A Pastor's Daughter's Diary

Flashbacks

Dear Jesus,

When a person lives in a new life, parts of her past comes back to haunt and test the ground of her new found faith.

Considering all the events about Felicia and all, I had a little bit of flashback today. The day I almost fell headlong into a bad ditch.

I had snuck out of the house to attend a party. I made sure mom and dad had slept off. That ugly day was the day of my 'initiation' into the Dazzling Diamonds gang. Genevie was like a goddess, being in charge and all since the party was held in her house (apparently, she was home alone as her parents and elder siblings were away); even Trisha, the school Queen (or should I say the slay queen) was there. I was so happy to be finally recognized as part of the populars.

The night was progressing smoothly, until... Genevie came off the dance floor and gave me a drink. I just didn't feel comfortable about it.

Everyone's eye was on me. They were waiting to see if a PK would really do it.

My guardian angel must have been really alert. Just as I lifted the glass to my mouth to drink, a huge shattering sound was heard.

Everyone's attention was drawn to that point. I was abandoned, thankfully. A guy who was drunk started a fight with another guy over a girl.

I heaved a sigh in relief, thankful for the distraction. I managed to sneak away from the rumpus and stumble my way back home.

It was 11:16pm by the time I got back home. I was certain no one would be awake.

The sitting room was dark. I tiptoed past my parent's room and was about ascending the stairs to my room when the lights switched on.

I froze.

There seated on the couch were my parents with alarm and disbelief written on their faces.

Now that I think back to that day, I must have looked quite a sight to behold.

I wore a forbidden cloth. It was a skimpy and tightly fitted club dress my aunt in the US sent to me. It was bright red with sparkling diamonds all over. To complete my forbidden dress code, I wore make-up with red highlights. My mom had told me to throw the cloth away but I had secretly hidden it.

I could have peed on my self. Oh no! It wasn't supposed to turn out this way. How could one day of supposed liberty end up in a lose-lose situation?

They told me to sit facing them. I figured I would be grounded and be under severe surveillance forever. How wrong I was! It was much worse.

My dad and mom didn't shout or beat me. They gave me a heated lecture till the next morning. I don't quite recall what they said in detail, but I don't ever want to hear such again. I was denied sleep and my ear drums would have burst from the pressure of too much parent talk.

Guilt ate up at me but I stubbornly shoved it to the back of my brain. I thought I was being caged. I didn't know how much they loved me then and how lucky I was not to have gotten drunk or drugged or raped.

That brings me back to the case of Felicia. She's already awake. The effect of the remnant of the sedative in her blood stream had already worn out three days after the emergency surgery.

She opened up that she had know she was pregnant since about 4 weeks ago.

She said she was raped. She was walking home late at night when a masked man gagged her and dragged her into an alley and defiled her. She kept it a secret cos she was afraid of the shame it would bring to her family.

Her world was shattered when she didn't see her period when it was supposed to come. That was when she became depressed and started hearing voices in her head telling her it was better for her to end her life and that of the 'bastard' (the words of that sly voice, not mine) growing in her.

Felicia said she struggled with this alone for weeks until she could bear it no longer. No wonder she always had this far away look in her eyes anytime we were together in the youth meeting at church. She was also unusually silent during that time.

"That God rescued you from death is a sign that he still loves you. He has great plans both for you and the baby in you," mom said to her as she sat beside her bed in the hospital.

I was also in the ward alongside her mother, Mrs Trimon who had tears trailing down her face all through the revelation.

"He has given you a second chance why don't you give him your life again. He's the one who can help you scale through this tough time. He can give you a fresh start with him," mom continued.

"I don't think He can still look at me. I done a lot of bad things no one was aware of. Church was just a facade; a way to fit in to the mould of my parents."
She turned to address her mother in a broken voice. "Mom, I've never been good. I haven't moved with the right company. I never truly went to study with my friends that day. We went to a bar in town and that's where I was coming from. I must have been stalked from there. I'm so sor-" Her voice broke.

Her mother was shocked but anger had long gone. She went over to her daughter and pulled her into a massive bear hug. Together they sobbed into each other's arms.

"I love you, Felicia. No matter what. We're going to scale through this together," Her mother said.

"I love you too Mom. I'm sorry for all the pain I've caused you."
"I want what you have, Radiance. I want the Jesus you have, not the fake I hid under. I want Him to make me new again," she said to me amidst sobs.

My joy was to see a prodigal daughter turn to Jesus again. Mom nodded her consent I went ahead to lead her in the sinner's prayer. Every one could see how sincere she was as she asked you back into her life. Felicia became a new creature. Hallelujah!

At school, I made sure to gist Kathlyn and Priscilla about all that transpired. They were equally happy with how things turned to be. We even went together to visit her in the hospital on the Saturday of that week.

Priscilla brought her flowers. She smiled and thanked her.

"You people, hardly know me and yet you're treating me so well. What have I done Lord to deserve this great blessing?" She said tearfully.

"We are family. Thank God you didn't die. You are our friend now." Kathlyn said to comfort her.

Joy coursed through my being as we all joked and laughed and prayed together. Lord, this joy of being together with my sisters in Christ is better than I imagined.

Well, I must confess, I went back to the hospital partly with the hopes of meeting Fredrick again.

Why did he have to collect my number, putting my hopes up when he'll just disappoint?
Sighs. I guess I'm taking this too far. I hardly even know him.

I told Kathlyn 'bout meeting him, describing him in the best way I could.
She was equally surprised.
Seeing she followed me to the orphanage, I subtly asked her if she noticed anything about him. She told me that she guesses he's on a scholarship. She also noted that he was really close to Lydia.

Priscilla and Felicia were busy catching up on each other while we were discussing this.

Right now, as I write in my diary to you, Lord, I want to thank you for saving Kathlyn, and me, and Priscilla and Felicia and then bringing us together.

I know it's for a purpose. I can sense something big coming up. I just hope you'll be with us all the way.
Of course, silly me. It's not as if you're like man that fails.
That's why I love you.

The past is in the past...

Zzz... Goodnight Lord.

**********
Well hello there! 😇
This is a little view into what Radiance's life was like before she met Jesus. The urge to blend and be loved... At the expense of truth.🥺

Finally, Felicia's awake. The truth is out and she's now born again. *Happy dance*💃🕺

And hey! Where in the world did Fredrick disappear to?🧐

I want to say a big kudos to all those who have been cheering me on. God bless you mightily.🌹🙏

I love you all.💓💞💓
So go on, let me know your views. Click the vote button. Share this story and bless a soul.🤗