Cejanr (A Rexsoka SWTCW Fanfic)

36

Rex sat with Cody in the commander's small private rooms. After a long and intense internal argument, he reached a decision. If anybody deserved to know about Kenobi, it was Cody.

"Rex, you're not making much sense. Slow down." Cody said, putting a hand on his little brother's arm. Rex took a deep breath, then wiped his hands on his blacks.

"Ok. Long story short, Anakin and Kenobi have a connection through the force. Keeping the connection closed hurts over time, like a clenched fist cramping or so Anakin says. He had me stand watch over him to make sure that in opening the bond, Caedus doesn't torture him like his did to me and Ahsoka." Rex took another breath. "Codes, I know that this sounds crazy. But Kenobi is alive and fighting Caedus." He said quietly. Cody pressed his lips together.

"You're right. That does sound crazy. Rex, if Kenobi was alive he would have not practiced mental torture on you and your wife." Cody raised his eyebrows. Rex ran his hand over his freshly shaved scalp, his buzzcut scratchy under his hands.

"I don't think he's in control. Whatever they did to him to make him this way... it would have been worse than anything he ever did to me." He brushed at the tip of the scar that distended his blacks slightly at his shoulder and made a visible line down to the bottom of his opposite shoulder blade, feeling the slight tingle of damaged nerves not quite registering the touch against the scar tissue. He felt restless, on edge.

He stood and paced the room, feeling the need to move.

"Rex, nobody would want to believe that the good general was alive more than me." Cody said quietly. "But it's just not possible."

"Cody-"

"No, Rex. I will not give in to a hope that he may still be alive. I've worked too hard to get over the shock of his death and becoming a separatist in the first place. I won't-" He made a choked sound in the back of his throat, and Rex realized there were tears in his ori'vod's eyes. Cody swallowed back the lump in his throat. "He betrayed us. Like Slick and Fox. Like Bar- er... Like Offee did. I... I can't keep watching people I care about do this." He whispered throatily, looking up at Rex.

"Cody, He didn't have a say in what happened to him. The others did." Rex pointed out.

"Rex, even if... I cannot give into hope. It'll just distract me." Cody leaned forward and rested his forearms on his knees. Rex sat next to him again, carefully putting a hand on his shoulder. "Distractions get you killed." He whispered, reciting a line from their command training. He felt radiating waved of sadness and... longing, in the force? Realization smacked him full in the face.

"You loved him." He whispered. Cody gave him a sidelong look, wiping at his eyes.

"He was my CO, and more than that, he was the first person to see me as more than a unit. More than a product. Of course I loved him." Cody said bitterly.

"No, you loved him like I do Ahsoka." Rex met his brother's gaze. Cody's jaw tightened in an unexplainable pain.

"I... I did." He whispered, hunching in on himself. "He had eyes only for that mandalorian duchess, though. I wasn't about to stand between that. Not for my own selfish wants." Cody laughed bitterly.

"That party on Onderon, the day of yours and Ahsoka's wedding, I saw you two sitting on the bench away from the main party and..." He sighed softly. "You two looked so utterly happy, laughing and curled up together. I was happy for you, I really was. But all I could think of in that moment was how much I wanted that for myself."

A tear slid down his copper cheek.

Rex pulled Cody into a side hug as his brother gave a shuddering breath. "I can't believe he's fighting Rex. I just... I... He..." Cody curled a little farther in on himself, leaning into Rex's hug as he gave a strangled sob.

"Hope is a double edged sword." Rex whispered. "Kriff, Cody. I didn't know. I'm sorry."

Cody gave a harsh laugh. "Nobody did. I guess I didn't really know myself until I got the report that he had been killed in a Corascant alley. You have no reason to be sorry."

"How did you do it, Rex? After the reconditioning." Cody asked quietly.

"You saw how I got. You're stronger than I ever was, then and now. I guess I just did it one day at a time. You know, when Caedus was messing with Anakin's head, I think he asked about you. Anakin was talking and yelling to thin air, so take anything from him with a grain of salt." Rex smiled ruefully. Cody snickered a little too, but the humor was barely there.

"I've always been stronger than you. And don't you forget it." He said, flipping their positions so Rex was held in a headlock as Cody rubbed his knuckles against his skull.

"Ow! Ok, so that's how it is." Rex grunted, squirming as he tried to get Cody off of him. Cody maneuvered him into a full body hold before running a feather light touch across the back of Rex's ear. Rex yelped again.

"Wonder how many people know about that?" Cody chuckled in his ear, tickling him. Rex struggled harder.

"To kriffing many." He ground out before managing to get some leverage and sending both of them rolling to the floor. "But the thing about squadmates is-" He dragged his nails lightly against the back of Cody's neck. "-they always know your buttons as well." It was just like when they were play fighting as cadets on Kamino.

"Ack- Rex you kriffing- MMPH" The last part was muffled by the floor. Rex eventually called truce and let his brother up. Durasteel flooring was not made for wrestling, and best to stop before somebody got hurt. Cody was smiling now, but the pain was still there, written in the lines of his face and behind his eyes. Rex mentally kicked himself for being a bad brother and not seeing it sooner. He knew Cody better than anybody else and he had never even recognized so much as a hidden grimace.

As Rex helped Cody to his feet he pulled him into a proper hug. "I'm right across the hall, if you ever need me." He said quietly. Cody tightened his grip on Rex in the slightest before releasing him.

"Ok. Thank you, vod'ika."

"Always, ori'vod."