ALOMST LOST.

Chapter 32.

Hi, just as a warning ther is a mention of suicidal thinking in this chapter. 

Thanks for reading.

Adrianna's POV.

It's been a month since I came back. I've distanced myself from everyone including Gideon, Hotch and Hayley I also haven't seen Derek in about 3 weeks. I mean I'm guessing they've had cases and other stuff to do so me backing off has just done them a favor really, I'm not as much of a problem anymore, I'm not another thing to be distracted by. I was currently in the gym trying to beat the crap out of punching bag before I locked up, I had done my normal classes and privet sessions throughout the day and I felt like running home. It was really hot today so I'm not entirely sure why I felt like running, I was lucky to have air conditioning in the gym or I guarantee people would die from excessive sweating if that was possible.

The door opened and in walked a Dr. Spencer Reid. I didn't stop punching the bag I was just hoping that if I didn't say anything for long enough, he'd take the hint and leave me alone. "we all know you've been avoiding us, and we've respected that but now it's getting pathetic" Spencer saying his harsh words stinging a little. "Is that all you came to tell me Dr. Reid" using his professional work name, I saw him tense up at the use of it, "No it's not Adrianna but I want you to look at me when I tell you this" his words were demanding and powerful everything I didn't think Spencer was possible of portraying with his voice.

I stopped punching the bag turning to face him rubbing my knuckles gently trying to soothe the pain in them, I hadn't wrapped them I was just punching bare fist and it was a massive mistake. All my knuckles had split and were now oozing blood and swollen to the size of grapes, every single knuckle and also held a deep purple colour. Spencer looked down at them and raced towards me which caused me to flinch a little, he slowed but still continued towards me taking my hands into his "You're coming to the Bureau with me to get this cleaned up" I was going to protest before he was grabbing my things and waiting for me to walk out so he could lock up. I Kinda liked this Spencer, not in that way but it made him more of a man in a way.

The elevator ride into the offices was awkward and tense, he wanted to say something, but I knew he wouldn't. The doors opened and the whole teams' eyes were drawn to me, I kept my face emotionless and if anything did show it was annoyance and displeasure, Penny ran up to me wrapping me into a tight hug. She pulled away and looked at my face seeing I wasn't happy; it was hard to be unhappy around Pen she was just a whole bubble of happiness, but I needed to be to prove my point. She grabbed my hands, and I could see a ramble coming "You Miss Hughs have a lot of explaining to do. First of all, no text for a month, second, what the hell happened to your hands and third, how dare you come here after a month of nothing but you pushing us away" she finished. I knew she was hurt I knew the whole team was but I'm guessing due to Hotch's and Gideon's instructions they left me alone.

"In all honestly Penny, I wouldn't be here if Dr. Reid hadn't dragged me to his car, pulling me away from punching the bag" I said in a monotonal voice, her face softened when I called her Penny but then hardened again when I said Dr. Reid picking up on me distancing myself from everyone. Speaking of which they were all still watching me, "Well good thing he did, because if not you would have broken your knuckles" she said while hitting me in the shoulder "I'll go get you some ice, even though you don't really deserve my niceness" she said walking off.

You turned back round to Spencer "What did you want to tell me, I have things to be doing" was basically the nicest way I could say I didn't want to be here. He shook his head his whole face and demeanor changing again, "Because you're being a brat, I'm not going to tell you until you apologize to all of us for your behaviour and to stop distancing yourself from all of us, because it's not working. We gave you time and we've seen how you filled it and you haven't done it healthily" his voice rising making you become slightly scared of him. I knew he wouldn't hurt me but after what happened my mind goes there any time a male is angry with me.

"Dude stop, she's shaking I think you've scared her enough" Derek came to my rescue which wasn't needed, but I hadn't realized I was shaking as well. Penny returned with the ice suggesting we all go to the conference room, to talk about why I was here, Spencer stopped me saying sorry before Derek pulled me along with him as I was still a little frozen trying to wrap my head around why I was scared of Reid. I sat down and Penny grabbed my hands and began cleaning them, I hissed when the antiseptic wipe reached the cut, she then placed the ice on my knuckles a whole lot of relief coming from such a small thing. "Why am I here Hotch?" my voice was incredibly small and quiet you wouldn't have heard it if anyone was speaking.

He slid a letter over to me and it was in Gideon's handwriting I was wondering where he was, but I had a feeling this would tell me, "You may not want to read it here, but Gideon has left the BAU and has gone somewhere off the grid" Hotch told me his voice steady me hanging onto every word he said. My whole facade came crumbling down, "H-have you tried t-the cabin?" I asked stuttering, I felt like my whole world just came crumbling down all over again. Gideon was the person that pushed me to get my BA's and PhD's and pushed me to live a normal life, that gave me another family in Hotch and Hayley, he saved me because without a doubt I would be dead right now if he had not found me then taken me in as his own.

"That's where I found your letter along with mine and the teams" Spencer said, the whole team got one which meant he was gone for good and wasn't coming back to me. Tears welled in my eyes, I had no right to be upset right now I had ignored him for the last month what if I was the reason he left, maybe he thought he failed me by letting me go again even though it was my choice. So many ideas came into my head and I became overwhelmed very quickly, I stood from my seat and walked out the room I heard Hotch and Derek calling for me, but it was muffled and before I knew it everything had gone dark.