Before Rosa

[BR 36]

R A F F Y
Before Rosa 36

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Nag-ooverthink lang naman ako, hindi ba?

Sabi ni Sia, pag-iisipan niya. And to do that, she needs time.

Time. Raffy, TIME.

Okay... pero gaano katagal?

Dumaan na ang New Year. Nailibing na't lahat si Mayor. We're back in Manila. One week na mula nang bumalik ako sa trabaho.

... ilang oras pa?

Hindi ako nagrereklamo, okay? Not really. It's just-- it's hard on my part, too, not knowing what's going on in her mind. Minsan, nahuhuli ko na lang ang sarili kong nakatulala sa kaniya. Tinataasan niya 'ko ng isang kilay kapag nahuhuli niya 'ko, na susuklian ko lang naman ng isang pilit na ngiti.

Can you blame me? When I feel like anytime, she's gonna leave me?

Something about this felt oddly familiar, hindi ko lang mapangalanan. Parang isang salitang nasa dulo ng aking dila.

Tama nga yata si Bea. Ang hipokrita ko. Feeling martyr na ampupu. Ang haba-haba ng speech ko about letting Sia decide and supporting whatever decision she ends up with, pero ang totoo, isa lang naman ang gusto kong marinig.

I want her to say that she'll stay with me, dito sa Manila. As selfish as it sounded.

"Raffy, have you talked to Tita Sally since we came back?" I heard Sia ask. Inangat ko ang aking tingin mula sa takure na pinag-initan ko ng tubig saka siya tiningnan. I saw her coming down from the stairs, her hair still wet from taking a shower. Isang maluwag na t-shirt at shorts na pambahay ang suot niya.

"Hindi pa. Bakit?" I set the kettle on the stove. Kauuwi ko lang at nasa kusina ako para mag-kape. Nang umupo si Sia sa counter ay tumayo ako sa kabilang side nito, hawak ang tasa, hinahalo ang laman.

"I missed a call from her habang nasa CR ako. I tried calling her back pero hindi na siya sumasagot."

"Baka napindot lang," suggest ko sabay inom ng kape. I sighed when I felt the heat run through my whole body. "Text mo, para hindi ka na ma-stress."

"Mm-hm," Sia hummed absentmindedly. Naka-focus na siya sa phone habang nagsasalita. "Do you think we should visit her this weekend? Baka nagtatampo na 'yun kasi hindi tayo nakapag-New Year kasama niya, like planned."

I stared at her, the cup suspended midway to my lips. "Sure. Hindi lang siguro ngayong weekend. Kailangan kong mag-overtime for some reports due next week," I said, finally lifting the cup to my lips.

"Ako na lang tuloy. Kaya ko naman."

I watched her stand up from the stool, her eyes still on her phone. "Hindi mo 'ko pipilitin?" tanong ko.

For the first time, she lifted her head and looked at me, her eyes blank. "Sabi mo busy ka." 

Ngumuso ako, nagpapacute, sabay sabing, "Nagpapapilit lang."

Sia rolled her eyes and shook her head. Walang sabi-sabing tumalikod siya sa 'kin.

"'Di mo 'ko pipilitin?" tanong ko ulit, nang mas OA na ngayon. "Sia!"

"Gusto mo ba talagang sumama?" she asked, stopping mid-way to the living room to look back at me. Nakataas ang isa niyang kilay.

"Kung pipilitin mo 'ko," I said with a sheepish grin.