Fix Me (A Jack Gilinsky FanFic)

Chapter 43

CHAPTER 43

I get a text from Mrs. Gilinsky at three am that next day asking if she knows where Jack is, and she’s worried, immediately I text back saying ‘yes I’m going to meet him right now.’ And run out my front door.

I didn’t want her worrying but I did not know where he was. Although I have one idea. 

As I pant out of breath, I walk over to Jack and try to talk some sense into him. “Jack,” I want to cry, I just want to cry. My heart is broken. No one misses JJ more than him. Sam and I are a close second. But this is heart breaking. I walk over to Jack who is sitting in a ball facing Jack’s tombstone, “Please come home with me.”

I sit down next to him and put my hand on his back. I am lost in emotion. I want him back, I want to kiss him, and hold him, and I just want to be his, but all I can see is how heart broken he is. I see his heart through his eyes and it is shattered. He tucks his head into his legs. When I see his eyes again they’re leaking tears.

I watch them roll down his cheek and he starts to cradle himself back and forth.

“Jack please,” I start to cry and shake him, “Please go home, or go to Sammy’s, or my place or anywhere. I don’t care but you can’t stay out here all night. You need your sleep, jack…please,” he isn’t even listening to me. I honestly don’t know what to say.

I start to scream and tears stream down my face, “Jack please come home. JACK I NEED YOU TO BE STRONG! Please I’m here for you. I will help you get through this.”

Jack shakes his head from side to side.

“I would give the world to see you happy, to see your smile. Your heart is breaking and that makes my heart…I can’t stand to see you so upset. Please Jack.”

Jack stands quickly and walks slowly from Johnson’s tomb. He doesn’t wait for me to follow. The next time I see him is when I start to walk home, Jack’s sitting in his car…waiting for me? I slowly approach the passenger seat and get in his car. He starts the car without saying a word and pulls out into the street. I don’t bother to say anything, he would listen but wouldn’t care. He shortly pulls into my driveway.

Before I get out of the car I just look at him, “Jack, come inside with me. I’ll make you some tea and you can sleep in the guest bed. Please.” He cuts the engine and takes the keys out.

But he doesn’t get out.

He sits there. I get out of the car, walk into my home, and wait. Jack does eventually come through the door minutes later and I take him to the guest room.

As soon as he finished getting situated I walked up stairs. I’m exhausted. I fall onto my bed and start bawling. I miss Jack. I miss both of them, all I wanted is “Jack and Jack.” I know the pain Jack is going through and I only wish neither of us did. I crawl myself into a ball under the covers and cry myself to sleep. My pillow is damp and my eyes are too blurry to see anything.

When I wake up I immediately run to the front of the house. There is no car in the driveway…Jack…I run downstairs and see if Jack has actually left. The room is empty. No sign of life anywhere and the bed is partially made.

I quickly text him, “Jack, are you okay?” and a couple minutes later with no response I say, I’m heading out tomorrow for New York again and I was hoping I could say goodbye. Text me.” I really want to see him one last time before I head out but I can’t let him stop me.

I finish packing my things for that whole day and end after suppertime. My mom and I sit down in front of the TV each with a plate of steak that we eat while watching some stupid comedy special on abc. We talk and laugh, I really feel like I can trust her again. She’s like the women I knew a year ago and I like that. Maybe it is the distance, but whatever it is feels good.

I’m distracted from JJ. I don’t forget. I will never forget. Jack’s death was almost as hard as James’. But I was hurting alone, now I’m hurting with all of my friends and I don’t know which is worse; being extremely heart broken and losing your childhood best friend or your friends and you all losing a best friend and watching the people you care about most drown too. Well now I’ve felt both and I can honestly say the second is worse.

My mom hasn’t brought up Johnson when the time is wrong, she lets me talk about him and she gives me the perfect amount of sympathy. 

I slowly go to sleep right there on the couch. I hear my mom slowly creep out and turn the light out and tv off. I sleep for the first time in a week soundly and well. Usually I toss and turn knowing that so many people are suffering and when I wake up everything will fall apart once again.

The early morning is painful, and only one thing on my mind; Gilinsky.