Before Rosa

[BR 37]

note --
super messy and emotional chapter, bear with me.
nagmomood swings si Sia (at ako rin siguro), so. 
enjoy (?).
advanced happy valentines! all the love,
-A. 💜
---

S I A

Before Rosa 37

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Bakit ang pangit ng boses ni Raffy?

I can't believe how I tolerated his voice for years and was only realizing this fact now. Something about his voice tics me off, so I've been avoiding him for the past days. Naiinis ako eh.

Hindi naman mahirap na iwasan siya at ang mala-paniki niyang boses. Lagi naman kasi siyang wala, nagtatrabaho, habang ako, tambay sa bahay. Since the start of the year, I've been on my maternity leave. Kaya heto, mala-reyna akong nakaupo lagi sa couch. 

But don't get me wrong, hindi ako komportable sa ginagawa ko buong araw. My hips ache like hell and my legs are freaking swollen. Hindi rin ako makatulog dahil, for some reason, walang tamang posisyon.

Gusto ko nang matapos 'to.

The only thing keeping me going was the knowledge that my due date is approaching. Tinitiis ko na lang hanggang sa araw na 'yun. 

But until then, I'm cursing all these symptoms. Lalo na ang mood swings.

Third trimester mood swings are the worst. It's like the storm wind turning south after the eye passed. It's expected, alright, but surprised everyone every time. Magugulat ka na lang, para nang inaalog ang bahay mo, the wind ten times stronger than the first set.

Kung anong iyak, inis, at tawa ko noong first trimester, ganoon din ang naramdaman ko ngayon, only tenfold. At ang focus ng lahat ng emosyon, si Rafael -- my tears, my frustrations, and my happiness, all wrapped into one rainbow-colored paper bag.

Kagaya ngayon.

For some reason, hearing him murmur to himself throws me off the cliff. Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin mula sa mahabang upuan sa sala. Nasa armchair siya, nagbabasa ng magazine. He murmurs like a screeching bat, I want to stuff his face with a pillow or something.

After a few seconds, he stopped reading and glanced at me. His lips formed a pout. "Ano naman ngayon?" tanong niya.

"Para kang paniki," I said in a deadpan voice. "Ang sakit sa tenga ng boses mo."

Natulala siya. Mga ilang segundo ata 'yun bago siya sumagot. "Ang hina-hina ng boses ko, kulang na lang ibulong ko. Pa'nong narinig mo?" tanong niya. 'Yung mukha niya, hindi ko sure kung naguguluhan ba o nahihiwagaan. 

"I don't know, but I did," iritado kong sagot. "Stop that, it's annoying."

"A-"

"Shh!"

"Ma-"

"SHHH! Ayaw kitang marinig. Huwag ka nang magsasalita!" 

Raffy stared at me in bewilderment. Napailing na lang ako sabay balik sa librong binabasa. 

A few seconds passed and I thought - okay, we're fine now. Hindi na kasi nagmumurmur si Raffy. He actually listened to me. We were silent for a while.

Until... he started breathing loudly.

Padabog kong isinara ang libro sabay bigay sa kaniya ng matalim na tingin. Lalo akong nainis nang simpleng pagtaas lang ng kilay ang ginawa niya nang mapansin ako.