A Pastor's Daughter's Diary

Suicidal

Dear Jesus,

My day would have been perfect if not for the major bump we encountered in the road.

*Sighs* I love Sundays so much that now I feel all the remaining days of the week should be cancelled and only Sunday should exist.

I mean, there will be no school, no fear of what Genevie and her crew can try next, and no heart attack about the coming exams.

Well, this morning, I woke up, thanks be to you. I actually woke up earlier than usual. The clock read 2:30am, but I couldn't go back to sleep.

After tossing about on my bed for some time, I started worshipping you. Your presence, I felt it.

I slid into prayers of intercession. I prayed for Lydia and the other orphans at Arrows Children Orphanage. As I prayed, compassion swelled in my heart for the remaining orphans all over the world who are naked, hungry, homeless, and abused.
I couldn't stop my tears at the thought of them. I prayed with all my heart, asking you to watch over those children.

While I was praying, a vision of an execution hanging rope flashed through my spiritual eyes. It was so clear. Almost immediately, I knew I had to pray against a suicidal spirit. The urgency was so much that it pressed on my spirit like a burden, even more intense than what I felt while I was interceeding for Dad on that fateful day.

My prayers translated into groanings. It was like what I imagine women in labour pass through.

I pleaded to you for mercy, crying for all the people I could think of, asking you to prevent them from taking their own lives.
That your Holy Spirit should go and minister to any heart that the accuser has been ranting lies to. I kept on for about thirty minutes, until I felt a slight release.

My Bible reading was from the book of Lamentations 2:19.
"Arise, cry out in the night, at the beginning of the watches! Pour out your heart like water before the presence of the Lord! Lift your hands to him for the lives of your children, who faint for hunger at the head of every street."

What other confirmation did I need? I believed you had heard my prayers.

By the time I was done, I realized the time had travelled faster than I thought. 6:16am! And we had to be at the church by 7:00am. You know, my dad's the senior pastor and all that. I could already hear the rustling of my parents downstairs.

I made a quick dash for the shower.

Mom came to knock on my door while I was in the shower. She must have been thinking I was still in dreamland. How wrong, Mom! If only you knew how long I'd been awake.

"My star", Mom said, "are you up?"

"I'm awake Mom. Will meet you in a jiffy," I yelled over the sound of the running shower in reply.

Hurriedly, I put on my clothes: a straight, knee-length, black skirt and white top with the words 'Jesus Saves' inscribed on it in bold, red letters.
To complement that get-up, I donned my red-and-black coloured high-heeled sandals.
I wore golden cross earrings, a cross pendant on my neck, and my special golden wristwatch which my parent got me as a present on my fifteenth birthday.

I packed my Bible, jotter and pen into my black tote bag, and literally raced out my room to the ground floor of the house. I headed to the dining table in our kitchen.

"Hey, hey, hey! Easy. At this rate, you're gonna trip and hurt yourself," Dad said.

He was wearing a black, three-piece suit on a striped, red shirt. Mom, who was seated opposite him, looked absolutely gorgeous in her simple black gown and red fascinator. All three of us wore the same three colours.
I made a mental note to get us together for a group picture later as I pecked Dad and Mom on their cheeks and greeted them.