I Want to be Your First Choice, Harry Potter

Chapter Fifty Eight

We've been assigned an essay in potions class, my first instinct has always been to go to the library with Harry so I can help him pick out books and practically write the essay for him. I've never minded or anything, I actually like his company, his little smirks and jokes to lighten the mood while I'm hard at work.

Even though I'm angry, the sadness outweighs it. I still care about him, even the little things. Like if he gets a good grade on this paper or not and if he's too stressed out to do it in the first place. I guess I was his main stressor though, so he's probably doing better. Although his eye bags are back, and he's been talking to Ron and Hermione less and less it seems, his performance in quidditch has gone down slightly.

I can't really talk to him at least for a few more days so we can let things cool down but since I room with Hermione she can let me know how he's doing. I decided to work on the essay and go to the library with her instead.

"I don't want to get your hopes up, Gabriella." Hermione starts as she reaches for a book. She's caught my attention with that statement. "But Harry asked me about you today, and yesterday, and the day before, and-"

"Ok I get it. What did he ask?"

"Just how you were doing." She replies. That doesn't really say much though, he would do that for anyone.

"Oh, ok thanks." I say stuffing my nose into the book I had already picked out to hide my eyes filling with tears. I'm so weak, every time I see him I want to cry.

Once the other day he gave me a smile in the hall, gosh I sound desperate. I just miss him, just being able to talk to him about anything and everything. I am angry with him though but that could never cloud how much I love him. Just because he broke up with me doesn't mean I don't love him. I essentially pleaded for him not to do it, I should've told him how much it would kill me to see him in the common room, at every meal, at quidditch practice, and everywhere else around the school.

Then again I can't guilt him into staying with me.

Hermione's been telling me that she's been helping Harry figure things out about the death eaters, things that I would normally be helping him with. To say that I'm jealous of Hermione would be an understatement. She gets to talk to Harry all she wants and I just have to watch, I know that they've never been attracted to each other though. That would be weird, they're like brother and sister.

She said it might be a good idea for me to start helping them anyways, I obviously want to but I don't want to make things awkward. I guess after these next few days I could try and help since Harry and I can't ignore each other forever. If he gets mad I'll just say Hermione made me, that's believable enough.

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I have slowly started talking with Harry again, we agreed to be friends.

Friends.

I guess his whole reasoning was that he couldn't handle a relationship at the moment. And he's not the type to just never talk to me again considering we've been best friends for nearly six years now.

It's a start, at least we are sitting with each other at meals and I have been helping figure things out.

Harry plans on using his Felix Felicis sometime in the next few days to gather important information from Slughorn. I can't wait to see how that goes, I remember when Ron only believed he was on liquid luck. I can only imagine how one would act while actually under it.

I think I might ask him if he needs help with his essay. It might be a bit pushy but again, I didn't get a choice in our relationship. It sort of just ended because he wanted it too. And I get that he can't handle everything but he should've told me sooner about how he was feeling. I have a slight suspicion that Dumbledore had an influence on Harry so suddenly ending things. I wish that I knew what he had said to him in his office that night. It would probably explain a lot.

We're heading to potions now anyways so I could ask him there. There's only a few days left to turn in the essay but I'm sure he hasn't started it.

Once we get into the classroom I decide to take the station next to Harry. He seems a little surprised but not too much. I thought it would be easier to talk to him but what do I know? Luckily he starts a conversation for me.

"I'm happy you're helping us with all the death eater stuff." He says quietly while leaning towards me to make sure nobody's listening. I catch a waft of his signature scent when he gets closer to me.

"Yeah me too. Are you excited to use the Felix Felicis?" I ask.

"I don't really know how to feel about it, I think I'm going to have Hermione come with me because she knows what she's doing." He laughs awkwardly. "I mean, you know what you're doing too." He corrects himself quickly.

"It's ok, I know." I say wittily. He smiles at my remark.

It makes me a little sad that I won't be the one to go with him but I get it, that would be inappropriate.

"Oh and Harry, I know for a fact that you haven't one sentence done on your paper. If it's ok with you, could I help you with it?" I immediately regret asking him after the words come out of my mouth. He gets a sympathetic smile.

"I would've said yes but I've finished it already, sorry. I just have a lot of time on my hand now so I decided to do it." He says. I'm assuming I was the one taking up all of his time.

"Wow, all on your own?" I ask. I don't believe he was motivated enough to just pick up a piece of parchment and a quill and write an essay.

"Well I got a bit of help from Romilda Vane." He adds.

"You know she's trying to slip you a love potion right?" I can't believe how oblivious this boy is when it comes to somebody being attracted to him.

"No, I didn't." He replies. "Why?" He sounds surprised.

"Because she fancies you." I say looking down at my work. "It's only because you're the chosen one though." I add, It's true unfortunately. How shallow.

"Oh, that's just the perks I guess." He says with his usual cocky smirk. I hit him with my book, and he rubs his arm while looking away in embarrassment, his face turning the color of a tomato. Most likely because I really hurt him. I guess it was all of the anger bottled up inside, at least that's the way I got it out rather than ruining our friendship.

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Sorry this one was a bit boring it's mostly to describe how Gabriella is feeling after the break up!!