I Want to be Your First Choice, Harry Potter

Chapter Forty

"I'm not surprised, I'll bet Malfoy is using her to get closer to me or something." Harry says, taking his sweatshirt off. He's got a point, the only reason why I couldn't imagine that ever happening is that no matter how stupid and blind Emily is for dating Malfoy, she's not dumb enough to let someone control he like that. "It's too hot in here, you want this?" He asks holding out the sweatshirt, I nod my head, take it from him and slip it over my head. It's huge on me but I don't mind.

I told Harry about it after tryouts, he's surprised that I hadn't figured it out on my own and to be honestly so am I. Normally I would want to sort things out right away but I don't think that Emily and I are on speaking terms right now, or ever. I couldn't explain why but it makes me so angry that she turned out to be dating Malfoy. Probably because I was fooled or betrayed. I can't stand the feeling of being kept in the dark, I need to know everything at all times or else I feel like a complete imbecile. That's how I feel right now, stupid, or maybe a better word would be oblivious. Either way it's what's causing the lump to form in my throat. I don't want to cry right now. I'd feel bad for making Harry put up with me. I also hate crying in front of people and putting them in that situation but I can't help it sometimes. I try to subtly look away and wipe the tear that has now rolled down my cheek off. Unfortunately for me I wasn't subtle enough

"Whats wrong?" Harry stutters out, it's clear he is conflicted on what to do in this moment. This is what I mean when I say I don't want to put Harry in this position. Why should he have to deal with me like this? He didn't do anything wrong. It just makes me feel even more guilty and stupid and now more tears are steaming down my face as I try to level out my breathing.

"Nothing." I stretch my neck to look away from him even more. He touches my shoulder and for some reason I flinch making him move his hand quickly. "Sorry I'm just frustrated." I say in the least shaky voice that I can.

"About?" He asks, turning me back towards him. I shouldn't be embarrassed but I am, of my now puffy red eyes.

"I just, thought that I found someone different. It was exciting to me, but I was foolish. How could I be so stupid? I'm not trying to sound ungrateful but I wish I was smarter." I avoid making eye contact. He looks saddened by me saying that.

"Gabriella, you're the smartest girl I know. Do you know how many times I've heard people say that they wish they could be more like you? Too many to count. Please don't talk about yourself like that." He continues "I want you to think of yourself in the same way that I think of you."

"Which is?" I ask.

"Nothing short of perfection." I'm not usually the emotional type when it comes to these things but that one comment makes me burst out into tears. I couldn't explain why though, maybe it's the fact that it came from Harry. He means so much to me and the fact that he really thinks that just makes me want to cry. Happy tears of course. He again doesn't know what he should do so he hugs me and uses one hand to guide my head into his chest and the other to run my back. It's really comforting actually, even though I'm not sad.

"Sorry." I sniffle a few times and laugh at myself a bit"I'm being dramatic, that just made me so happy to hear you say something so sweet about me." I act like he doesn't compliment me everyday. I don't know why but this was just different. Nobody in my fifteen years of living has ever called me perfect. I know it's a stupid goal and that nobody can actually be perfect but I've always strived to be as close to perfect as possible. And someone like Harry saying it just makes it feel ten times more realistic.

"Oh, it's ok. I was worried I did something wrong." He nervously laughs a little bit and touches the back of his neck.

"I was honestly having a really crappy day before you said that, then it all got turned around. So thank you." I say pulling away from him so our eyes can meet.

"You're welcome." He says with a boyish smile. The lighting is dim at night in the common room, it's mostly lit by the fireplace. It gives off a sense of warmth. It always shows of Harry's jawline so well, and his eyes. I do really love his eyes. I've never met someone with eyes as blue as his. I'm a little bit jealous of how beautiful they are if I'm being honest. "What?" He asks. I guess I was staring.

"Nothing." I break our eye contact by looking down at my lap. "You're eyes are glistening with the ghost of your past." I joke.

"You're never let that go are you?" He asks.

"Nope." I look back up at him. I always like to tease him on the ridiculous things that Skeeter would say about him in The Prophet. I really didn't like her, nobody did but she acted like she knew Harry's past and what he's actually had to go through when all she really wanted was a juicy story for her stupid newspaper. At least now our only worry is the summer. I wish I could adopt him or something better than what he's got to go home to. The Dursley's isn't even his home, he's said it multiple times that Hogwarts is his real home. I think in a sense, Hogwarts is everyone's home.
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