Fix Me (A Jack Gilinsky FanFic)

Chapter 22

CHAPTER 22

Monday morning, and although it was two days ago all I can think is, ‘I don’t know. Did he tell me?’ All I can think about is why I didn’t ask him. What were they talking about? All I did was make small talk and then show them out. I should’ve asked him. I don’t know what worries me more; the rumor of me being a slut, this secret, or my feelings for Gilinsky.

Even though my mind is clustered I do my usual morning routine until I reach school and find a note in my locker. It reads, “You’re such a whore, you hurt everyone you touch and I hope you kill yourself. You’re the one who deserves to be dead. Not him. Not a cute innocent boy like James. I told you to be careful didn’t I?”

Is this third grade?! A fucking death threat?! That tears it.

I immediately know it’s Xander. I crumple the note, forcing it into my bag and wait until second period. I’m so heated. It only causes me to be jittery and anxious. All I wanted to do is put someone’s head through a wall…or put my head through a wall. I don’t know how to explain my feelings.

As soon as the bell rings dismissing me from first period I storm to my next classroom. I rip out the note and slam it on his desk as he casually sits there.

“Was this you?! Of course it was! You told me to be careful? Seriously? You put a note in my locker? What is this some 1980’s film? That’s so low. I would never think that you would do something like this.”

“Wait, wait, wait hold up.” Shit. “What’s going on? What are you talking about?” He’s now standing to calm me down as I’m almost on the verge of tears.

I slide the note closer to him and he quickly reads it, “Aw Cat,” he pulls me in for a hug, “I promise you, this wasn’t me. I would never do something like this. Never ever. You know that. Dear God I hope you know that.”

Xander’s rubbing my arms and I look straight into his eyes. I can’t sense that he’s lying. In that case, I’m a bitch. Who would say ‘I told you to be careful.’ Only Xander has told me to be careful… when talking about Jack. Right?

I just called out one of my best friends for something he didn’t do. I feel awful. I just want to cry, but of course I just stand there, I’m completely emotionless and my breathing is so light you wouldn’t even think I am breathing.

“Xander…” He cuts me off thank goodness.

“I know I know. It’s okay. Do you want me to take you to the guidance office?” Xander asks just as the bell rings.

“I’ll be alright,” I say still no emotion behind my voice and take my seat. I didn’t talk in that class. I didn’t talk in any class. I sat there biting my lip, steam pouring out my ears.

Who else could it be? I thought. I just ask myself more and more questions until I could no longer answer them.

Lunch is always such a stress reliever. Walking into the cafeteria and hearing my friends chatter and commotion and seeing them laughing and smiling takes me to a new world. I do end up sitting with Addison and the crew again because Addison waves me over so fast I don’t even have a second to think about it.

Gilinsky smiles at me from across the room. I smile back. He sticks his tongue out making a silly face and I stare until something breaks my trance.

“Please explain to me how you can live with yourself.” Tammy towers over me with such a scowl and I rise to my feet. It take me a minute to comprehend what she says until I figure it out and rip the note from my bag and make a face at it.

“You? YOU? You!” I throw the note to my feet, “Real funny huh? A cute death threatening note. You’re so fake, you know that?”

Everyone in the room is gawking at the sweet new girl and quiet nerd bickering in the middle of the room.

“Fake? Talking about fake… Should I even bring up your Chicago life?”

Jack’s now standing at my side as if he’s my protective boyfriend and her few friends are clumped behind her. Jack makes me feel safe all the time. But right now. In this moment. I am alone, unprotected, and nothing can fix this feeling.

“What about it?” I spit at her holding back all my anger that I can. I want to push her down, I want to yank her hair, I want to punch her nose so hard that it bleeds. But I stand there with tension being wasted through the clenching of my fists.

“How ‘bout the fact that you were a loser? A nobody… until you pushed your best friend to killing himself…” I cut her off with the volume in my voice echoing throughout the room.

“I killed him? Do you even know what the fuck you’re talking about? No you fucking don’t. James died in an unintentional accident. It was not my fault. It was not his fault. It was one persons fault, and that was the…” she cut me off with such a triumphant smile.

“Whore who called him her best friend? You know you act so strong and so sane for someone who has hurt someone she loved. You’re the reason he drove out that night angry. You’re the reason he drank, you’re the reason he’s gone. YOU’RE THE FUCKING REASON HE’S GONE AND YOU’RE SO HAPPY BECAUSE OF IT!” The words jumped around every corner of the room entering my mind and harming my thoughts, “But you thought your world was over. He was your best friend so it had to hurt you the most right? Wrong,” She broke into tears, “He had a mom and dad who loved him, and a huge…”

“He did NOT have a mom and dad who loved him… You wouldn’t know shi..”

“YES I WOULD! I WOULD KNOW SHIT! He was MY cousin. He was like a brother to me! His mom and dad are my aunt and uncle. They loved him more than you ever could.”

I stood there with my mouth open, “I can’t take your lies. I’m not fake, you’re fake. You’re such a bitch,” the whole lunch room was shouting words like ‘salty’ and long ‘ohhhs,’ “Get a fucking clue and learn that those shitty people he called parents were the reason he drove off that night.”

“Really? You’re the shitty person here. Go ahead and spread lies about what happened but it’s you against the world kid,” she screams with spit flying from her lips.

“No! It’s me against your bullshit lies!” I scream back. 

“I don’t think you know as much shit as you think you do. EVERYONE loved him! Except for you, you fucking whore!”

“I loved him so much! Don’t argue that his parents were good fucking people. They were assholes, they were idiotic psychopathic shitheads. But I’m glad you’re so fond of them. You three can burn in hell together,” I ran out as fast as I could. Out of the cafeteria. Tears spilling all down my face and dropping to the floor. I ran to the closest bathroom and lock myself in the largest handicapped stall. 

Seconds later someone bursts in after me, panting my name.