Locke Down

Chapter 42

Locke's POV

How have I ever lived through life thinking this was something I didn't want?

The two people who mean the most to me in the world are asleep in my arms. Laurel is curled up by my side while Varik is lying stomach down on my chest. It really wasn't all that long ago when I swore I'd never have a child. Now I'm swearing to never give him up.

I've never had that 'family' setting growing up and it makes me realize how much I'd missed out on. It was always just dad and I, and while I know he cared about me, he wasn't the best at showing fatherly love. Mom's death had left a hole inside of him that got replaced with anger and cruelty, though it generally wasn't towards me. He ruled with an iron fist, and his actions caused everyone to fear him. In turn, they stayed away from me as well.

At the time I didn't think I was lonely, but looking back I was desperate for affection. Maybe somewhere deep down my father did love me, but it wasn't the pure and raw love I first experienced when I met Zander and Nicola. It was clear as day how they felt for each other and my father was trying to take that away from them.

I couldn't find it in me to cry the day he died, even though it happened right in front of me, and I think it's because I didn't really know what it was like to love someone. Not until now. And I can't regret what took place all those years ago because it led me to this.

Watching Varik grow up and Laurel be a mother while I've been here has been one of the greatest things I've ever experienced. I dread the thought of going back home, wishing we could stay in this little bubble forever. Away from the troubles that never end on the other side and the danger that seems to follow us like a shadow.

Life feels like it's in fast forward, and I guess in a sense it almost is. I blink and Varik grows up even more. Beckett believes his growth will begin to slow down once he starts learning to talk, but it scares me that I could be looking the other way and miss one of his firsts. He had begun to stumble around a few days ago and Laurel broke out in tears when she saw him walking.

I didn't expect the pride to surge through me like it did when I saw him take those first steps, but I've come to realize I don't know as much about myself as I thought. But what I do know is that I don't want to miss a single thing.

Laurel begins to stir next to me and I turn my head so I can look at her.

"Hi." She whispers as she blinks up at me.

"Hey." I smile back.

Her face soon falls as she stares at me and I cup her cheeks into my hands.

"It's all going to be okay." I say.

"But what if it isn't?" She strokes Variks soft head, her worried eyes never leaving his form.

"It will be."

Silence stretches throughout the room and I see a tear rolling down her face.

"I can't lose him Locke."

"I can't lose either of you. So I won't." I say firmly.

Today is the day we all go back home. Surprisingly, Beckett wasn't the one who was trying to convince us to stay, but Scarlett. I had asked if she's seen anything that suggests us going back would end in disaster and from the tight lipped response I received, I took that as a no. I understand they feel it's safer if we stay here, but this isn't an impenetrable fortress. Hell, I got in. Plus we have a life to live and I have a kingdom to run.

We all get up and gather the few things we have in the room before heading outside. Varik is at the stage where he feels it's necessary to run everywhere and rushes out the door after his mother. His loud babbles make me smile and momentarily forget my worries as runs around outside.