Fix Me (A Jack Gilinsky FanFic)

Chapter 40

CHAPTER 40

I stand and wait at the rainy bus stop. The air is chilled and the wind is blowing the rain in all directions making it impossible to shield myself. Coming back for the funeral is hard enough without the bus being late. 

My grandmother wont let me take a taxi because she thinks they’re sketchy. I can’t miss my plane. I have to be there to support the Jacks and their families. I know everyone in town has been taking this hard. 

To be honest, losing him is one of the hardest things I’ve been through but I haven’t cried. I don’t think it has hit me yet that he’s actually gone.

He’s never coming back. One of my sunshines and favorite people. I don’t really know the story, all I know is that all of his friends are devastated including me.

I debate whether or not to turn around and catch a cab. As I head to recollect my things the bus pulls up and opens its door. I drag my heavy wet luggage onto the bus and take the empty seat near the front. The bus is mostly empty and there’s no noise among the riders. There’s a little bit of music coming from the speakers in the front mixed with the loud noticeable static.

The bus ride to the airport consists of  a lot of thinking, worrying, and staring out the window. The rain keeps speeding into the window and leaving drops and drops trickling down the glass.

This pain hurts so bad and the fact that there aren’t any laughing people or people talking and discussing happy things on this bus saddens me. Why is everyone so quiet? Did they lose a loved one? Are they struggling with depression and using silence as their cry for help? Were they going to wake up this morning and walk in front of a bus instead of getting on it?

I just watch the cars pass and pass until the bus takes a stop at the airport and I get off. As I’m going through security I’m constantly wiping things off and trying to dry myself a bit. I don’t see a single smile.

Today is such a dreary day weather wise and emotionally.

Going home I won’t be able to hug all my friends and my favorite three boys. I no longer have three favorite boys. I have two broken hearted friends and one cold corpse that suffered until its life met heavens gate.

I won’t be engulfed in the three hugs that I’ve been waiting for for months. I will only get two and they will be for a worse cause and a much more sad thing than I wanted.

Physically I have lost one. Emotionally I have lost the other two.

Before I know it I’m staring out another window watching the rain roll down it. I want the rain to stop. I want the sun to shine and to go home to three happy boys and a loving mom and a lovely dinner out with friends.

Though there will be two friends, and a workaholic mother who will have no time to pity me, and a big celebration due to the death.

How awful it’s going to be to tell the world. One of the special magcon boys is gone. I hadn’t even thought about that and I don’t want to. This hurts me so much more than it hurts the world. Yes they are fans, but they don’t love him like I do. I was his number one fan and he was mine.

He’s gone. He’s really gone. It hadn’t hit me this hard until I am minutes from landing in Omaha. I want to panic or cry or scream or pull the strings on my jacket hood so hard that they shut me away from the world.

When I exit the airport after landing, I spot my mother waiting with a sympathetic smile ready to take me to his house. The other two boys will be waiting there to greet me and mourn with me.

So after I greet my mother and exchange what little words I can I get in the car. Twenty minutes and I will see them. Twenty minutes until I see a broken sheet of glass glued back together with a third of the pieces missing. While they have something holding themselves together I am shattered.

He’s gone. He’s honestly truly gone.

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Okay, your turn to guess who is dead. :((( 

BTW there's still a fair amount of chapters left, so keep on reading guys!