Fix Me (A Jack Gilinsky FanFic)

Chapter 38

CHAPTER 38

I watched as a spunky young man hopped around on stage and introduced all the boys. One by one they ran onstage and made some bold movement. Them leaving Jack and Jack until last.

Johnson runs on and Gilinsky feverishly runs his hands down my waist and presses me up against a wall. His lips meet mine and I don't have enough time to kiss back before he pulls away and stares at me.

"Adrenaline rush," he says ripping his hands off of me and running on stage doing a flip mid air. I shake my head at him as I appear slightly through the door. He looks back at me and licks his lips.

I watch the girls swoon over my boyfriend and his friends as they do stupid dances and Shawn performs.

"So G and I have been working on a duet," Shawn says still strumming his guitar, "you guys want to hear it?"

My eardrums break. Girls screaming impossibly loud as Gilinsky's cheeks turn bright red.

I watch them sing and then the guys take a break. Gilinsky comes over to me, a tired and exhausted girl standing in the corner.

"You okay? Want me to take you up to bed?" he asks trailing slow kisses down my temple. I shake my head.

"I'm just going to take a little nap," I say and kiss him one last time on the lips.

I walk myself upstairs and to my room. I unlock the door and grab my anxiety medication, open them up, and take one but before I could close them a collapse onto the bed.

This nap was long overdue after the night I had last night.

***********************************

When I wake up, the door is open and I can see the light from the hallway seeping in. I look around to see that I was wrapped in a blanket, my shoes were taken off, my medicine was picked up, closed, and on my nightside table with a glass of water that someone had set for me.

My eyes shuttering closed again and again. But I see Jack come out of my bathroom with his torso bare and his bottom half covered in a towel.

"Are you still sad, all the time?" Jack plops down on the bed next to me and then starts to lie down with one arm around me to me.

"You make it better," I say nuzzling into his body. He rubs a circle on my arm with his thumb.

"I love you Cat," I turn towards him and rest my lips on his for a while until I no longer remember light and my eyes turn dark again.

I wake up at two am. Jack is still in my bed but my plane leaves in two hours. I need to get on my way now. My things had been packed since yesterday before the event. I collect my things and get on my way. Leaving a note on the table telling him to call me and that I love him.

Goodbye Jack.

When I pass by the rooms a door creeks open and my heart jumps. Johnson pulls me into his and Jack's room.

"Hi Jack," I say giggling.

"Hey, leaving so soon?" he asks sitting me down on a chair across from his.

"Yeah, my mom booked an early flight for me, I'm not really good at goodbyes," I shrug and smile weakly at him.

"Then don't say 'goodbye'," he makes air quotes with his fingers, "say a temporary adios." he smiles, "We'll miss you a lot."

"I've never really had friends that cared about me, I've never really cared about friends the way I care about you guys," I touch his hand and he looks down at our interlocking hands.

"You're so special to all of us, especially Jack but you bring out such an amazing side in all of us and I can't wait until you visit."

"So what are you doing up at this time?" I change the subject.

"Um, all the boys are usually up this late haha," his laugh is limp and he gives a weird expression towards the bathroom door which leads to a lightened room.

There's a silence for a while as we just enjoy each other's presence, "Cat?" I raise my eyebrows at him, "Do you ever feel like relapsing?"

"I..." I never really think about it unless I'm having a shit day, "I try to convince myself that I'm okay, that I've fixed myself."

"But..."

"But I'm not, I stay strong for other people. I don't like attention, I don't like the stares people give when I cut or when people can tell I haven't eaten in a week. What about you?"

He looks puzzled at me.

"I see the way you look at me when we talk about these things, almost like you're trying to be curious but you're only trying to feel something yourself. I see the scars, most people can't tell because they don't know what they look like and they've faded. I see them, and I see you and I want you to know you're the most important boy in my life."

He looks down, struggling for words.

"Jack, it's okay to be sad, it's okay to make a shitty instinct action, but once you've tested things out and you know how you truly feel about the actions you need to get help. If you think abou-"

"I don't, Cat I-"

"Don't lie to me Jack, I can see your pain and it hurts me. I just wish you would know how loved you are an-"

"Do you know what it's like to be less appreciated because of your looks or solely because you're geekier than your best friend?" he slams his fist down in front of me and he starts screaming with his eyes rimmed with water, "do yoU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO ACT LIKE YOU DONT CARE?! TO FUCKING MAKE A GODDAMN JOKE ABOUT SOMETHING BECAUSE YOU WANT TO SHOW YOUR FANS THAT YOURE BETTER THAN some insecurity but you never get a break and it kills you inside.!" tears stream down his face.

We both stand and he falls into my arms. I let him cry on my shoulder for minutes without saying anything.

"No one has ever seen me cry before right now," he says resting his hands on the curve in my back.

"That was me a couple days ago." I've never seen Jack THIS upset, "I love you a lot Jack. Please promise me that you will call me if you need me, please?" I run my fingers through his hair.

"Promise...G's a lucky guy to have you." I smile at him.

"He's a lucky guy to have an amazing best friend like you." I look down at my wash, I give him a passionate kiss on the cheek and a tight hug, "I have to go, I'm sorry. I love you."

"I love you a lot Cat. Call me when you land please," I nod and grab my luggage and walk out. Breaking one more time as I hear Jack letting out a sob as I shut the door behind me.