I Want to be Your First Choice, Harry Potter

Chapter Sixty Four

As we walk through the crisp February air I keep replaying what Harry said in my head. If he still loved me why did he break up with me? Then I remember where he was shortly before the break up.

"Harry, what did Dumbledore say to you before you decided to end things?" I ask.

"Oh um not much why?" He asks.

"I can read you like a book. What did he say Harry?"

He stops walking. "He told me that a romantic relationship might be dangerous, not only to me but to you. If Voldemort found out that you were my best friend let alone my girlfriend he could use you as bait. Similarly to second year, when he used Ginny. And she's only my best friends sister." He explains, unfortunately he has a point. I would be a great use to Voldemort.

But I would risk myself just to be with him, it's completely worth it.

"Harry, I get it. But we can't live in fear all of our teenage years." I say.

"I'd rather live in fear than not live at all." He says sarcastically. I don't like it when he makes jokes about death. It's not funny, although his coping mechanism is to make fun of his pain, so I let it slide. He constantly makes jokes about his parents and other traumatizing events that have happened in his life. I try to hide my discomfort when he does but he usually stops when he sees my reaction.

"Yeah, but I'd rather not alive at all than live without you." I reply.

"I just wanted to give you an option, in case you would rather stay alive and well than be with a foul, foul boy like me." He says mocking my former comment. I lightly hit him on the arm and laugh.

As I readjust my grip on my guitar he stops walking again. "What?" I ask.

"We're here." He says.

I hadn't looked up from the ground for a while so now that I'm looking around I realize how beautiful the area really is. It's a small space surrounded by these huge trees that the leaves are more like vines and they hang down to the ground like drapes on a window. The sky is open, however. "How did you find this?" I ask in awe.

"I asked around." He answers humbly while shrugging. "I could sort of just imagine you liking this area to play guitar in." He continues. "It's prettier in the morning time."

"Yeah I bet." I say while slowly walking over to a large rock still admiring the sight. I sit down on the rock and position my guitar on my leg. Harry comes and sits across from me with his arms resting on his knees.

I just do some fiddling around with different finger picking tunes and humming along softly while every few moments I'll look to see Harry who hasn't taken his eyes off of me. It's almost as if his skin is glowing in the moonlight along with his perfect eyes twinkling. I offer the guitar to him in case he wanted to try but he pushes it away "I like listening to you." He says while a smile grows across his face. He seems content while I play and I enjoy the fact that I can bring him some comfort by doing something as simple as this.

While still plucking strings strategically I begin to ask a rather important question "Harry, you said that you never stopped loving me."

"That is true."

"Would it be appropriate for me to say that I never stopped loving you either?" I ask sounding unsure of myself.

He laughs at my question "You don't need my permission to love me back."

"So what does this mean about us?" I ask.

"I have an idea. Why don't we stop worrying about all of the specifics for one night and just do whatever we want. And if you really want, we can act like it never happened tomorrow." He offers.

"I think that would be perfect." I reply, I rest the guitar in the grass next to me so I can stand up off of the uncomfortable rock I have been sitting on and move next to him. He lays back and looks up at me as if he's waiting for me to do the same. I lay back into the cool grass and look at him to see what he'll say next, even when he's laying on his back his side profile is perfect. He doesn't look at me, but up at the sky while reaching over for my hand. I gladly interlock my fingers with him and direct my gaze up at the sky.

"It's rather cloudy." He says.

"Yeah, but that's ok. We can pretend like the stars are there." I say.

"Or I could just look at you." He turns his head to look me in the eyes. I feel my heart start to race even more than it already was.

"Oh um yeah, perhaps if you wanted." I stutter.

"Do I really make you that nervous?" He asks confidently.

Yes. The answer to his question is yes, he makes me ten times more nervous than what I'm displaying right now.

"No!" I defend.

"Mhm."

"You're the one who couldn't even ask me out in person don't forget." I say sassily.

He slaps his free hand into his forehead "I don't need to be reminded of that." He says while his face is tinged pink.

"It's ok, I still have the letter you know, actually I kept all of the letters you've ever sent me." I admit.

"Oh." I can see him try so hard not to smile to the point where he's just making a weird face.

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The sun is rising at the perfect angle to peak through the trees and hit my face. I immediately take notice to the wet ground I'm laying on, the morning dew has dampened my clothes and hair. My hand is still loosely being held. I would normally be freaked out by something like this, but all I am is content. Harry takes in a deep breath and rubs his eyes with his free hand.

"Good morning." He says with a raspy voice.

"You said we could forget last night but-"

"I said if you want." He corrects.

"Well I don't want to." I say.

"Then we shall remember it for the rest of our lives." He declares playfully.

"Anyways it wouldn't be possible for me to simply forget any time I've ever spent with you." I say finally sitting up. I run my fingers through my hair in hopes that will brush it out.

He seems to take notice to my panic to fix my appearance. "You look beautiful." He says while sitting up to meet my eyes.

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Let's all just take a moment to appreciate Harry's morning voice <3

Also sorry I didn't post yesterday I've been very busy:)