Fix Me (A Jack Gilinsky FanFic)

Chapter 25

CHAPTER 25

I ran out from my room and down the stairs. I don’t know if anyone ran behind me but before I have time to look back I’m starting up the engine to my car and backing up. Gilinsky is now caught up to me and is banging on the car window. I back out of the driveway and away from Jack and that damn house.

Jack runs back into to the house and I head towards my mom’s work. The drive is so stressful, I’m still on adrenaline from my day and all I want is my mom. I’m so independent from her, this is all weird for me, but right now I think I need her more than I can explain.

“Mom, can you take a break?” I say walking into her office after climbing four flights of stairs and parking in the mostly empty lot. She quickly nods and walks down the hallway with me.

“What’s the matter Catherine?” she says. She knows something’s wrong. Call it mother’s tuition, but she does. Maybe we’ve always had this ‘bond’ but I AM distanced from her and I always feel the pain from that.

“I want to move…”

“Aw Cat…”

“No mom, I know this is now a habit for me…but nothing’s right. I know I shouldn’t run away from my problems but…” I start crying and her hand rubs my back, “I want to move mommy.”

She’s hugging me, she doesn’t speak, but her movement says it all, “Please tell me what’s going on?”

“Kids at school…they…it was bad. Mom I…”

“Why don’t we talk about this tomorrow? You look exhausted. Let me take you home so you can rest. I can make you soup or tea and…”

“No, it’s alright. I…I have to drive the car home anyway and you’ve got work,” I wipe away a few lingering tears, “I…I just wanna leave.”

“I know hunny, I know,” she kisses my forehead. She looks into my eyes until mine meet hers. She smiles. That’s not good enough mom. Not good enough.

I turn away and head back down the stairs. I slowly rattle the keys around once I get in the driver’s seat. I don’t feel like pulling out. I can’t go home, Jack, Jack, and Sam are there. I’d be too embarrassed to go there. I can’t go towards school or anywhere that I would see people.

Dear God, please help me make the best decision. Let me find the strength to get through this difficult time and not hurt myself or the ones I love. I know I ask for help a lot, frankly I need a lot of help, but please hear my prayer.

I turn the keyand the engine starts. I slowly start out into the street and see a pharmacy a ways down the street. I pull into the empty parking lot. I pull out the keys and grab any money I can scramble up last minute and walk into the building. I buy some advil and snacks with the money I had left, because I just want to drive around and I needed food if I get hungry. My head hurt so badly, I hope a few advil would help.

Once I get back in the car, I open the advil. While I try to pour two pellets into my hand the whole bottle spills.

“Fuck!” I need advil. My head was starting to pound it hurt so bad. I feel as though I’m going to pass out due to the pain. I need to go home. I can’t drive like this and I need advil.

I drive home quickly. As soon as I pull up to the house Sammy and Jack Johnson come out to the front yard. Sammy raged, scared, and stomping his feet around.

“Dammit Catherine where did you go?” he grabs my shoulders and shakes me.

“I just…”

He grabs the bag out of my hand throwing the snacks to the ground and opens an empty bottle of pills.

“God dammit Catherine, did you… Dammit Cat…” Sam’s eyes are tearing up and Johnson is covering his face in a scared and disappointed manner. Jack isn’t even looking at me. He is disgusted by me. Sammy continues, “Did you take this bottle of pills?!” he screams. He’s a wreck. It hurts to see someone so strong break down. It’s heart breaking.

His face is already red and his eyes are blood shot, “No, Sammy I didn’t. Believe me…they spilled, I-I wouldn’t. I-I-I couldn’t…Sam ple-“ tears are now spilling down his cheek.

“No, I can’t. You can’t storm out. You can’t just…”

“Where’s G?” I ask. I cut him off. I can’t take the sympathy but even more so I can’t take the blame.

Sammy shakes his head. I repeat myself, “He stormed off. He went looking for you. He was really upset…He wont answer his phone. Cat…”

I could sense the sympathy kick in now. I don’t like this feeling. I start to seem panicky again. I shut my eyes and scream, “Leave me alone! If I didn’t move here this wouldn’t have happened! If I would’ve killed myself I wouldn’t be here, this wouldn’t have happened! It should have been me!” I screamed at him, “It should have been me!” I push him off of me, he stumbles back and I run towards the house.

I run inside, slam the door, lock it, and run upstairs.

I hurt everyone I touch. I’ve known Sammy for four months and I’ve ruined him. He’s a mess. I’m a mess. I’ve always been a mess. It’s so wrong to end it all but I need to get away somehow.