"Tear" - Park Jimin AU

'Tear' - Chapter 42

This was it.

Everything around me was quiet as I didn't notice the white opening appearing a few meters in front me.

A smile, a genuine one, appeared onto my cold face as I felt different than all the other days I've walked this earth.

My chest didn't feel as heavy and as hard to carry as I used to, my shoulders and head didn't feel pushed down by stress; this heavy feeling I've always carried around was... gone.

My smile widened as I looked at my arms, wrists still filled with faded scars; nothing had changed about me externally, however it had internally.

I didn't hate my body as how I used to hate it; my eyes made their way from my pale, bony wrists towards the black ground I was still standing on.

Without meaning to, still feeling more than exhausted, I started to laugh.

Not in a maniac-like, villain way; but in a relaxed, comfortable way.

'I-I am happy."

A tear of joy fell down from my cheek onto the ground.

"I feel free."

It was only now, my eyes were caught by the white opening in front of me.

That must be-

That must be my way back home.

As fast as I could - still with a smile on my face and tears of joy in the corners of my eyes - enjoying the short sprint, I ran towards it.

A soft breeze was blowing through my hairs, my eyes smiled and I enjoyed it.

I haven't felt joy for anything the past few years; not even things I liked doing.

It was a strange feeling to be truly at piece while still being alive; suspicious even.

Jimin's POV

'Look!' I heard Hoseok screaming as all eight of us looked towards the room our friend was treated in.

Beep

Was that what we thought it was..?

Beep

Mi-Cha looked at me with wide opened eyes as we looked back again; still not able to believe it as the doctors were out of breath.

Beep

The heart monitor was making a weak sound as I looked around towards the others, who also had a surprised or emotional face because of this.

We were all speechless as only the sound of the monitor was breaking the silence, anxious that if we would talk, it would stop again.

The doctor looked at me from behind the glass and gave me a thumbs up as a smile appeared onto my face. A tear of joy yet also fear of losing my friend once again also appeared onto my cheek

Abraxas' POV

'I love you, you did your best.'

A familiar voice didn't make me open my eyes yet; however I heard background noises and a leading voice.

'I'm proud of you; never forget that.'

The sensation of a warm hand around my cheek gave me a good feeling as I wanted to try and talk.

Mi-Cha's POV

Everyone was still worried talking to each other as the doctor had told us he would wake up any moment now since he had been like this for already a few hours.

Wait- did I see one of his bony fingers move?

I kept my breath and stared at him as I didn't believe what I saw.

Abraxas' POV

'You are enough son, I'm so proud of you.'

I slowly opened my eyes with blurry vision as I could feel a wet sensation dropping from my cheek onto the soft pillow I was laying on.

'You are so strong.' I recognised her voice as I could only hope to see her again. 'Your friends love you just as much as me, never tell yourself otherwise.'

Her hand that always used to pat my cheek suddenly vanished as it had been ages I finally felt worthy of any love - maybe it was the first time in my life I have felt like I was worthy of anything positive or good.

Mi-Cha's POV

I brightly smiled through my tears as I quickly stood up to look into our friends eyes.

But before I could even tell the others it was only now I noticed his green eyes was completely white with a big black pupil.

'M-Mother..?'

His weak voice was the only thing we could hear in this now quiet room as Jimin and the others immediately stood next to me.

'No, you crazy.' I quietly laughed as Jimin put his hands before his eyes trying not to cry like a baby.

Taehyung immediately grabbed a chair to sit down next to him and Hoseok even hugged a doctor.

'It's us.'

Abraxas' POV

'Your friends.'

I looked around seeing all their faces; one even more relieved than the other.

Were they that concerned? About me?

This was also the first time I ever cried without feeling weak around others too.

After all that had happened; it was just now I understood crying wasn't a sign of weakness.

All this times of hiding my feelings; afraid of being ridiculed, being seen as a coward, never feeling enough.

This wasn't realistic, I wasn't realistic to myself; because tell me, why is it that whenever Mother Earth cries and rain starts pouring from the skies, we think of it as beautiful - yet whenever we let our tears fall too, we let the black turmoil of our heart out when we are alone in our room, it's perceived as something that's wrong or weak?

For me; it is because I've always been told so, it's a belief I've grown up with since I was a child.

And all things that have ever gone wrong with showing my feelings have been proof of why this belief must've been the truth to me.

But now I know it's a lie. It's a lie the rotten part of my brain wouldn't shut up over, limiting me even more, making me feel even more miserable. Hating myself even harder.

I looked around again as I didn't listen to what they all had to say.

Because all that mattered to me was that I finally had friends and a big part of the loneliness that used to live in my cold heart had now been replaced with love and warmth.

And I deserved them. I was worthy of them even if I had screwed up in the past.

After all, it's never to late to start learning to love yourself, how rocky and scary this road will probably become.

But most of all; this feeling that I'm feeling now is new to me.

I'm sure I'll have to adjust to it, get to know it better because I've spent more than a lifetime running from myself. But right now - even through my pain and old sadness that's still there - I feel like I'm the happiest, most proud and most grateful vampire walking this earth.

Because...

Where would I have ended without my friends?