Fix Me (A Jack Gilinsky FanFic)

Chapter 46

CHAPTER 48

“I can’t…I can’t fix you. But…” I begin.

“Yes you can, okay maybe this whole argument has been a little over dramatic but things are weird right now and I’m hurting bad I just can’t lose anoth---!”

“Wait, you didn’t let me finish… I can’t fix you. But I’m sure as hell gonna try.” Jack’s arms tie around my waist and mine wrap around his neck. He lifts me a bit and spins me in a circle. I turn to the woman holding the gate open and motion for her to close it with a smile.

His smile saves my drowning thoughts of depression and he makes me happy. Being around him already has changed my mood 100 percent. I’m happier than I’ve ever been when I’m with him.

As I walk out of the airport and to the parking lot I begin to sweat. The temperature has increased a lot since the morning. Jack asks me if he can take my jacket and thinking of the short-term scars staining my wrists I tell him no. He pulls along my carry on. By this time my luggage is already on its way to South Carolina and there’s nothing I can do about it.

How am I going to tell Jack I self harmed? You can tell that it wasn’t one time. It looks like I’ve been doing it for years. They’ll go away eventually so my best bet is to hide them until then. But I broke a promise. I promised Jack that I would never even consider it again. But I did and I’m more ashamed in myself than he ever could be of me.

But of course Jack finally makes me take off my jacket in worries that I’ll get a heat stroke. I do it slowly making sure to hide the cuts as best as I can.  He drives me to Sammy’s house and he doesn’t really talk to me. We constantly smile at each other and assure each other of one another’s company by holding hands and stroking each other’s arms.

I get self conscious when he traces patterns upon my arm with his fingers. The scars could easily be felt. This causes me to shrink my arm back to my side and he shoots me a confused look. I smile at him and cross my arms so that I’m tucking them into my chest.

“Everything alright?” He asks me not too concerned still giving me a sympathetic smile.

“Couldn’t be better,” I say smiling at him. My eyes wonder away from him and watch objects pass by me from the front. I feel his eyes watch me. I see his eyes inch up and down as if he’s scanning me for some sort of issue. His eyes aren’t aimed at the road at all.

Couldn’t be better, I said. In reality, it couldn’t be worse.

“Sometimes I forget how hard things were for you, and I feel for you now. I don’t go through the exact same things but when traumatic things happen in life they follow you throughout life and I am so sorry Cat. I never knew how hard one thing could be on you let alone so many things adding up. I love you so much, youre so strong and its truly inspiring.”

Jack drives me to Sammy’s house, who offered for me to stay there until I can work things back out with my mom and grandparents. Sammy, Jack and I briefly talk and I call my grandparents to tell them my slight change in plans. By the time we’re finished talking, Sam turns a movie on and it’s late in the evening. I end up falling asleep on the couch as Jack and Sammy are watching the movie from other chairs in the room.

Next thing I know, Sammy is waking me up, and Jack is gone, “”What time is it?” I ask groggily.

“Four a.m,” he responds shuffling me so that he’s sitting underneath my head and I’m laying on him like a pillow, “I’ve missed you so much,” he says as he begins playing with my hair. 

I don’t think he notices but a tear rolls down my cheek, “I’ve missed you too,” I croak out. I think he notices the pain in my voice because he pulls me closer to him and squeezes me, giving me more affection.

“Are you okay?” he asks. No I’m not. But do I tell him? Do I tell him I broke down and hurt myself and watch him break down like he did last time?

“Sam,” I sigh, and he sits me up so I’m now leaning on his shoulder.

“Catherine you’re scaring me, what’s going on?” He asks me. He knows me so well, almost as if I’m an open book and he’s the author.

“I did something stupid…” he sizes me up and down, then grabs my arm, ”it was stupid, and I was in a bad spot please Sam, understand that for me.” He softly slides the cuffs of my sleeves back and stares at my wrists. The scars are light red lines, but are easily visible.

He sighs and it sounds like through disappointment, I’m dreading what Sammy’s about to say. So I cut him off.

“Please don’t tell Jack, he’s got enough on his plate.”

“Catherine,” he sighs again.

“Sammy, I don’t want the lecture, please. I know what I did was wrong, Just please don’t tell Jack. So many awful things have happened recently, and I keep fucking up but from here on out I promise to try harder.”

“He’s going to find out one way or another Cat, you have to tell him. Imagine how destroyed he’d be if…”

“If his best friend killed himself and he found out that his…another one of his friends wanted to as well?!"

“You’re telling me that you’re going to hide this from him?! What if he sees the scars? How are you gonna explain to him that you weren’t going to tell him?” he begins to get frantic and his tone sounds stressed.

“I’ll tell him, just not now. Trust me, we need to heal his broken heart, not my scratched wrist.”

“Scratched wrists? That’s all that is to you? Catherine this is so wrong,” he pulls my body towards him as my eyes begin to shut again from exhaustion. My arms wrap around his waist and my head rests upon his chest.

I yawn, “I’m sorry,” he doesn’t respond. He begins to hum a song softly and play with my hair again. It feels nice at the top of my head and it soothes me. I should tell Jack.

Then it hits me, I broke a promise. The only promise I’ve ever made to the boy I love more than anything or anyone else in the world. It’s broken, and can’t be fixed. I’m broken and can’t be fixed. 

***** 

wHAT DO YOU THINk jack's goiNG TO SAY OMG?!?!?!?!?!?