𝐒𝐄𝐂𝐔𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐘 - DIN DJARIN

Chapter 30: Devastation

chapter 30: devastation •••

From the moment he was in the air, Din regretted leaving you.

It was even before the baby cooed almost angrily in his arms, his tiny claws fisting the material of his cape upon his shoulder as he looked back at your fading form. There was a coldness that'd sunken so deeply into his bones, one that went beyond the water which still drenched him; a darkness that'd pulled him under so quickly, one that suffocated him more than the water beneath the grate ever could've. But all of that intensified the moment he left you, his one solace that he knew he needed.

Now, Din's truly fallen under.

He wonders if you'll ever find him where he stands now, alone in this room beside the place where the Frog family is staying. They've been kind enough not only to offer him the room, but also to watch after the baby. Din knows he's in no condition to do so himself. It's yet another reason why he shouldn't have left you.

It's grown dark outside and Din grows concerned at the fact you still haven't turned up. But he doesn't give himself the luxury of worrying for you. He knows he doesn't deserve to. He was the one who left you, despite the fact that just days ago he was the one begging you not to leave him, the evidence still present in long red scratches upon his back. He doesn't get to play the role of the concerned husband, calling out your name through the port to get you back into his arms as quickly and safely as possible. He doesn't even get to be the adopted father of your son, keeping him close for comfort as his mind torments him relentlessly.

Din's come to realize that he really doesn't deserve to have any titles at all.

Somehow, Din lost himself on that boat, somewhere in those deep waters where the Quarren had tried to drown him. He doesn't know who he is anymore. He's not the husband he vowed to be for you. He's not the kind man you said he was just hours before at the inn. He's not the fierce warrior who could keep you and the baby safe on that boat. He's not the man of honor who holds tight to his word.

He's not even sure if he's a real Mandalorian.

Din's still dressed head-to-toe in all his armor, afraid that if he takes even just one piece off, he'll never gain the strength to put it back on again. He saw how you acted with those Mandalorians. Din's always trusted your judgment—and when he heard the way you addressed Bo-Katan with such respect, Din knew she was a true Mandalorian. Yet, he never even knew of her existence. Her helmet came off, and she was still a Mandalorian.

Why couldn't he do the same?

All those years spent trapped within his armor, almost dying at the expense of upholding his Creed, never removing his helmet to stay true to the words he'd sworn—Din starts to wonder if it was all in vain. He even starts to fear that everything he's been taught is a lie. Din imagines a life where he was never restrained by his Creed, able to breathe in the air of the planets he visited just as freely as anyone else can, able to smile the first time he saw the baby, able to kiss you the moment you took his heart into your hands.

Din fears too much of his life has been taken from him already.

Before he can fall even deeper into his tumultuous thoughts, Din finally hears the door slide open behind him. He's been staring out of the window covered by translucent curtains ever since he stepped inside, simply standing with a restless ache resounding through his bones as he stays as still as a statue, as empty as the beskar shell of a man that he is. Din knows it's you standing there, taking a cautious step into the room as the door slides closed behind you. A pregnant silence fills the air, tense in a way that chokes him like the water had done just hours before.