I Want to be Your First Choice, Harry Potter

Chapter Sixty

I will admit, the Slytherin common room is rather interesting, it's under water and all so that's cool I guess. It's just missing that warm welcoming feeling that my own common room has. But maybe this is comfort to the Slytherins, on second thought I doubt it. The black leather couches kind of suck all of the fuzzy feelings out of the room.

I'm having a hard time having any fun since every time I look over Harry's talking to someone knew. He likes to talk a lot but it still stresses me out. I still haven't gone up to him since I'm nervous I'll forget how to speak around him.

I feel someone play with the back of my hair, I quickly swat their hand away and turn around to see Malfoy standing over me. He's so tall and lengthy and all the sudden intimidating. I've never been afraid of him before this year, in fact I'd always stand up to him but he's different now. He's a sixteen year old boy that I have come to find frightening. I still manage to make myself look unphased though.

"What do you want, Malfoy?" I snap.

"Nothing, nothing." He laughs to himself, looks down then looks me back in the eye creepily "I just heard about your break up, pathetic innit?" He asks.

"I don't know what you mean." I reply.

"Well your not so faithful boyfriend's been talking to loads of other girls, although I thought his reasoning was that he just couldn't handle a relationship at the moment. But I have a slight suspicion that he just couldn't handle you, or didn't care to." He finishes with a large grin.

"Shove off before I tell everyone at this party about that night up at the astronomy tower." I scoff before walking away. I don't understand what he's trying to get at. It's not like I'm even any use to him anymore, Harry and I are broken up.

Of course he could be trying to get inside my head for his own amusement. That little slime ball. Of course the one conversation topic I was avoiding tonight he had to bring up, now my eyes are filling with tears and I hate myself for not being able to hold them back. I let the tears cloud my vision as I try to stop them from falling down my face. I see Harry look at me from across the room, and start to walk over to me.

"Just brilliant." I mutter to myself. This is not the way I wanted to present myself to him tonight.

"Hey Gab!" He says lightly.

"Hi Harry." I say with a much dryer tone than him. He frowns at me and a tear that I was trying so hard not to let roll down my cheek escapes from my eye. Damn it.

His eyes widen, he has no idea what to do or say and he has no problem making that obvious. "Um do you want a drink or something?" He asks. I just shake my head instead of trying to talk and risk having my voice crack pathetically. "Can I ask what's wrong?" He asks. I shake my head at that too. I make myself look like a toddler conversing with their parent. "Could I give you a hug?" Those words are so refreshing coming from him. I can't though, I can't keep letting him lead me on like this. It's tearing me apart. It almost physically pains me to say it, but I have to or I'll never get I've him.

"That's inappropriate Harry." I say.

"Right." He corrects himself "Yeah you're right, I guess I should just leave you to find Ginny or Hermione or a girl who actually knows what to say." He says. He doesn't know it but he's the only one who could say any combination of words in the world and I would find it perfectly comforting. With Harry it doesn't matter what's coming out of his mouth, since it's usually a load of rubbish anyways, it's about how he says it and he usually gives me a hug, which is an obvious bonus.

"Yeah I'll see you this weekend when I'm not a complete mess." I say laughing at myself a little.

"Hey don't talk about yourself like that." He almost scolds me. I said something so little and insignificant but he seems to care so much. "I mean, you aren't a mess. And I'll see you tomorrow." He finishes before going back over to a group of boys.

Every time he walks away from me I get a flashback from when he walked away and left me on the balcony. I thought that might be the last conversation we ever had. Luckily he's a good guy and he cares enough about my well being to not do that to me.

Someone bumps into me on accident and instantly apologizes, I see it's Carl. Poor, helpless, hopeful Carl. I do feel horrible for having to break his heart. He's not even an overall awkward boy. In fact many girls tend to fancy him, he's an attractive, respectful boy it's just that I don't see him in that way. He's got dirty blonde wavy hair and brown eyes. He's tall too, taller than Harry at least.

I have a bad habit of comparing every guy to Harry then being disappointed when they aren't him.

"Hi Gabriella." He says nervously.

"Hey Carl." I respond looking anywhere but his eyes.

"Do you want a drink?" He asks eagerly.

"Yeah sure." I respond. He walks away quickly.

Shortly after he comes back with a drink that's yellowish colored "Oh I'm sorry I should've told you that I don't drink alcohol." I say sympathetically.

"Oh that's alright, I'll get you some water." He starts to turn back but I grab his wrist.

"It's ok, I don't need it." He gives me a little smile for a response. The music is so loud I can feel it in my chest. I see someone change the song and as soon as it comes on I immediately want to get out of this party as fast as I can.

"This song is good, do you know the name?" Some girl asks me who was passing bye.

"Yeah I do. It's Centerfold by The J. Geils Band." I answer.

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