I Want to be Your First Choice, Harry Potter

Chapter Thirty Eight

Harry beats me by a mile to the pitch, it makes sense that he is faster than me. His legs are longer and he has more stamina. When I finally get down there he is laying in the middle of the grass looking up at the sky with his hands on his stomach "What took you so long?" He asks. I can't see his facial expression but I can imagine a huge smirk on his face. I go and lay next to him and copy the position he is in. The sky tonight is truly beautiful, we can see the constellations perfectly. I never took any interest in the stars or anything of that sort until this night two years ago. Harry is very fascinated by how the stars look and outer space as a whole. If he where to do a muggle job he would probably be a space scientist of some type. At least I think that's a job. I don't know too much about muggle stuff.

"We should do this more often." I say, turning my head to look over at him. He looks at me and nods with a smile. I continue to look at him while he looks back up at the sky.

"You know what?" He begins "I couldn't picture myself doing this with anyone other than you." He looks at me then stands up. He walks over to me and holds both of his hands out to help me up. I sit up and place both of my hands in his, he jerks me up off the ground towards him. "I hate summer" he says. That's not the words you would usually hear from a teenage boy but from Harry, it's normal. The Dursley's treat him horribly and blame him for any minor inconvenience in their lives. Summer is still a few month away but I know he can't get it off his mind. I would invite him to stay with my family but I don't think my parents would allow him to stay over, even if it was in the guest room.

"Don't worry, we'll write to each other everyday." I reassure him.

"But it's not the same, and you don't even have an owl." He says.

"I could have my letters ready for the next day each night so when Hedwig comes she could deliver yours then take mine back to you." I say. I had actually thought a lot about how we would send letters to each other and that was the best I could come up with. It's really not a bad idea.

"Yeah I guess that could work." He looks at the ground so he doesn't have to make eye contact with me anymore. I can tell that he's been thinking about more than writing letters lately.

"What is it?" I ask studying his facial expressions.

"Nothing, you don't need to worry about me-"

"Yes I do that's part of being in a relationship with someone"

"Gab," he looks back at me "I'm fine." He says looking away again. He's not fine though, I don't get why he won't just tell me what is going on with him. It gets frustrating sometimes when he won't open up. I try to be patient but when he makes it so obvious that something's wrong and then just brushes me off after I ask what's wrong, that just makes my blood boil.

"I'm done letting you brush me off as nothing while you keep everything bottled up inside until you can't take it anymore. I don't want it to get to the point where you can't take it anymore, just tell me." I swear if that's not convincing enough I don't know what is.

"But if I tell you then-"

"Then what? What is the worst thing that could happen?" As I ask I begin to wonder. What could be so bad that he won't even tell me?

"This is what I mean when I say that you deserve better than me." He mutters "If you must know, I'm worried that over the summer you'll find someone else, someone better and someone with a family. Someone who isn't going to put your life at risk because The Dark Lord found out that you could be useful to him." He sighs "Literally anybody is better than me." He says. I'm not quite sure how to respond yet. He basically just told me that he thinks that I should break up with him because he's not good enough for me. I really think it's the other way around which is funny. How could someone as kind hearted as him think so poorly of himself? All he ever cares about is putting other people before himself, a quality I wish I had. After everything he's gone through you would think all he would do is pity himself but he actually does the polar opposite. It makes me sad, seeing him like this. I can't come up with something good enough to say so I just hug him, at first he seems a little confused but he ends up hugging me back.

"You're acting foolish" I say into his shoulder before pulling away "I won't find anybody new, because I already found you." I continue"and I don't want to hear you putting yourself down anymore because that just breaks my heart and I don't know how it doesn't break yours." I say.

"Ok, I feel bad for ruining tonight." he says

"Well it's not over yet." I say. I sit back down on the grass with him and rest my head on his shoulder as we look back up at the now darker sky.
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