I Want to be Your First Choice, Harry Potter

Chapter Fifty Three

I'm really starting to worry about Harry, lately he seems distant from anything that doesn't pertain to death eaters and Slughorn. He isn't even enjoying quidditch as much.

We haven't had enough time to go out to the pitch or up to the astronomy tower. I don't want to be pushy but at the same time when you're in a relationship you are promising someone else part of your time and he's barely given any of his to me. I guess I could try to ask him about going out sometime soon.

It's potions class right now. I wasn't paying attention because I was thinking but I think it'll be fine since Slughorn likes me now. Class is nearly over anyways.

Today I feel tired and sort of miserable. I don't want to do anything, I had a hard time getting up. We had a lot of homework the past few days so I continue to blame it on that.

After class Harry actually comes up to me and asks me how my days going. I don't want to give him anymore reasons so worry so I try to act cheery for him.

"Good, how's yours?" I ask. He sees right through my fake smile. I expect him to ask me how I'm really doing but he just gives me a little nod instead.

"Alright." He says. He's acting, burnt out. I make myself sound naive but I thought that this year was going to be perfect. We had a whole plan and everything, then the death eaters came and Harry stopped sleeping and now he's got his mind on a thousand different things.

"If you have time, I was wondering if you would want to go out to the pitch or the astronomy tower." I sound so small, like I'm afraid of what he'll say. I just don't want him to snap at me.

He sighs "I don't know, Gab. I've got-"

"A lot on your mind." I finish. He nods "Well I'm sorry Harry but that's not an excuse to be blowing me off. I lied before; about my day, but you knew that. You just didn't feel like talking about it. Don't you understand the emotional toll this is taking on me? To know that you don't even care enough to talk about how my day went." It's better if I just tell him how I'm feeling rather than keeping it all bottled it up inside.

"Don't say that, you know I care about you." He says while looking anywhere but my eyes.

"That's it? That's all you have to say? Harry, you aren't even trying act like you care!" I have a right to be upset. This is getting old, I feel like I'm the only one putting effort in lately. He can't even look at me while we walk down the hall. "I'm going to the library, if you want to talk about this you may join me but if you're just going to come up with a few generic responses to get me off your mind forget it." I turn away from him and start to go to the library.

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I would normally go to pick out a book right away but I sit at one of the desks instead and waste time staring at the door in case Harry came. I had a little hope that he would but I probably mad him angry or something, he's not coming.

Now I get up to look at books. In between shelves I see Luna Lovegood. She's an interesting girl, she's nice.

"Hello there Gabriella, browsing the shelves I see?" She asks.

"Oh, yeah. I was waiting for someone but I don't think they're coming." I explain.

"Harry, correct?" She questions. I nod and try to give her a smile. "He looks drained lately, how's your relationship?" She asks. Any normal person would know that's rude but Luna isn't normal. I figure that she won't mind if I tell her about my problems.

"Bad actually, he can't take his focus off of other things and I'm getting tired of it." I say. She studies me for a moment before responding.

"You two are quite the couple, I would be devastated to hear if you were to break up." She says. My heart sinks, I never said anything about breaking up. It's just a small argument, nothing to end our relationship over. She wonders off to another part of the library unannounced.

I go back over to the desk I was previously sitting at to collect my thoughts. Why couldn't I just shut up about going to the stupid astronomy tower? The library doors open, I don't bother looking up.

"Gabriella, I'm an idiot." Harry's shaky voice says as he comes up to me.

"You've got that right." I mumble. He sits next to me and looks at me, I am looking at my lap trying to avoid eye contact with him.

"Come on, we're going to the astronomy tower." He says standing up and taking one of my hands into his. He sounds nervous, like I would deny his offer.

"What changed your mind?" I ask.

"I talked to Luna, she mentioned something about breaking up and my heart nearly stopped at the thought of losing you."

Luna Lovegood is a genius.

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Once we finally get up the unnecessary amount stairs I see a familiar tall figure in his usual black suit, although he's got one foot up on one of the bars that normally would be used to keep people from falling off of the side.

"What is Malfoy doing here?" Harry mutters. We are far enough away that if we keep our voices low, Draco won't notice we are there. We could just leave but I have a gut feeling we shouldn't.

He leans over the railing and looks down at the ground. He begins to talk to himself as if he's gone insane.

"Come on don't be a prat, do it already. It'll be over before you know it." At this moment I don't care about all of the horrible, horrible things he's done to me and my friends. He's still a sixteen year old boy who was born into an awful situation with evil parents and terrible influences. I think it's finally gotten the best of him. He's been acting awfully weird, I think I believe Harry now. I think he is a death eater and I think he's had enough of it.

"He's pitching himself off the astronomy tower."

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