Fix Me (A Jack Gilinsky FanFic)

Chapter 48

CHAPTER 48

*double update because last chapter*

Before I could finish my offer his lips crash onto mine, cupping my face with one hand and pulling me closer to him with the other.

He picks me up and spins me in a circle as our lips continue to move against each others with passion.

“Never forget how much I love you, I never stopped loving you and I don’t think I ever could. You’re beautiful and I will try everything in my power to make you believe it.”

As we both finish our apologies we walk back towards Sam, hand in hand, interlocking fingers.

He doesn’t ask and we don’t tell him, he already knew.

Sam walks inside and Jack leads me to follow, Jack sits on the couch and I follow, leaning my head on his chest. Sammy flips on the TV to find some comedy on that has us all immediately laughing.

So maybe I’m sitting here with the people I love the most with built up pain inside my heart and everything is momentarily perfect. We fight our biggest battles that we don’t choose, but we face them as much and as long as possible. Maybe someone fighting the same battle as you is right around the corner even though you seem like you’re all alone in this world, I promise you, you’re not.

We don’t choose to be tortured by our minds and harmed by our emotion but everyone has a breaking point. Life isn’t supposed to be about how many parties you go to or how many friends you have, it’s about yourself, all about what you can achieve and conquer with every small minute you have of your life.

It’s what you want to do in life and how you live up to it.

Moments like these are the ones that you realize you’ve truly suffered through all this pain to get to the exact spot you are now, and thinking back, it feels pretty good.

So maybe we can’t forget every painful thing that has ever happened to us and it’s okay to break down. Its okay to get sad and it’s okay to cry.

My life wasn’t easy, some times things were hard and others can be easy. You just have to remind yourself of all the things you’ve been through and how long you’ve been staying strong.

Jack is the best thing that’s ever happened to me, without him I don’t know where I’d be. I’d be broken standing on the top of a building looking down or sitting on a bridge staring at the water.

Maybe I’m not healed, but I’m not washed up pieces of glass that have drifted in from the sea because I didn’t decide to end my life jumping into the water when things got tough to drown myself away in and officially break.

But life is living for the small things and doing stupid things that make great stories later. Here right now, Jack, Sammy, and I sit in a circle telling our favorite memories of Johnson and I realize that I am starting to make peace with the fact that his spirit has moved on.  It’s not a goodbye anyway, it’s just a temporary adios.

But this made me realize that I am not broken, I may be a little bent but I’m not broken. So thank you, Jack Finnegan Gilinsky. I can honestly say I wouldn’t be here without you.

I look up at Jack’s profile that is staring at the television. He looks down at me and we both spread a smile. He kisses my temple.

“Thank you for putting up with my shit, thank you for making everything okay,” I say to Jack as his lips stay on my forehead.

“Thank you for being so beautiful inside and out and showing me a feeling I’ve never felt and making me happy. I love you.”

I hug him a little tighter.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t fix you but I will fight as hard as I possibly can for long as I live and if-“

“Every time you smile, I know I’m going to be okay, I’m not ‘fixed’” I put air quotes with my fingers, “but I’m not broken.” His smile is wider than I’ve ever seen.

“Do you think you’ll marry me one day?”

“Maybe some day.” We both smile and his fingers interlock with mine as our lips collide and form a firework of butterflies inside my stomach. 

*****

That was the ending of the story. Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed. I may try to write some more fanfics but who knows if I’ll have time now that there’s school and stuff, I’ll see what I can do.

Anyway, I just want to say that Catherine has a very special place in my heart because I based all the emotion on stuff I’ve felt before. Things have been pretty rough for me but there’s always a reason to hold on.

I just want you to know that although this is just a story, some people do feel the way Catherine does at times. Look out for your friends and get them help if they need it. Anxiety and depression are hard things to struggle through.

 So, here it is, for one last time. Thank you for reading, I love you all.