Before Rosa

[BR 39]

note --
hi. totally unrelated but, whatever you're doing right now (to reach your goals, to heal, to improve yourself, or to simply survive), i just wanna say i'm proud of you. :* keep going.
-A. 💜
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S I A
Before Rosa 39

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"This is awkward."

For the first time since I sat down, I risked a glance at Monic. Hindi siya nakatingin sa 'kin. Instead, she was staring at the menu that's lying untouched on top of the table. She's worrying on her lower lip and bouncing her right foot, just like how she does whenever she's anxious. Her clasped hands atop the table are also slightly shaking.

Tumikhim ako sabay iwas uli ng tingin.

"Oorder ba tayo?" dagdag ni Monic. Nang lumingon ako ulit sa kaniya ay nakatingin na siya sa 'kin, her brows raised in question.

"Uh..."

"O mabilis ka lang? Ibibigay mo lang sa 'kin ang susi at aalis din?"

"Mon."

Exhaling loudly, Monic averted her gaze again. She kept moving her foot, causing the table to shake lightly. Napabuntong-hininga na lang rin ako. I reached for my sling bag and took her old keys. Inilagay ko 'yun sa mesa, sa gitna, pero hindi nagsalita. I just watched her, waiting for her next move.

Maya-maya, muli siyang nagbuntong hininga. "I hated you, See," she said under her breath.

Napayuko ako. My fingers absentmindedly played with the chains of my bag.

"Oh my God, this is a really bad idea," Monic whispered a while later, rubbing her face with her left hand. Iniwan n'ya 'yung nakatakip sa kaniyang bibig sabay pangalumbaba. She was looking sideways but I can still see the troubled look on her face. Ganoon siya sa loob ng ilang segundo bago muling magsalita.

"Sa lahat ba naman kasi ng maiiwan, diploma pa. Nagpagawa na lang sana 'ko ng bago sa Recto."

It sounded more to herself than to me, so I kept quiet. I know I deserved this, to hear her rant and all. Pero hindi ko maiwasang maisip na sana nandito si Raffy. I know I can do this on my own but his hand holding mine while I listen to Monic is a welcome source of additional strength. It helps me become more at ease.

Alas, he's not here. May mga bagay rin siyang kailangang i-settle with Dino. Isa pa, this is a battle I have to fight on my own.

"So, how have you been?"

Muling nakuha ni Monic ang atensyon ko. She's looking straight at me now. After years of living with her, I can easily sense the unshed tears pooling her eyes but I kept mum. I want to commend her for putting up a brave facade.

"I'm..." Natigilan ako. Ano ba'ng tamang sabihin sa ex mong sinaktan mo? I certainly can't say that I'm happy, kahit na totoo...

"I'm pregnant," I offered awkwardly.

Inirapan niya 'ko, pero kita ko ang maliit na ngiti sa sulok ng kaniyang mga labi. "Buntis ka na nang maghiwalay tayo, Sia. Huwag mo 'kong pinapatawa."

"Okay. But I'm more pregnant than I was nine months ago. Kita naman siguro."

Napailing siya. "You're still sarcastic as ever."