Fix Me (A Jack Gilinsky FanFic)

Chapter 23

CHAPTER 22

Johnson dives under the stall door and cradles me as I sit against the wall. He doesn’t say anything. Neither do I. I just cry. I cry into my hands with my head tucked into my knees. Jack repositions me so that I’m sitting in between his legs.

“Jack…” I cry into his shoulder as Sammy kicks the door open. He crouches down in front of me, “leave me alone.”

“Cat, I-I’m so sorry. You’re such a strong pers…” Sammy begins.

“Just stop,” I stand up and look back down at Johnson. His beautiful blue eyes are beaming at mine with sympathy. Then I watch them turn so sympathetic that I can no longer look at him, “I-I,” I take a large sob, “I’m sorry,” realizing how awfully babyish I am being. I can’t take the sympathy I can’t I can’t I can’t.

I run towards the door. I don’t know what I want to do. I want to leave. I want to die. I don’t want to see anyone. I don’t want anyone’s sympathy. I don’t want to hug anyone or talk to anyone. I want to disappear.

As I push through the door of the bathroom I run right into Gilinsky’s arms. I sob into his chest as he rubs my back. He had been guarding the door so that no one could come in.

“Jack…” I don’t want to say anything. I notice that my backpack is slung over his shoulder and the patience and love in his muscular arms hold me. I don’t know what to say. I feel broken, “Fix me.”

I look into his eyes, tears still pouring from mine, my cheeks are warm and probably puffy.

His hands are holding my arms and his lips are pressed against my temple, “I’ll try.”

Jack takes me back into the ladies room and he sets down our bags. He gets some paper towels wet and wipes my smudged make up with his thumb. No one is talking.

Sam and Johnson are standing there watching Jack tracing water tracks upon my cheeks.

“Guys, I’m gonna take Catherine home,” Gilinsky informs Sam and Jack calmly. I don’t fight back. I just want to be home and away from this hellhole.

“I want to come,” Sam says. Johnson adds that he wants to come too.

“I’m fine,” I mutter into my chest, “I can go home by myself,” I ask Jack for my backpack.

“No, I’ll take you,” Gilinsky insists. He takes me to the Principal’s office and signs me out. Jack and Sam return to lunch, I’d assume being asked many questions and gawked at. We have to sign out on papers and Jack also insists on filing a police report against Tammy for death threat. Jack gives them the note from my bag and they are now going to handle things with their own matters. Jack walks me out of the building and to his car where he drives me home, his eyes tensely focused on the road the whole time.

Nothing is said.

When we get to my house, I open the front door with my key and Jack sets down my bag and the rest of his stuff.

“Cat, do you want take a shower? I can find you some clothes?” he asks with such a loving tone.

“My room is the first one on the left. Feel free to borrow some clothes from my brother’s room. He’s away at college, use whatever you want.” I say so quietly that it’s barely even audible. He nods and I head towards the first floor shower. I hate the first floor shower, but there are no razors. I am hurting so hard. All I want is to take this emotional pain away and the only way I know is by physically hurting myself. I couldn’t.

I slowly undress myself. I trace the line on my chest over and over. I stare at the scars on my stomach in the mirror and more tears begin to form in my eyes. The scars are gone and there are no more cuts visible. It’s been a year. However when I look at my fat disgusting body I can’t help but reminisce the images of markings all over my body. You can’t see the scars, but they are there to haunt me. I want to stay here. But I want to leave so bad. I turn on the water and listen to it run before I get in. Maybe if the water is loud enough Jack wont hear me crying.

After my shower I wrap my hair in a towel. I put a sports bra on and a pair of sweatpants Jack had left at the door. He forgot to bring me a shirt.

I’ve never been through something like this. If I were to call to Jack and ask him to bring me a shirt my voice would croak and he’d be able to tell I was crying again. I don’t want him to know that I’m crying. I want him to think that I’m strong enough to control these emotions. Any minute now, I could break down.

I grab my dirty clothes and take them to the mud room which is on the opposite side of the first floor. I pass through the living room, which is where Jack is. He stands as I enter.

“Catherine…” I don’t care that I’m shirtless. I just don’t want him to see my scars as I do. I know it’s impossible but I still feel anxious, “Are you gonna…?”

“I’m gonna go lay down upstairs. Watch TV or something…” I put my laundry in the washing machine then reenter the room, “Do you mind…Coming with me?”

He smiles a happy but yet so sad smile, “Of course.”

I walk upstairs, Jack is resting his hand on my back as if he was guiding me. We enter my room and he tells me to lie down and that he’ll find the remote. I grab a shirt and throw it on as Jack is still searching for the remote.

When he finds the remote he hands it to me. He’s standing at the side of my bed, “Jack, you can um…” I pat the bed as if to say he can join me. He sits down and I throw the covers over him in case he wants to get comfortable or is cold. It’s that time of the year and our house doesn’t have much heating.

He was awkward. He felt weird. Of course it was weird. He should be at school, he should be in class. But instead he’s in a girl, who he barely knows’, house, in her bed, and is under her covers.

I feel more comfortable with Jack. I want to thank him for being there for me. I scoot closer to him and turn the other way so that his body is cupped around mine. We are facing the TV and a random cartoon is on. He puts his arm around me and his other hand is playing around in my hair. My legs intertwine with his and I begin to fall asleep.

I am exhausted. Crying takes a lot out of me. I’m not used to it and this past week has been very eventful.

“Jack?” I say as I start to drift off.

“What Cat?” he says running his finger up and down my cheek.

“Thank you.”

“Babe it was…” 

I cut him off, and although it’s probably just the exhaustion talking but I tuck myself closer to him and say, “I love you,” I turn into his direction, facing him and put my arms around him.