smile. "Doon ko rin lang nalaman na mas mahalaga na pala sa'kin ang buhay mo kaysa sa'kin. Doon ko rin lang napagtanto na gano'n na pala kita kamahal."

Napangiti ako at niyakap siya. "Don't worry. If that happens again. I'll save you this time around." I promised that made him hiss. I smiled and hugged him tight. He did the same.

Sa mga nakalipas na araw ay tanging ako at ang mga kaibigan lang ni Harvey ang nasa tabi niya. I wonder if his family could sleep safe and sound at night knowing Harvey's condition?

Hindi ko man lang sila nakitang bumisita sa kanya. Kahit na ospital ito ng Kuya niya, hindi man lang ito nag-aksayang bisitahin ang kapatid. Ganoon na ba sila kaabala?

"How is he?" Kuya Hunt asked when I entered his office. Nagtagal pa ang tingin nito sa crutch at sling ko.

"Why don't you go and check him yourself?"

"I'm busy." he coldly said and continued signing papers.

"Hindi mo siya pupuntahan?" I tried again.

"Hindi niya ikagagaling kung pupunta ako sa kanya ngayon. Importante pa ba kung nasa tabi niya ako ngayon? May mababago ba?"

"Pero kapatid mo siya Kuya Hunt˗"

"At ginagawa ko kung ano ang dapat na ginagawa ng isang kapatid."

"You're not˗"

"Hayden is liquidating all the debts and damages he had caused because of his shortcomings and I'll shoulder all the expenses he needs from here until he undergoes surgery and therapy abroad."

"But he needs you." I uttered. "He needs his brothers and father."

"He needs medication and money Hope. That is what he really needs right now."

Bagsak ang mga balikat kong lumabas sa opisina ng Kuya niya. Kung ganito kawalang puso ang kapatid niya ay mas lalong wala ang ama niya ngunit sinubukan ko pa ring pumunta sa kumpanya nila. Kaso sa labas pa lang ng gusali ay itinulak na ako ng guwardiya nang malamang Almendarez ako.

"This is the most stupid and senseless decision you're going to make Sofia Brayleigh." sabi ni Papa pagkatapos kung sabihin na aalis na ako mamayang gabi para samahan si Harvey sa surgery niya sa ibang bansa.

Nandito kami ngayon sa loob ng opisina niya sa kumpanya. I don't have much time to be with them in a dinner to say this kaya kahit abala sila sa trabaho ay tinuloy ko na.

"Sa inyo ng Kuya mo, ikaw ang mas matalino. Hindi ko sukat akalain na ikaw pa, higit sa inyong dalawa ang gagawa ng pinakaestupidong desisyon sa buhay." umiiling na sabi ni Papa habang tinitingnan ako.

This is the first time I disappointed him with my decision and I'm not used to it. Sanay ako na palagi niya akong ipinagmamalaki at nakikita ko sa mga mata niya ang tuwa at galak sa lahat ng nagiging desisyon ko sa buhay. Pero ngayon ay wala akong makita kung hindi pagkabigo at panghihinayang.

Mapanglaw akong napangiti. Kung nandito lang si Kuya, malamang ay matutuwa 'yon dahil sa unang pagkakataon ay nalamangan niya ako sa mga magulang namin.

"Tama ang Papa mo hija. Don't you think it's too much of a gamble?" nag-aalalang sabi ni Mama.

Umiling-iling ako. "Nothing is too much Ma. He saved me˗"

"Na dapat lang! Pasalamat ang lalaking iyon at may natitira pa akong awa sa iyo kung hindi ay ipapakulong ko rin siya kasama ang ama niya!"

"Ma, Pa, I'm here to inform you that I'm leaving. I'm not here to seek for your permission. With or without your consent, I'll go with him."

"But you're risking too much for that man." Mama desperately said.

"Ma, between the two of us, he's the one who risked too much for me. He risked his own life to save me."

"But look at yourself! Hindi mo na nga maalagaan ang sarili mo. How can you help him when you can't even help yourself huh? Kailangan mo rin ng tulong, Sofia! Pakiusap! Umuwi ka na sa amin." tumatangis na sabi ni Mama.

"He needs me Ma."

"But we need our daughter too." Mama croaked.

I weakly smiled at my parents.

"I'm sorry Ma but the way I see it now, no one needs me more than he needs me. Sana ay maintindihan ninyo 'yon."

"Diyos ko Nikolas. Ang anak mo..." nanghihinang umupo si Mama sa silya.

Tumingin sa akin si Papa saglit bago iniwas ang tingin sa'kin 'tsaka nagsalita.

"Sa oras na talikuran mo ulit kami para sa lalaking 'yon, kalimutan mo nang may pamilya ka."

Napamaang ang labi ko sa sinabi ni Papa.

"Kalimutan mo na may trabaho ka. Kalimutan mo na ang lahat ng bagay na binigay namin sa'yo. Kasama na roon ang apelyido ko."

"Nick." Mama looked at him in awe. Maging ako ay hindi na rin makapaniwala sa sinasabi ni Papa.

"Tanging ang buhay mo na lang ang hindi ko kayang bawiin. Hindi ko maatim na makitang binubuhay mo ang isang de Silva na siyang pumatay sa Lolo mo, Sofia."​

"Pa," Humagulgol ako. If my legs were in its shape, I would have been kneeling down right now.

"Don't make me choose sides." I begged.

This is just so childish. Hindi ko inakala na magagamit ito ni Papa laban sa akin. He knows how much I value our family.

"If it's the only way to keep you," desperadong sabi ni Papa.

"I'm sorry then." I sniffed. I already made up my mind. Tiningnan ko si Papa at malungkot na ngumiti sa kanya habang siya ay gulat akong pinagmasdan.

"I... I will still leave." nahihirapan kong sabi. Kita ko kung paano gumuhit sa mukha niya ang sakit at pagkabigo na sa kabila ng lahat-lahat ng ginawa niya ay siya pa rin sa huli.

"But that doesn't mean I abandon you. You're still my family, you're still my father, my only Papa."

"It was you who disowned me." pinal kong sabi at nahihirapang tinalikuran ang mga magulang.

If staying with him is a gamble, I would be willing to use all my cards to win him. I don't care how much I lose. If losing means being with him, I would gladly lose everything just to be with him.